[phoenix7]

does anyone here relate to this - this is going to sound strange - but here goes - i feel as if i am full of emotional pain - it's not physical although it can lead me to migraine being extremely anxious or exhaustion - it's hard to describe - I feel as if - if I could get all of this pain out of me I would heal - I cut myself once to try to let the pain out - I know how dumb that sounds now - but at the time it seemed the only solution - I so want to be past this - reading this back i sound totally nuts!

I cant reach the pain to heal it - but sometimes it overwhelms me - I cant cry anymore - havnt since I was attacked this time, I do my counting and distraction techniques but its still there waiting to surface - and I dont know how to fix it.... has anyone else felt like this - like they would explode from all the emotions inside them that they cant express? I just need to know there is a way out ........that this won't go on forever - P7

[skeksi]

It makes total sense to me that you feel emotional pain. It's so hard to handle sometimes. You tried everything you knew how to cope with it.

This won't go on forever. The pain *does* subside.

To help me manage the pain until it decreases, I often do deep breathing, or exercise vigorously (it makes me tired). Cleaning or gardening help me, too. Sometimes I scream into a pillow or punch it. I also journal, or tear up paper. Especially when it's difficult to cry, it's important for me to find a way to get the emotions out a little, and then I feel more like I can cope.

Take care. Can you do something kind for yourself today?

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((((((( phoenix ))))))))))))))))))))))

You don't sound nutty at all to me, I have gotten to the place where I considered cutting many times however I was afraid that it would trigger me more. I try to do physical things to express this emotion like exercise sometimes it helps. I can say that it doesn't last forever, for me it seems to come in episodes, when I am having a real hard time it seems like it will last forever but it doesn't.

[Sannah]

Do you have anyone to talk to about this pain. You need to express it I think.

[phoenix7]

thankyou everyone for your replies - I have got to this stage before so I know it will pass in my heart of hearts - but at the time - now - it just seems as if it will go on forever -

skeksi thanks for reminding me of the other options there are - i guess i just feel like i get into a corner and can't come out - and i just want it to stop NOW ! and I suppose the kindness i am doing for myself is allowing myself to come here and talk about it

gimmieice - you are right it comes and goes - I just wish it would go for good - or that rather than distracting myself I could heal it and it would be gone forever and this is a hard time for me so thats probably why i feel it more at the moment - the rest of the time i think it just lurks in the background waiting for its chance to come out.

Sannah - I spoke with the work provided psych (external)and she said she would have to tell my work psych if I spoke of it again because she knows i cut myself to let the pain out and ground myself before - and I dont want him to know so I havnt said anything further to her. SO I guess this is my place to talk - thankyou

ps I saw a program on the brain last night and the same centre in the brain lights up for physical pain as for emotional pain (rejection, shame etc) so I feel a little less crazy today - still dont know how to fix it but not so crazy

[skeksi]

skeksi thanks for reminding me of the other options there are - i guess i just feel like i get into a corner and can't come out - and i just want it to stop NOW

Yep, that makes sense. When we get set off, we get further stressed--so we can't think. That's how people respond to stress--your focus narrows and you look for the way out, the path you have trampled many times. Knowing that there was a reason I couldn't think of options has helped me accept my behavior, a little bit.

For example, I was triggered this past holiday. I knew I would be and I had scheduled an outing with a friend to distract and comfort me, but the friend cancelled. I literally could not think of anything else to do. Finally, it occurred to me to call another friend, but I couldn't get any words out to ask for help. Just like I was frozen during the original traumas, I freeze when I get scared or in pain now.

I am really glad that you are taking care of yourself by seeking help here on PC. That's good self-care!

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by skeksi

For example, I was triggered this past holiday. I knew I would be and I had scheduled an outing with a friend to distract and comfort me, but the friend cancelled. I literally could not think of anything else to do. Finally, it occurred to me to call another friend, but I couldn't get any words out to ask for help.

I can relate to that - I had arranged to go out with my sister on the anniv of my event and she rang just before were due to meet and said she wasnt coming because she had been out with her ex the night before and drunk too much - so for me that re-inforced how worthless i was - and left me with no plan - I eventually rang a friend and chatted for a while - a bit stunted i admit - but i knew i had to do something - thankyou for letting me know i am not alone in the wilderness where monsters are real! P7