Just wondering how If he really understands

it's 4:58am: And I have tossed and turned all night long.. Just wondering about everything in my life.. I'm living with my boyfriend and he says he understands what I'm going through.. But I really don't feel the support from him..
Having to always explain my feeling to him when there are times I don't even know why I'm feeling what I'm feeling.. And he is the type that He has gone through it all.. He has hurt more than anyone.. he has all the answers..?
We will start talking about what i'm feeling or going through and some where it changes to him.. and what he has gone through.. When I fall the other day and we were in the ER.. He tells me that I'm not going through as much pain as he has felt when he broke his leg ect. ect....
So I just keep quiet about what I'm feeling anymore especially to him..
Thank you for this site.. and for the wonderful people on here.. for letting me vent.. because at times I just want to throw in the towel.
Corine

corine, have you gone into therapy for your ptsd? i believe you would benefit with this approach and find support there too. i'm sorry to hear that you bf doesn't validate your feellings. that must be hard for you. let us know how u are doing cause we care about you.

No I haven't gone to therapy.. don't have insurance and right now i'm working with a PDoc.. about my meds.. just got off Effexor XR and seeing what we are going to do ..
I have called one person but he is never in or never returns my call..

I felt the same way when I was with my longtime boyfriend. I felt so alone, even when he was right there. He said he cared, but I didn't feel it. I wasn't in treatment then on dealing with my PTSD so I was completely shut down, I think. I had so many emotional barriers up that as badly as I wanted to be cared for, I was terrified of it, too.

Do you think you could sit down and talk about this more with your boyfriend? With your therapist, even? He may not realize how some of the things he says affect you.

I can really relate to the feeling that you should just keep quiet. But that's no way to live. My heart goes out to you.

I have talked to my Boyfriend about it.. and have shared my feelings with him.. but it always goes back to the same thing.. That is why i just shut down. because it doesn't make a difference.. no matter how much i talk.. no matter how much I share...
Then maybe its me??? Maybe like you sa y i'm afraid to be cared for... because when ever someone says they care i'm always on guard on what do they really want from me.. to me there is always a motive on the caring... and it always comes out.. don't know if you know what i mean...

maybe he is jsut trying to tell you that he cares -if he is - hes not doing a good job but hey ptsd can be hard for our close people - dont know what to suggest - you seem to have done it already - just know that im thinking of you and sending you calm thoughts P7

yes i understand this.. I have talked to him since I have posted this.. And now I share what I'm feeling or going through so things are changing..Thanks to all of you hear for encourageing me to say what is in my heart..

(((Corine)))))))))))))))))) your pain is your own as you are the only one who knows how hard it is on you.
Im glad you have talked to him and he listened
take care of you
muffy

Im glad you talked about it and have made progress - well done for sticking with it

Thank you .. step at a time.. I know i have a long way to go.. but little by little i'll make it there..

My wife is the same way, she has detached herself from me and the kids, she is guarded, and told me as much, she doesn't need or want affection atm. We have talked a log and I now understand a lot about PTSD and how it's affecting her. As much as it hurts to hear her say I love you, but I don't get the intimacy I want or need, I understand and let her deal. Maybe if your B/F totally understood what you need and don't need, he would be better with his comapssion. I have learned a lot in the last month and it hurts me at times, but I love her and what she needs, she gets. Communicating your true feelings, that sometimes you honestly don't know what's wrong, and that you may or may not need this or that...let him know. I hope things get better for you!

GL and God Bless!

Well we have been doing alot of talking lately..And myself being the one going through this sometimes it is hard to communicate what is going on when I don't even know what or why i'm feeling these way.
But I have done alot of praying and Asking God to give me the ability to be able to talk and understand.. I want to get better. I'm tired of feeling like this.. And I want to start enjoying life.. I was always a happy go luck person.. and Then bamb! it all changed..
But as i have learned here baby steps...one thing at a time..
Thank you so much for your post.. and i hope that all goes well with you and your family.. Its so hard.. But if there is love and understanding then it can get better...
God Bless you also..

Corine, I am glad that you discovered something about yourself that was holding you back from your bf and that you worked on it! Good work! Here is a link for state mental health services for New Mexico.

http://www.bhc.state.nm.us/BHTools/getHelp.html

LOL.. Thank you

Why was my post funny?

That's what you have to communicate to him. See, I have a problem, I am always thinking, always something on my mind, always racing thoughts...I can't imagine not thinking about something, but she can literally not have a thought in her mind...I suppose a lot of ppl can do this, but I can't. I also always know whats wrong, when I am upset or a bit down, I know why, but you guys just...don't. I have learned to accept this as an answer, it's hard, but it is an answer, and eventually you (well the wife does 99% of the time) do know what's wrong and you'll be able to tell him. He needs to not just hear it but understand it. My wife has a hard time communicating as well, so I take the lead and will talk, and she will answer my questions best she can. I don't push tho, if she says she doesn't know...I'm done. These things he'll have to understand, and you'll have to work on communication, but that's part of your healing process. If you don't have a T, I would really suggest getting one, you can't heal yourself, that's what they are there for, and pray for a good one heh...there are a few I have run into over the 17 years with my Anxiety/Panic disorder that only ever tried to treat the symptoms, and not find out why I am the way I am...I know now and have learned a lot with my last 2 Ts, they've been great.

Again, GL and God Bless!!!

Well believe me I couldn't communicate. I would keep everything inside and like you I would be thinking and thinking and not doing anything but getting myself more depressed.. believe me I still keep things inside.. but its taking those baby steps that they all talk about in here... well I'm hoping that I will be able to find one.. i have one now but like you say is just there to give meds.. But today I went to court for my disibility.. and my lawyer says we have won!!!.. so maybe now I can go see one..
you hang in there also.. and you sure seem like you are doing your part with your wife... i will keep you both up in prayer..
Corine

thats great Corine, I hope you can get a T now.

I hope so too... i will keep you posted .. the judge said he will be sending me a letter as soon as he reveiws the med. records.. so i will let you know...

Great! That's really good news.

GL and God Bless!

Its been along time coming..now just to wait to see what the judge has to say.

I'm sorry I didn't mean it as laughing at you.. just a thought of me being nuts...came across ..not by you but what i thought at that moment

I hope the judge rules in your favour and that you can get a T

So am I, I really think he will.. and that way i can at least see a T. and start this walk to recovery.. to becoming myself again..
thank you Phoenix you are such a great friend and an encouragement