[fallenangel337]

Okay...so there's something that I've been giving a lot of thought to, and I want to get your advice on it.

My college offers free, short-term psychological services on campus. My SI is starting to get out of control, and I need to work on getting it back under control. I'm still working with my T, and things are still going great, I think. The thing is...we've got SO much **** to work on, we can't focus the amount of attention that I need on SI. So I was thinking about going in for some short-term therapy on campus just to help me with my SI.

So my question is can I see my regular T AND a campus T as well? I'm DEFINITELY staying with my regular T for sure...the other is optional. I just feel like it might be a good thing to have a T on campus with whom I can work on this one specific issue that is at hand. I can't imagine going anywhere else with the possible new T other than SI, because most everything else is extremely personal, and I only want to work on that stuff with my current T. I expect T and I will still focus on SI some, but there are other issues at hand as well.

I feel like I'm betraying my T by even thinking about seeing someone else at the same time. I just feel like I need to focus on SI regularly for a short-term bit, but with all of the other issues I have going on, we simply can't do that with regular T. Also, I know there's a group on campus led by a T who specializes with SI, and you have to be referred by an on-campus T, so that's another reason that I'm considering this. Do you think T would be mad at me if she found out?

Also, as some of you know, I'm switching to every other week soon, and I think having the on-campus T would help me cope with that as well...how messed up is seeing a T to cope with the absence of another T? Also, I'm worried about getting attached to another T. I'm not worried about losing my attachment with current T, because nobody knows me like she does, and nobody will. Nobody can touch her, because we've been working together over a year, and nobody can establish the connection with me that we have.

So what do you all think? Again, I am NOT even considering stopping work with my other T...I can't even fathom the thought of that. I just think it would be helpful to have someone that I can focus only on SI with. I just feel bad about it.

[fallenangel337]

Also, can the campus T contact my regular T without my permission?

[sunrise]

I think you should talk to your T about it and get her spin on it. I don't think you should go to the other counselor and hide it from your T. That could really make you feel guilty!

Some therapists don't like their clients to see anyone else--no exceptions. I have had some overlap in therapists and did not find it a problem. But they each had their defined role (in my mind, at least). I have my regular T, with whom I have a longstanding relationship. I had several sessions with a therapist who specializes in children going through divorce. The focus was on my kids, but we talked about other stuff sometimes too. I only had about 3 (multi-hour) sessions with her. I also had a family therapist who worked with me and my daughter. We saw him for about 9 months while I was seeing my regular T too. I had a couple of sessions with him alone. I have a PNP whom I see monthly, and she is also a licensed therapist. Sometimes I see her briefly for meds, other times, we have a longer session to talk, and it counts as therapy. I get different things from all these people. I have found myself talking to them about different topics. Especially to my PNP, who is female, I sometimes find myself getting onto other topics than I have discussed with my T, and I think it may be because she is female. Kind of woman-to-woman stuff. I like having both a male and female in a helping role in my life. I really like my PNP, but I am not strongly attached to her. I felt there were times when I was attaching a bit to the family therapist, but having another person in the room during therapy impedes that process. My own philosophy is that if you can keep the different Ts straight in your head as to what they are helping you with, then it can be really useful. Where it might be a problem is if you wanted to work on the exact same issue with the two therapists, and they had different approaches that were at cross purposes with one another. If my T had a problem with this, I bet he would have good reasons, and I would most likely listen to him. He is the one who has referred me to all of these people, so I know it is OK with him, and sometimes we have even briefly discussed something going on in therapy with one of the other Ts.

I know there's a group on campus led by a T who specializes with SI, and you have to be referred by an on-campus T, so that's another reason that I'm considering this.

That sounds like a really good reason to establish contact with the counselor. Be sure to mention this to your T. It could be you would only need a couple of sessions with the counselor in order to be referred to the group.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by fallenangel337

Also, can the campus T contact my regular T without my permission?

