[MINIME]

I dont know why. Ok well I do but I cant say. I just feel alone and sad and not real.

[reddevil]

*sits with Minime*

I'l keep you company if you want.

[MINIME]

Thanks reddevil.((HUG))

[beadlady29-old]

we sits with you and hope for u
hope for u to find peace
believes in u that u will
tries to assure u that the numbness does go away

[MINIME]

Thanks. I feel alot better today. Last night I got really triggered. Thanks for the support. That was scary.

[reddevil]

It's ok.

I'm glad you feel better today.

Something (I have no idea what) triggered me friday night.. felt lost and weird. Saturday was hard, recovering in a sense from that. So I understand when you say it was scary.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by MINIME

I just feel alone and sad and not real.

Hi Minime, were you dissociating?

[MINIME]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Hi Minime, were you dissociating?

Sannah, I was but in a weird sorta scary way. Halfway here and halfway gone. It feels like it was all a dream. This is a very triggering time of year for me, and Im afraid. My Therapists say they will help me through it. I want meds and they say no or we will try with out. My sister was born and died in early October right before and after my 9th bday. september was the first time the cops busted the door down that time to arrest my step father who almost killed someone. November i was kidnapped and stuff. December my mom was arrested with the cops busting down the door and she tried to shoot them. Its a hard time and I have been either medicated or self medicated during this time. Its the smells the sounds all of it triggers me the way the sun bounces off objects I know it sounds stupid but there are so many triggers. Any way thanks for "listening" Im trying to like fall. Iam trying trying and trying see my signature its a start.

[Sannah]

I'm sorry Minime....

[MINIME]

((sannah)) you r a good friend.

[CedarS]

Doesn't sound stupid at all. I'm sending you big hugs and best wishes during this time.

[lifeblows]

[quote=MINIME;811670] Its the smells the sounds all of it triggers me the way the sun bounces off objects I know it sounds stupid but there are so many triggers.

I know exactly what you're talking about. I hate fall. And fall has a certain smell and look and the sun does hit at a different angle. It starting bother me the other day because I noticed the way the sun was hitting things it was starting to look like fall. I get bothered out of nowhere by the most retarded stuff, but I really, really cannot help it. I have not found any way to get rid of it and my brain remembers stuff I consciously don't so it seems like anything and everything is a trigger. Sometimes I even smell, feel, or see things that aren't there (but it's not a hallucination, it's more like a movie playing before my eyes even though I'm not really there). It's hell and torture. I can't find any way to make it all go away. I've never met anyone else like that, so I was glad to see your post. I freak out like that too and can't figure out where I am or whether or not I'm real. I want to die just so I can make all this PTSD stuff (not to mention everything else) go away. And to quit being triggered by every little stupid thing, noise, sight, smell, and all the nightmares. It's hell. So you're not the only one who hates fall. October, November & December are always crappy months. I'll be right there with you.

[MINIME]

LIFE....Im sorry that you have a hard time also. Im glad that you understand though. R u in therapy?

Ceder thanks.

[beadlady29-old]

Minime beadlady is sad 4 u that memories hurt so bad and still so fresh in ur mind. Don't really know what else we can say that would help at this point but just want u to know that you are in our heart hoping u feel gooder somehow soon.
Now and thru the last of winter holidays is bead's hardest time of year too - lots of triggers for us also

Hang in there Minime

sends you safe hug

beadlady29

[lifeblows]

[quote=MINIME;812226]LIFE....Im sorry that you have a hard time also. Im glad that you understand though. R u in therapy?

Was in therapy, up until last week. Had to quit going because I lost my job & now ran out of money/insurance. However, for the past five months I've been questioning whether or not to stay in therapy or with my therapist... because around my third year anniversary back in April I started to realize I hadn't gotten anywhere in all that time. And I'm not getting help with the things I need it with, especially all the horrible PTSD stuff. And I've had some not so good stuff going on with my therapist this year so all of that combined with all my nutjob problems are really doing a number on me. I didn't need more problems and now I feel like therapy has just screwed me up even more. I'm beginning to think it's just an expensive scam. Sigh.

[MINIME]

Thanks bead. Thanks for sharing. all of you guys.

Life I am so sorry. Is there a place that does free therapy? Ir can u find a new therapist? Have u tried emdr? Hang in there

[beadlady29-old]

[QUOTE=lifeblows;812831]

Originally Posted by MINIME

LIFE....Im sorry that you have a hard time also. Im glad that you understand though. R u in therapy?

