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Old Feb 12, 2009, 12:07 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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I got triggered twice today -

I was in the movies watching a comedy - well it was supposed to be a comedy - ended up being a bit dark - but that didnt trigger me - in the movie a boy has lost his toy and its under the front seat of his car - his dad (a ghost) asks somone to tell him where the toy is as the boy cries at night for it - still ok - then they show the toy under the front seat of the car - MASSIVE TRIGGER - FLASHBACK - terror - thats the only way I can describe it - I thought/felt - its my red squirrel (dont even remember what the stuffed toy in the movie was ) - its hiding under the bed - its afraid - then I see a small girl crawl under the bed - shes terrified - she doesnt want to be found - then strong arms pull her out from under the bed but the toy squirrel is left behind under the bed in the dark and in my head I am screaming - iITS NOT ME! ITS NOT ME! im still shaking - stopped off at shops and went to get some shopping to distract myself - cos it was loopped in my head - and they had the ceiling down for repair - 2nd trigger - lots of wires and metal fire water things - had to leave reminded me of the storeroom the guy who attacked me came from - i understnd 2nd one - but how do i know 1st one is real ???!!! I feel like im going crazy - sorry for long post - but im really struggling here..... how do you know if its real - and how do I stop the voice in my head shouting its not me! over and over...... im sorry I meant to check how everyone is - but i cant stay - cant do this at the moment - have to find a way to make it stop - will come back later - sorry
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
Help! :(
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet

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  #2  
Old Feb 12, 2009, 02:09 AM
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Capp Capp is offline
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((P7))
How very scary this is for you to be going through!
I am so sorry that this has happened...

Have you been able to get grounded in any way? Do you have anyone there that can help you?
Please let me know what I can do, ok?

Peace, my friend
Cap
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The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve.
~~unknown~~

http://capp.psychcentral.net
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #3  
Old Feb 12, 2009, 02:34 AM
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Hunny Hunny is offline
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Phoenix7,

When you attempted to take care of yourself something more was triggered...
When you reached out for help here at PC, it was a really good thing to do too.
Those were really good things to do...good work.
There more comfort coming...
Ice
__________________


“Science without religion is lame.
Religion without science is blind.”
Albert Einstein

Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #4  
Old Feb 12, 2009, 05:05 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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no-one to call - i cant make it stop - ive tried everything - the more i say it wasnt me - the worse it gets - i curled up in a ball an closed my eyes but it was still there - ive pushed it back - but its still there - the girl i saw in my head - its not me - its the girl i feel is me when i think about the pain - she is so scared - she didnt want to be found and he found her - she wants her toy - but its gone - he takes her away and i dont want to know where or why - I cant know - I wont know - this is stupid - why cant i let it go - I say its not happening now - it wasnt me - but it wont go away - I cant ground myself - I can only push it back - im going to take a sleeping pill and hope this goes away.... thankyou for being there.. I'm sorry...
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
Help! :(
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #5  
Old Feb 12, 2009, 05:19 AM
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pegasus pegasus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix7 View Post
- the more i say it wasnt me - the worse it gets -
How about saying, it was me but I am safe now.

((((((((((((((((((( phoenix )))))))))))))))))))
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Pegasus


Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #6  
Old Feb 12, 2009, 05:25 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pegasus View Post
How about saying, it was me but I am safe now.

tried that but the voice in my head is still screaming that it wasnt me - it cant be me - i dont even know what happened - i just know she was terrifiied - i dont even know if its real - maybe its all in mjy head - cant think - taken sleeping pill - maybe it will be gone tomorrow - have to work so it has to be - has to be gone - has to - thanks pegasus - wish me silent sleep and no dreams -
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
Help! :(
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #7  
Old Feb 12, 2009, 05:28 AM
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Hunny Hunny is offline
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Phoenix7,
It's so hard, but it is such important work that you are doing. Hang in there.

Ice
__________________


“Science without religion is lame.
Religion without science is blind.”
Albert Einstein

Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #8  
Old Feb 12, 2009, 05:30 AM
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pegasus pegasus is offline
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I hope you manage to get some sleep phoenix.

It's painful but you are healing.
__________________


Pegasus


Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #9  
Old Feb 12, 2009, 08:30 AM
Anonymous091825
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(((((phoenix7)))))))))))))))))))))))) I know its so hard when something like that happens. As they are saying here keep telling yourself you are safe now.
You are ....
When I was young i use to refer to being scared as to hiding under the bed. Maybe how you coped when you were young? All as I know is I care and I hope you get some rest. Know i am here for you kind person
Muffy
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #10  
Old Feb 12, 2009, 08:45 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #11  
Old Feb 12, 2009, 09:26 AM
isb63 isb63 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix7 View Post
I got triggered twice today -

I was in the movies watching a comedy - well it was supposed to be a comedy - ended up being a bit dark - but that didnt trigger me - in the movie a boy has lost his toy and its under the front seat of his car - his dad (a ghost) asks somone to tell him where the toy is as the boy cries at night for it - still ok - then they show the toy under the front seat of the car - MASSIVE TRIGGER - FLASHBACK - terror - thats the only way I can describe it - I thought/felt - its my red squirrel (dont even remember what the stuffed toy in the movie was ) - its hiding under the bed - its afraid - then I see a small girl crawl under the bed - shes terrified - she doesnt want to be found - then strong arms pull her out from under the bed but the toy squirrel is left behind under the bed in the dark and in my head I am screaming - iITS NOT ME! ITS NOT ME! im still shaking - stopped off at shops and went to get some shopping to distract myself - cos it was loopped in my head - and they had the ceiling down for repair - 2nd trigger - lots of wires and metal fire water things - had to leave reminded me of the storeroom the guy who attacked me came from - i understnd 2nd one - but how do i know 1st one is real ???!!! I feel like im going crazy - sorry for long post - but im really struggling here..... how do you know if its real - and how do I stop the voice in my head shouting its not me! over and over...... im sorry I meant to check how everyone is - but i cant stay - cant do this at the moment - have to find a way to make it stop - will come back later - sorry

