ptsd and lack of attachment

Can't Remember, thanks for the comment. I had wondered if I reminded him- we'll call him E- of that time in his life. I don't have PTSD, and although I feel I can understand where people with this are coming from as much as someone without PTSD can, I don't personally know what it's like to have it. So, I don't know exactly what that feels like, I can just imagine. Yet, I do know that feeling things can be scary, even when they're positive feelings, because it's scary even for me. I think that's why I automatically block out some emotions, why I consciously try to block others, and why I have tried for awhile to avoid getting too close to people. I also think it explains some of the anger issues I used to have. I know E and I had problems in our personal relationship, but I wonder sometimes how much of a hand the PTSD played in causing him to stop talking to me altogether because I know his PTSD was "acting up" around that time, so to speak. Anyway, thank you for the support and information.

Sannah, thank you for your response, too.

You said I could, ".....discover why you learned how to detach and stuff your feelings."

I have told my T I do this, but we've never dug at the root of it. He says he thinks I feel a lot and that might explain why my walls go up more easily than some. I am not sure if I believe this. It was hard enough for me to believe I was capable of feeling like a normal person let alone more than the average person. He also said he thinks I have been hurt. But I don't think anything has been bad enough to explain this. We've never looked at it in depth and asked, "Could that be the cause?"

I think I am biologically slanted towards having an over-active defense mechanism, anyway. As for what set it off, I don't know what triggered it because I have been this way for so long, just to different degrees. I think some of it might have to do with losing people early on.

You said, "Intimacy can be scary and many choose to avoid intimacy in this way." Very true. I try to avoid it sometimes, too, but there is a part of me that wants intimacy. However, not all of my walls are consciously erected. If I don't choose to put one up, how can I choose to take it down? I can't seem to will all of these walls down. Somedays I want to build more, but other days, I wish I could send in a demolition crew and just knock them all down so I can feel without any obstruction. But I think, in my heart and in my mind, I feel this isn't entirely safe. I think my mind won't let me feel without any walls, until it believes, feeling is safer. I know I'm not in an abusive situation, but even I don't feel really safe, feeling.

You said you chose to overcome your fear of intimacy. Was it a totally conscious decision to avoid intimacy to begin with, or were some of your blocks automatic? If some were automatic, how did you remove those blocks your subconscious erected? I want to do this, and I don't know how. I would like to focus on this more in therapy.

Locust, I think that some people are just more naturally sensitive and these people need extra help while growing up learning how to handle this. Maybe you didn't get this extra help? I have one daughter who is very sensitive and I have skills in this area and it is a challenge for me to help her! Not all parents are so skilled in this area and they also might not have the time. I can certainly understand this.

No, you can't just pull the walls down. They were erected by your subconscious for a reason. I would suggest to you to understand why you erected these walls. This will give the the info you need to move forward.

I never learned healthy boundaries while growing up. After I was hurt enough I erected the thick concrete walls but it does get pretty lonely behind these. When you have a fear of intimacy you want intimacy really badly but the fear keeps you from obtaining it. What I did was pursue men who were not available. This very issue was what got me into therapy in my early 20's over 20 years ago.

I had to learn many things in order to become healthy in this area. I had to learn what was normal, social skills, I had to learn that I could erect boundaries and adjust them as I needed (you keep some people back and allow others to get very close), my self worth needed to be worked on because when you feel that you are worthless you certainly don't want anyone close enough to see this!

Can't Remember,I would like to say how ptsd affects me with lack of attachment.When i first hit me i each day became more and more distant from my girlfriend,friends and family.My girlfriend is a very passionate woman and said she understood the way i felt,but instead became suspisious of me and began checking my cell phone records to see who was calling and text messaging me and who i was calling and texting,which of course were all friends and other members of the Volunteer Fire Department i belong to.She knew these people but still called them and was asking questions,as if i was supposedly having a affair with them and she got a slap in the face when she realized 99% of them were males and she knew them all.Of course they all called me asking what was going on.She also went as far as to somehow get into my My Space account and delete it.See how ptsd can affect other people and in some cases create suspicion.

I think some of us with ptsd are trying so hard to appear normal and like nothing is wrong that we don't know how robotic and cold we can appear. I know I can talk about painful things and be laughing and smiling but have tears streaming down my face. Emotions are just so hard and sometimes there aren't even names for them and we just don't know how to react normally so we try to fake it.

This is so odd... I'm not quite so quick with losing connection to people... but it happens.This may sound horrible but if I am away from anybody, the connection seems to degrade.. it is gone completely after about 4 weeks- 8 weeks.

Has anyone managed to find out why this is? This is something that really bothers me... I feel like I am not human like everyone else...

for me i know its self-defense. I don't want to feel "bad" feelings like sorrow and missing someone. I can't seem to stop this from happening, it just happens automatically. I can cut off any attachment at any time. I'm in therapy to learn how to stop using this coping mechanism and actually feel okay to feel.