ptsd and lack of attachment

I'm wondering if anyone else deals with this. If I'm away from someone or something for a day or more, I become less and less attached. My husband for example has been out of town since Wednesday and I already feel it. Another couple of days and it could be like he was just some guy I knew once. This happens with memories too, I just see the pictures in my mind (the ones I still have anyway) but there's no emotion to them. I feel so empty and black. Does anyone else do this? If I want to remember something or someone I have to make a conscious effort to think of them every day. My only way to "cope" is to forget.

Attachment or lack thereof is a huge issue for me. I've always been very guarded as a means of self protection. I've been working on this in therapy for a very long time, and I'm just starting to let people into my life. It was kind of cool - this was the first New Year's where I had multiple people that I wanted to call and wish Happy New Year's to, so I guess I'm making some progress.

--splitimage

That's great. I hope to be in your position one day.

how awesome for you, splitimage. that made me smile. i hope i have friends in the future i'd want to call up also.

can't remember - i used to be like that with my ex, also. it either had to be intense involvement... or it would wane. but i find it was limited to that relationship only. i am fond of most of my friends, even if i dont see them for a long time. is it different for you?

its been this way for as long as I can remember, hmm irony. no its not limited to one person, its everyone. could be my mother, co-worker, husband, anyone. I don't know how to stop it. I guess I really don't know how to deal with any kind of pain or sadness so my brain just gets rid of whatever it is. so frustrating!

I have always been guarded so keep people at arms reach - attachment of any kind is a problem for me - but i am trying! hmmm I expect some say very trying LOL

splitimage - thats great progress

Remember, you might want to consider posting this on the therapy forum. I have heard people there talk about this topic.

This so resonates with me. When I take a trip to visit my sister out of state, I'm supposed to call my husband when I get there, but by the time I get there I have 'put him out of my mind'. The longer I'm at my sister's the less attached I feel to my husband.

This also happened to me when I was hospitalized (which lasted a month or more). I didn't miss my husband or friends or family. I just exist wherever I am.

As far as the friends that are in my life now, it doesn't usually dawn on me to call them. Out of sight, out of mind. I have been using a 'tool' though that helps me keep connected to people a bit more (Facebook).

I could go weeks or longer without talking to anyone but my husband (and he and I don't talk much). When I get around a person I think about how 'close' I feel to them and wonder how I could forget them so easily. But I do.

So, I totally relate to what you are saying. Usually it doesn't bother me because I'm not really aware of it until the person is around me again. Then I might think about it, but I let it go just as easily.

I think I'm like this because I never got attached to my mom. She always pawned me off on my grandmother (her mom) so I never figured out how to develop relationships. I've only had one friendship in my life that was long distance (a current friend who lives in another state). Mostly she calls me but we do talk a few times a week. If something happened to her I don't know if I would miss her or not.

That's another issue I have - when people die, if they are not in my every day life, it's hard for me to feel any kind of loss. Logically I know there is a loss but I just don't feel much about it. I had 2 people in my life die in November and I've pretty much forgotten about them already. I know it's a coping mechanism, but it's a crappy one.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are talking about.

It is exactly that for me. btw, I got a copy of the velveteen rabbit when I was 9 and I still have it. guess I never felt real either.

I know exactly what you mean. I lack emotion and have recently returned to therapy to try to get it back. I can't cry, I don't miss people.........I just block everything out. It's my defense mechanism and when the "fight or flight" was activated in my brain, it never shut off. I continue to block everything out so I don't get hurt. I know it won't last forever but it will take a lot of work to get back to where I was. You'll get there too!

sometimes

Yeah, that's exactly it. I look at old pictures and there is no emotional attachment. They're just pictures. Even ones of myself, its like its not really me.

I'm the same way, with old photos - I look at them, and there isn't really any emotions that go with them, although I'm starting to feel emotions (sadness) when I look at pictures of my mother (She died when I was a kid). Sometimes I look at pictures of myself and wonder if that's really me.

--splitimage

pictures of me as a child - I know they are me because I have been told they are - but I have no memories to go with them - probably better that way - the mind hides what we cannot deal with P7

I am new at this. I joined this after I read your post. I have that very same feeling. I thought it was just me. My brother always said I was a cold person. I could drop people and never think about them again. How do you tell people that you are not cold? I really don't know why or how I started feeling like that. I just know I have always been this way.Does anyone know if you can change this?