RELAX P--breathe deeply. stay focused. You are an adult now, not that little girl. You can do this. ((((((P7)))))))))) isb
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #12  
Old Feb 13, 2009, 02:52 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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I asked my sister if I had a toy red squirrel as a child and she said yes - I guess I have to accept that the girl in my memory is me.............. and that it is a memory - and is real - she was kicking and screaming - I feel so sorry for her - I dont know what happened next - I dont have that memory - the only thing that grounded me yesterday was pain - then I took a sleeping pill - i cant keep doing that - my mind is all over the place - Im having trouble keeping my mask in place - keeping the panic at bay - its like just after I was attacked - how strange is that - why wont it just go away - if it is the past then let it stay there - I feel lost.......
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
Help! :(
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #13  
Old Feb 13, 2009, 03:06 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix7 View Post
why wont it just go away - if it is the past then let it stay there ..
Because your feelings surrounding it are still with you today....
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #14  
Old Feb 13, 2009, 06:06 PM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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im in control now - thankyou
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
Help! :(
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #15  
Old Feb 13, 2009, 08:04 PM
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Hunny Hunny is offline
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Phoenix7,

Ah peace....for you...finally...for the time being...good work.

Ice
__________________


“Science without religion is lame.
Religion without science is blind.”
Albert Einstein

Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #16  
Old Feb 13, 2009, 11:12 PM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 8,135
Not peace Ice, just control, and thats enough P7

__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
Help! :(
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #17  
Old Feb 14, 2009, 09:30 AM
Anonymous091825
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(((((phoenix7)))))))))))))))))) i hope peace comes
muffy
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #18  
Old Feb 14, 2009, 10:29 AM
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kittykins9 kittykins9 is offline
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so sorry to hear about your agony and this trigger, that must have been so disorienting and frightening for you. I am thinking of you and hoping you find a peaceful and safe place for your mind to rest today.

Best,
kkins
__________________

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can make it float on its back, then you've really got something
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #19  
Old Feb 14, 2009, 11:42 AM
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Capp Capp is offline
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Location: Third Star On The Left
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix7 View Post
im in control now - thankyou
Thanks for letting us know, P7.
I'm glad that you feel better...

Cap
__________________
The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve.
~~unknown~~

http://capp.psychcentral.net
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #20  
Old Feb 14, 2009, 06:09 PM
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SongBirdandDaisy SongBirdandDaisy is offline
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Phoenix7

I sincerely hope you were able to find a way to ground yourself. It is so frightening, the flashbacks. I find distraction to be my best defense - even if it's making a little list ie sweep floor, fold laundry, chop wood, put papers away. Any little thing to help quiet down the volume of the trigger.

I know this is so hard and sometimes the chaos is so over-whelming and the triggers so very real and the body memories. We understand. If it helps, write it out here and then let it go. It's okay to write whatever it is you need to write. We are all in this together. Gentle Hugs if okay, Song
__________________
Help! :( "It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #21  
Old Feb 14, 2009, 08:26 PM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Trigger warning - assault?

I drew her - the child inside - havnt drawn for years - then i drew her in my arms - protected - but shes not - I couldnt protect her then and I cant protect her now - shes stuck in time - she knows what happened I dont - I feel arms holding me down - her down - now I know where the pain in my arms comes from - I can feel the hands - thats it - the memory she keeps comes one step at a time - I couldnt protect her then and i cant protect her now - pain holds her there and pain grounds me now - isnt that strange - that what keeps her there - helps me stay here now -
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
Help! :(
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #22  
Old Feb 14, 2009, 10:56 PM
Corine's Avatar
Corine Corine is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2009
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix7 View Post
I got triggered twice today -

I was in the movies watching a comedy - well it was supposed to be a comedy - ended up being a bit dark - but that didnt trigger me - in the movie a boy has lost his toy and its under the front seat of his car - his dad (a ghost) asks somone to tell him where the toy is as the boy cries at night for it - still ok - then they show the toy under the front seat of the car - MASSIVE TRIGGER - FLASHBACK - terror - thats the only way I can describe it - I thought/felt - its my red squirrel (dont even remember what the stuffed toy in the movie was ) - its hiding under the bed - its afraid - then I see a small girl crawl under the bed - shes terrified - she doesnt want to be found - then strong arms pull her out from under the bed but the toy squirrel is left behind under the bed in the dark and in my head I am screaming - iITS NOT ME! ITS NOT ME! im still shaking - stopped off at shops and went to get some shopping to distract myself - cos it was loopped in my head - and they had the ceiling down for repair - 2nd trigger - lots of wires and metal fire water things - had to leave reminded me of the storeroom the guy who attacked me came from - i understnd 2nd one - but how do i know 1st one is real ???!!! I feel like im going crazy - sorry for long post - but im really struggling here..... how do you know if its real - and how do I stop the voice in my head shouting its not me! over and over...... im sorry I meant to check how everyone is - but i cant stay - cant do this at the moment - have to find a way to make it stop - will come back later - sorry
hey don't be sorry... I can't answer your question because of how new i am in here.. but i hear things like trigger, or disconnecting?
But know that you are in my prayers and my thoughts...
Corine
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #23  
Old Feb 16, 2009, 09:15 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix7 View Post
pain holds her there and pain grounds me now - isnt that strange - that what keeps her there - helps me stay here now -
Wow, Phoenix, this is quite insightful. Sounds like it is the first step to its final resolution...........
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
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