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  #1  
Old Apr 14, 2009, 04:53 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Things are getting worse - my new anti-d's arnt working or maybe they are making me more anxious - dunno - not sleeping - pdoc had me writing down how many times I wake in the night - last night 14 times - night before 12 - sooo tired.

Have T on thursday - have hung out for this - now dont want to go dont want to tell her how crazy I have been recently - that stupid things have triggered me that never triggered me before - what a wimp! and that i didnt cope well

I somtimes say I feel like I stand at the edge of a storm that threatens to wipe me out - I feel that storm close by now and the closer it gets to T the worse it gets - it should be getting better but its not....

I dont know what to do....
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
What to do...
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet

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  #2  
Old Apr 14, 2009, 07:03 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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no need for replies _ i just have to ride it out - see T thursday - dumb not to be able to cope till then - I will do what I have to to cope till them - thanks anyway - take care everyone
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
What to do...
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #3  
Old Apr 14, 2009, 08:16 AM
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Midnight Sky Midnight Sky is offline
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If it helps I know how you feel, I am going though pretty much the same only the app was last week and I didn't manage to make it in the end. My meds don't seem to be working and my pdoc isn't even bothering to monitor me.
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #4  
Old Apr 14, 2009, 08:23 AM
Anonymous091825
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(((phoenix7)))))) muffy gets her fan out and pushes the storm away
may you feel better
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #5  
Old Apr 14, 2009, 08:24 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Midnight Sky View Post

If it helps I know how you feel, I am going though pretty much the same only the app was last week and I didn't manage to make it in the end. My meds don't seem to be working and my pdoc isn't even bothering to monitor me.

Im sorry midnight sky - can you rng your pdoc and see if he /she can see you? I hope you have a new T appointment soon - its hard being so confused isnt it .... take care P7

thanks Muffy - but I think you'll need a bigger fan lol

logging off now - 11.30pm - have to at least try to pretend to sleep lol take care everyone - be safe and well
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
What to do...
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #6  
Old Apr 14, 2009, 08:29 AM
Anonymous091825
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(((phoenix7)))))))))))))))))))))) theres always my magic wand
and also I can listen to what ever you need to say
What to do...
  #7  
Old Apr 14, 2009, 08:33 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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thanks Muffy for the beautiful picture - maybe things will look better tomorrow.... take care P7 - I think I have already said too much but thankyou for listening
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
What to do...
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
Thanks for this!
muffy
  #8  
Old Apr 14, 2009, 08:37 AM
Anonymous091825
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((((phoenix7))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) sleep well and i hope tomorrow will look better.
You never say to much and im always willing to listen kind one
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #9  
Old Apr 14, 2009, 12:40 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix7 View Post
dont want to tell her how crazy I have been recently - that stupid things have triggered me that never triggered me before - what a wimp! and that i didnt cope well
So Phoenix, do you have some shame going on right now? You have recently made a big change at work which is really triggering you. Please don't discount that. Anyone would be triggered! You are also not able to sleep which makes things worse.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #10  
Old Apr 14, 2009, 05:36 PM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
So Phoenix, do you have some shame going on right now? You have recently made a big change at work which is really triggering you. Please don't discount that. Anyone would be triggered! You are also not able to sleep which makes things worse.
Yes Sannah I am very ashamed, and disappointed with myself - and I expect T will be too - and I dont know if I can take that at the moment - which is why part of me (a lot of me ) says dont go! sigh...... but I will - have to face the music .

I know what happened was/is very triggering for me - but I chose an innapropriate method of coping out of desperation - I should have known better than that - I did/do know better than that..... and im still stuck in that cycle.....
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
What to do...
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #11  
Old Apr 15, 2009, 12:52 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Phoenix, has your T been ashamed of you before? You have been having huge triggers that have been very difficult for you to deal with. You did the best you could. I am not ashamed of you at all!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #12  
Old Apr 15, 2009, 04:13 PM
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skeksi skeksi is offline
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The shame is the worst feeling, isn't it? And it's impossible to just turn off, I know.

I'm sorry you're feeling bad. I think that although you turned to that method to cope in desperation, it's valuable that you found a way to cope. You got through. You took care of yourself in the best way you could. There's, in my mind, no shame in that.

I know it's impossible to see it that way right now, but perhaps hearing it many times from many different people will help.
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #13  
Old Apr 15, 2009, 09:34 PM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Thanks Sannah and Skeksi -

I dont think T has been ashamed of me.... yet.....

T cancelled again.......may have a phone session tomorrow - if I have trouble talking about this in person - how will I ever do this over the phone......
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
What to do...
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet

Last edited by phoenix7; Apr 15, 2009 at 11:22 PM.
  #14  
Old Apr 16, 2009, 07:27 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix7 View Post
I dont think T has been ashamed of me.... yet.....
Then the odds that she is going to be ashamed of you are pretty low then! She very most likely doesn't believe in shaming people. Shaming people isn't something that is looked upon too highly in psychology.

I'm sorry that you still have to wait for an appt! You should be able to benefit from a phone appt. though?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #15  
Old Apr 16, 2009, 06:07 PM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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yep - I think I need the phone call - 2 hours to go - wish me luck
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
What to do...
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #16  
Old Apr 17, 2009, 04:32 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Location: Australia
Posts: 8,135
T told me today she is leaving..... one more session then ....
gone.....
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
What to do...
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #17  
Old Apr 19, 2009, 10:58 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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So are you working on getting another therapist?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #18  
Old Apr 19, 2009, 02:52 PM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2008
Location: Australia
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dont know - cant think - will see what she suggests at next visit - everyone leaves.... maybe I can do this on my own ... sad...
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
What to do...
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #19  
Old Apr 19, 2009, 08:35 PM
Sannah's Avatar
Sannah Sannah is offline
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Posts: 19,179
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
  #20  
Old Apr 20, 2009, 02:01 AM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 8,135
I thought my anti-d's were finally kicking in today - I felt better - then I did somthing really stupid - I dont know why i did it - and I dont feel bad about it - Im just sorry if I let anyone down (apart from me and I dont really care about me -)

raining and cold here - I like the grey clouds and the darkness - it feels right .
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
What to do...
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #21  
Old Apr 20, 2009, 09:43 AM
Sannah's Avatar
Sannah Sannah is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Posts: 19,179
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #22  
Old Apr 20, 2009, 12:08 PM
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Xtree Xtree is offline
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Posts: 238
(((phoenix7))))))

I understand how you feel, I'm sorry you are feeling bad. It is very hard to get through. The feeling of shame is devastating and always painful. You should always tell your T when you are feeling triggered. Your T will always be there for you and he always understands you. Take your writings and bring them into your next session.

Xtree
__________________
"People do not fail, they just stop trying"
  #23  
Old Apr 20, 2009, 05:57 PM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2008
Location: Australia
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Xtree, T is leaving - next session will be my last.....
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
What to do...
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #24  
Old Apr 20, 2009, 07:25 PM
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Xtree Xtree is offline
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Posts: 238
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix7 View Post
Xtree, T is leaving - next session will be my last.....
Than is terrible. I am very sorry to about that Phoenix. I know how hard it is to start with a new T. I hope you started looking for a new one soon. Maybe she can recommend one. I hope your appointment goes well and I wish you could cheer up. :-)

Xree
__________________
"People do not fail, they just stop trying"
Thanks for this!
phoenix7
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