Hi Morgata and welcome,

I think working with a T on the issues that caused this could help, are you seeing a T?

Hi Morgata. Yeah I think we can eventually learn how to allow ourselves to feel. I think I started very very young trying to block out the bad but you can't just block the bad. You end up blocking the good too.

Yes I am seeing a T. I am also doing acupunture. I am not much for chemicals. I figure if I cloud my thinking with meds how will I ever learn to do this on my own without drugs. I have read a lot on acupunture and yoga. It gives you balance. I know I have missed out on a lot being that way and try not to think about it.........it saddens me. I know it may sound bad but it is good to know I am not alone for the first time in my life. My friends came up in a life so much different then mine. They look at my life and are horrified at it. They only know how to pity me.........I would prefer to be understood not pitied. Although I guess when I lok at my life I really don't have much feeling about it. My T said it is part of the PTSD. I can talk about it like it was nothing. I find that to be strange in it's self?

I do that too. I sit there very calmly and like I don't have a care in the world as I tell them things. I'm not attached to it in a way and in another way I'm trying to make my therapist more comfortable. isn't that crazy? I've spent most of my life trying to be a class clown so other people are happy and I know no one wants to be around someone who is sad all the time so I present this happy face. I have noticed though that I am becoming more and more detached and a lot more quickly. What I did or said this morning feels like it was a year ago. If its not in the present, I have no feeling about it. Its kinda scary. Like my brain is going on a slow lock-down. Like maybe I've met the limits of what I can take so I'm just not going to feel anymore, like a robot.

Morgate it sound like you are numb, thats a common thing in PTSD - we shut down our feelings so we survive - a T can help you switch them back on and deal with what happened to you - I am glad you are getting help P7

(((Can't remember))) I play the class clown at work so no-one will see the real me too - one dayt maybe we can just be us whatever that is P7

That would be great p7, wonder what we are?

I dont know but it would be good to find out.... maybe

(I did some days at a place for people with disabilites and one young lady who used to call people by food names rather than their names told me I was chocolate cake! maybe thats it! mmmm chocolate )

I know I don't have PTSD, but I really wanted to respond to this. I am somewhat this way myself. I can miss people and don't get over them this easily when they just go away, BUT when someone dies or when I am abandoned sometimes, it feels like everything is the same as it's always been. Even if that person was a HUGE part of my life and I saw and spoke to them frequently, and they are no longer there, it is, on some level, like nothing has changed. I know this is not because I don't care for them. I love them. Besides, even if you could care less for someone, it's abnormal not to sense a huge difference when they dissapear from your life if they are a big part of it. I don't have PTSD, but my whole life, I have supressed a lot of emotions, automatically, and I think this goes along with that. If it's not caused by PTSD, what could it be from? Also, I knew another person who also had a lack of attachment like you all mentioned and blocked things, as well, emotionally, but they were never abused to my knowledge. Again, what could explain this? Thanks for the help.

Also, I was wondering about a friend who had PTSD. They cut me out of their lives. Towards the end, it felt like they had placed such a huge wall between us that I truly believe they would feel closer to a random stranger pulled off the street. Is it possible to block someone to that degree, to where strangers have more of an intimate connection? Even if you don't hate the person? He said he was feeling a lot for me even then, but I am telling you it seemed he was a million miles away and his heart was dead when it came to me. He was a very emotional person. I just need help understanding. Thank you.

Sometimes being around people you've known for a long time is very emotionally taxing and for me at least, they become linked to a particular time, emotion or event that just becomes too hard to deal with. A lot of times its easier to be around people you don't know so you don't feel like you have to put up a good front or try extra hard to feel when feeling hurts so much. Its not that they don't love you. Feeling can just be scary sometimes.

Locust, you can discover why you learned how to detach and stuff your feelings. It sounds like you understand what is going on with yourself (but you haven't verbalized where it came from).

It sounds like the friend just detached from his feelings too. Intimacy can be scary and many choose to avoid intimacy in this way. I actually chose to get over my fear of intimacy (and proceeded to successfully work through it).