No. The campus T would have you fill out a release form first, and you would have to sign that one as well as one that your own T provides. At least that is how my T has handled it. For example, when my daughter's T wanted to talk to my T, I had to sign release forms for each of them.

[fallenangel337]

Originally Posted by sunrise

I think you should talk to your T about it and get her spin on it. I don't think you should go to the other counselor and hide it from your T. That could really make you feel guilty!

Some therapists don't like their clients to see anyone else--no exceptions. I have had some overlap in therapists and did not find it a problem. But they each had their defined role (in my mind, at least). I have my regular T, with whom I have a longstanding relationship. I had several sessions with a therapist who specializes in children going through divorce. The focus was on my kids, but we talked about other stuff sometimes too. I only had about 3 (multi-hour) sessions with her. I also had a family therapist who worked with me and my daughter. We saw him for about 9 months while I was seeing my regular T too. I had a couple of sessions with him alone. I have a PNP whom I see monthly, and she is also a licensed therapist. Sometimes I see her briefly for meds, other times, we have a longer session to talk, and it counts as therapy. I get different things from all these people. I have found myself talking to them about different topics. Especially to my PNP, who is female, I sometimes find myself getting onto other topics than I have discussed with my T, and I think it may be because she is female. Kind of woman-to-woman stuff. I like having both a male and female in a helping role in my life. I really like my PNP, but I am not strongly attached to her. I felt there were times when I was attaching a bit to the family therapist, but having another person in the room during therapy impedes that process. My own philosophy is that if you can keep the different Ts straight in your head as to what they are helping you with, then it can be really useful. Where it might be a problem is if you wanted to work on the exact same issue with the two therapists, and they had different approaches that were at cross purposes with one another. If my T had a problem with this, I bet he would have good reasons, and I would most likely listen to him. He is the one who has referred me to all of these people, so I know it is OK with him, and sometimes we have even briefly discussed something going on in therapy with one of one of the other Ts.

That sounds like a really good reason to establish contact with the counselor. Be sure to mention this to your T. It could be you would only need a couple of sessions with the counselor in order to be referred to the group.

Even thinking about this situation is making my head spin with guilt. I don't want to hide ANYTHING from my T, but I also don't want her to get the wrong idea and think she's not helping, I don't want to see her anymore, etc. because that is totally NOT the case AT ALL! I just think it would be helpful to have somewhere to focus ALL of my attention on something that's getting out of control.

I'm totally crying right now because I feel so bad. I wold never do anything to hurt T or make her feel bad, and I feel like bringing this up could do one or both of those things.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by fallenangel337

I also don't want her to get the wrong idea and think she's not helping, I don't want to see her anymore, etc. because that is totally NOT the case AT ALL!

fallenangel, she's not going to get the wrong idea of why you want to see the other T because you are going to explain it to her, just like you have here. You did a great job explaining it. Why are you so worried you won't be able to explain this to your T? You seem like a really good communicator. In therapy, do you have a hard time talking to your T? If so, and since this is important to communicate well, maybe you could write it out, just like you did here, and bring that with you to therapy in case you get tongue-tied.

I wold never do anything to hurt T or make her feel bad, and I feel like bringing this up could do one or both of those things.

Give your T some credit, fallenangel. She's going to listen to you and understand your reasoning. She may have a different spin on this though, from her years of experience. But even if she does have a different spin and have some thoughtful reasons about why this might not be a good idea, it doesn't mean she has misinterpreted your intent and will feel bad or have her feelings hurt. If she has a different perspective, you will most likely listen with an open mind and perhaps learn something. But she very well may agree it is a fine idea for you to see the SI counselor. I don't think you need to worry so much about her feelings being hurt. You're going to do just fine explaining this.

((((((((((angel))))))))))

i think it's a great idea to go see this campus t especially if you can get into the SI group. from what you've said about your current t i'm sure she would be very supportive of this when you talk to her about it. in fact, she may be concerned how you are coping with only being able to meet every other week and being in college now. you're not hurting t, sweetie. i'm sure she'll be supportive of you as she always is from what you say.

