Don't know what to think!

I saw my therapist for the first time today after me being in the hospital and her being on vacation...I was SO nervous and felt terribly guilty about her being contacted while away and like she was going to hate me.

I came in and one of the first things she said was, "I have really been looking forward to seeing you today"

I didn't know how to respond...she's never said anything like that, and I can't fathom how it can be true when I've bothered her so much. I finally blurted out, "How can you say that?!?" and she responded, "Because I enjoy your company, and this week especially I've been looking forward to seeing you"

How do you know if your t is being genuine?? I mean, I know my t is an amazing, caring person, I don't think that she would outright lie, but I just can't believe she wasn't saying those things out a sense of duty and because she knows I've been having such an awful time...

Has anyone else had a similar experience? And if so, how did you trust that they really meant what they were saying? Or do you think therapists say things like this sometimes just to make us feel better?

Yes I've had a similar experience and I even told T that she was lying..she asked me why would she need to lie? I said, eh, because you want to make me feel good...she replied, and why would I feel I had to make you feel good? she kinda of got me on that, and with her honesty I suddenly saw for the first time that there are people that really are geunine in everything they say...I had a T once that said to me out off all her clients I was the one she felt she could never lie too....when I repeated this story to my current T, she replied, but why did she feel she had to lie anyway? that got me too, being raised in a family of denial..so take what your T said to you and embrace it!

(((((((((((((((((soccerball)))))))))))))))))))))

It sounds like your T was really happy to see you! It's so hard to believe good things sometimes, isn't it?

Is saying something to make you feel better bad?

soccerball

If I had to guess, I think your T truly was looking forward to see you.

I once scheduled 2 sessions in one week (the only time I've done that) - my T tends to be very laid-back when it comes to scheduling, so when I showed up for my regular time, T said she was surprised because she thought I'd rescheduled for the other time that week. I reminded her that, no, we'd scheduled me twice for that week. T said, "Of course, I'm happy to see you, I was just surprised...", and I was left wondering if T had been looking forward to having that time free to do something else. But then I thought that we are working on building a relationship founded on trust, so I really don't think T would say something like that to me unless it were true. Same goes for your T!

I'm really glad you posted this question, Soccerball. And I was glad to read the responses, too. I've been on a 4 or 5 week break due to T vacation and then I had to cancel so we have emailed re scheduling and the last two emails ended with "looking forward to seeing you." I've been wondering if it was true and if so, why? I understand why I might be ready to see her, but not the other way around. You know what I mean?

I have... almost every session! Think of it this way - she didn't HAVE to say that, it's one of those comments she definitely could have gotten away without saying, so she must have meant to have thought to say it!

I think it was a really nice thing your t said, and she probably meant it too. I'd love it if my t said something like that to me.

Yeah, it was nice to hear. However, I wish I could just accept it and be happy without questioning her motives. I'll try not to give her the 3d degree about it when I see her!

She said something in a voicemail message along these lines this week. She was saying how she hopes I'm having a good time in college, and that she can't wait to hear more about it.

My thought was, yea, okay...I appreciate you saying that, but really? There's no way you want to hear me droning on about college life...you've been there...you know how it goes. I thought she was just saying that to be nice...to think that she's really looking forward to hearing about my first week of college...I mean actually looking forward to it...yea right.

That was my first reaction. Then I thought back to all of the discussions about college before. She's been with me through the WHOLE process. She was there when I was applying, when I got accepted, when I was filling out residence, going to orientation, and everything. And she was just as excited as I was about it all. She shared my excitement, and from what I could tell, she liked hearing about my experiences with the various elements of preparing for college. That really reassured me to thinking, "hey, maybe she really is excited to hear about my first week of college...after all, she saw how hard I worked to get here, and she's been excited with me the whole way through, so why not now, too?"

I agree with the others- Ts don't HAVE to say things to us. Even though it is hard to believe, when they do say positive things to/about us, we have to trust that they are saying it because it really is how they feel.

T always ends his emails with "Looking forward to seeing you...". I never believe that he really means though. I have said to him before "I don't know why you want to see me when I am soo much hard work and so difficult" (I have BPD). And he was absolutely astonished that I would say such a thing. He told me that he would be happy to go through hundreds more sessions if it meant that I would have some happiness and close relationships in my life- all he wants is for me to get better and he had upr for me I felt good in that session, but the next day went back to thinking he hated me and I was a nuisance.

I think your T really did mean it- I agree with Melbas T- why would T feel like she had to say something to make you feel good if she really didnt mean it?

Thank you all for your responses...I know I need to work on trusting others, but it still is so hard to believe that someone could "look forward" to listening to me whine about myself.

The comment about T's saying things "just to make us feel better" and that it might not be a bad thing really go me thinking...sometimes it does seem helpful to have reassurance just for the sake of getting to a better place, but when it really comes down to it, I want to trust that my T DOES care, not that she says things only because she is doing her job.

I guess it all just comes down to T relationships...they are so unlike any other that it is impossible to figure them out exactly. I hope that I can find a balance between feeling like my T should hate me and desperately needing her help...not a comfortable place to be...

Does anyone have stories of successful ways they leaned on their T's? Ways in which they asked for support during really difficult times and got exactly what they needed to help them move forward? There have probably been threads like this before, but since I'm new...

I agree with this, soccerball. My T knows (because I've told him a million times) that it is a HUGE DEAL to me that he be honest with me. I would rather have him say something that is hard to hear, but honest, than say something "nice" that isn't true. It's actually probably one of the biggest deals in therapy to me...that he's honest. I really think he is. It took a long time for me to really trust that, though.

It's hard for me to give a specific example (that wouldn't take pages and pages!), but yes, there have been many times that I've been able to lean on T through really difficult stuff, and he truly has given me exactly what I needed.

I have learned, though, that the best way to get exactly what I need from T, is for me to TELL HIM exactly what I need. Which is hard and kind of scary, especially at first. But when I tell him what I need, he's really good at giving it to me, and it's good practice for me for asking what I need outside of the room (a skill I really did not have when I started therapy).

I am probably making it sound too easy...this was a huge, painful struggle for me. I've had lots and lots and lots of appointments where I didn't have ANY idea what I needed, and once I figured it out, it would sometimes take me an entire session (or more) to spit it out. I'm getting a lot better at identifying what I need, and I can usually ask for it, but not always.

I do know though, that T can't know what I need unless I tell him. I wish he could!

Soccerball, if I were in your position I think I'd want to turn the lights on the "T should hate me" part and question the heck out of what it's doing there.