Was in therapy, up until last week. Had to quit going because I lost my job & now ran out of money/insurance. However, for the past five months I've been questioning whether or not to stay in therapy or with my therapist... because around my third year anniversary back in April I started to realize I hadn't gotten anywhere in all that time. And I'm not getting help with the things I need it with, especially all the horrible PTSD stuff. And I've had some not so good stuff going on with my therapist this year so all of that combined with all my nutjob problems are really doing a number on me. I didn't need more problems and now I feel like therapy has just screwed me up even more. I'm beginning to think it's just an expensive scam. Sigh.

life that all sounds very hard. bead also questions the goodness of Therapy, but continues anyway for some kinda unknown reason. have u checked with local community mental health about therapy if your still interested in going?
might be a place to start. or maybe u not go back.
either way u decide, bead reminds u that.........its always dark before lite at the end of the tunnel. the lite will come one way or another.
beadlady29
hang in there

((minime))))))))))))))))))))))
thats alot to go threw
awwwww
nothing is stupid in what triggers us
I hope today is better
muffy

[ginniesky]

minime i am sorry fall is so hard for you but i understand summer triggers me luckily i made it through this summer without being hospitalized ... anyway i just mean that i kind of know what it is like. i haven't been through the exact same things so i don't completely feel the same but i know what it is like to have so many triggers that you are unsure which way to go to avoid them .... take care of yourself and i wish you well during this hard time.
~jen

[MINIME]

I wanted to say thanks for everyones support. I am scared about this still but I know that wilth all the support i have here and with my t's i will be ok. You guys are awesome.

(((((((((((((((minime)))))))))))))))))))))))

It's not stupid, not at all .... what you experienced was a lot of trauma. I just wanted you to know that I care and i am here for you. It is scary when things are triggering you..... i hear you hon .... love and care, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[beadlady29-old]

Originally Posted by MINIME

I wanted to say thanks for everyones support. I am scared about this still but I know that wilth all the support i have here and with my t's i will be ok. You guys are awesome.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((MINIME)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

bead is still here 4 u MINIME we will not go anywhere.................ur right there is a lot of supportive peoples here and awesome!!!hope everything is going good with T! also hopes u can get unscared everywhere real soon. our thoughts are with u

beadlady29

[MINIME]

Thanks guys. I have emdr today and I think I am going to jump into the fire and try to talk about the kidnapping. If I am going to suffer i might as well suffer while i am healing. U guys R good friends.

[lifeblows]

Originally Posted by MINIME

Thanks bead. Thanks for sharing. all of you guys.

Life I am so sorry. Is there a place that does free therapy? Ir can u find a new therapist? Have u tried emdr? Hang in there

Hi again Minime, I don't know if there's free therapy. If so I bet it's booked for months. All of the therapists around here are packed to the hilt, so if there is such a thing as free therapy it's probably full. I don't know if I believe in therapy anymore anyway. I'm lost and trying to figure out what to do if therapy didn't help me. It's really heart breaking (and I can't believe I'm writing that because I'm not the mushy type). Feeling really bad and sad and used by all of it.

No, what's EMDR? Haven't tried it. My therapist only believed in talking, nothing else. I am always open to trying and exploring new things though. I wish he would have experimented or tried other techniques more. Talking is really tough for me and sometimes I just don't know how. Some things I just don't have words for or are too blocked off for me to be allowed to talk about them.

Saw your post about talking today, good luck!!! By the way, I think you are very brave to put the fall leaves as your tag line. I thought of my equivalent picture and I am no where close to that. Sigh. Just wanted to tell you how impressed I was by that. Really made an impact on me.

[beadlady29-old]

(((((lifeblows)))))))))))
bead saw ur post and has a suggestion about where to find T if u want to find one.......if u are in us ( we doesn't know if u are or not sorry) then have u tried place called "Commuinity Metnal Health Center"? they are in most large towns and cities.........bead lives in rural MI but there is a town nearby that has this it is weher she sees T adn pdoc and it is free
( we're on disability but people that have jobs also goes there) bead also used this resource when she live in MO adn also knosw that tehy has it in Arkansas too so prolly any state in us prolly has service like this........dept. of human resources or social serviecs in ur area should be able to laed u in the right directoin. hope this hepls
beadlady29