[deliquesce]

oh, silly sausage, come here for a hug ((((((((fallenangel))))))))).

i think seeing your campus T is a GREAT idea!!

as you might know, i see Austin-T solely to focus on uni stuff - time management, exam anxiety, procrastination, obsession/compulsions that interfere with me doing the task at hand.

it was actually pdoc's idea for me to see someone else - he knew that there was just too much going on for us to work on uni as well, but uni was a really important thing for me to get under control.

so yeah - i think seeing someone separate for a very focussed issue could be really beneficial. i think it's especially promising that there is a SI group that you might be able to get into.

i dont think your T will be offended, at all. in fact, i think she will probably celebrate your initiative in recognising the limitations of your current therapy with her, and finding a promising solution. all she wants is for you to get well. it is not her fault, or your fault, that there are other more pressing issues you need to deal with in your time with her. that's just the way things have worked out.

i think it would be nice if you let your T know about this, otherwise you will feel guilty. and you need to let her know, because i am certain that you are doing nothing wrong, and that she won't see it that way either. you aren't betraying her, sweetie. you're taking control of your own direction in therapy, recognising your needs and how to meet them. that's real growth!

i'm feeling all bubbly and happy and excited about this potential avenue of help for you. i wish you could feel the same way about it too .

(((((((((((((((((((fallenangel)))))))))))))))))))))

I don't think for a second that this is going to hurt your T's feelings, or make her mad, or make her feel like she's not doing a good job, or any of those things. I think that she will see that you are working hard to find a solution to a problem that is getting out of hand. I bet she will be very proud of you

I know that some T's only want their client to be working with them...I was seeing another T on the side last winter for meditation instruction, but both my T and this other T made it pretty clear that she was there to serve this one role...that if I wanted to "do therapy" with her, I'd have to transition to seeing just her (no thank you!). My T HAS suggested support groups for me, so I guess that doesn't fall into "seeing another T" as far as he is concerned. And I've talked about the idea of seeing someone on the side just to work on ED stuff, and he was totally supportive of that idea. I know that my T wants me to be creative and resourceful and find whatever support I need to help me heal. I'm sure your T feels the same way.

(((((((((((((fallen))))))))))))))) I'm sorry you feel sad. I think this is a GOOD thing, and I think your T will too

[BlueMoon6]

(((((Fallenangel )))) I think everyone here said it perfectly. I wouldnt hide it from your t. You are close with her and you can explain it to her in the words you used here to explain it to us. I dont think for a minute she will be upset at you. The support group for SI is a great idea. You are fortunate that you have access to that. I agree with whats been said that your t will be glad that your seeking out ways to heal and get support where you need it, especially since you are seeing her less often.

Please be gentle with Fallenangle and give her the love she deserves

[fallenangel337]

You are all too amazing and too sweet to me.

I've added this, with the explanation, of everything I need to cover in T today. I put this issue at the top of the list. I wrote everything down that I wrote here, because I worry that I might get tongue-tied or forget what I need to say. If I write it all down, there's less worry of that.

You are all so right...I just need to have faith in my T. I have no reason to think that I won't be heard or that I will be misinterpreted. I was letting my fears of abandonment speak for me. I'm so used to involuntarily losing everything good in my life, so I'm scared to death of losing T, and that's where the fear is coming from. I feel like I'll eventually do something to screw it up. I do just need to put my own worries aside and have some faith in T.

So in my session today, I'm going to clear the idea with T, and I guess we'll go from there.

[BlueMoon6]

(((((Fallenangel )))) I know those fears of abandonment. Im glad you are taking the risk and telling her. You are definitely going to feel better and stronger for it. Good for you!

[fallenangel337]

I FAIL!

In everything else we discussed, I forgot to ask T about this. I seriously fail at life. I left her a message though saying that I had a question for her, so I'm going to ask her when she calls back.