[deliquesce]

trigger**

things got too much and then she was hysterical - screaming and crying and mum said the neighbours would hear - but she pulled out chunks and chunks and chunks of her hair and now her head hurts and is bleedy but she is more sad because it took 3 years to grow to that length and it was something she was proud of.

how do you fix your hair and now she's too embarrassed to leave the house and especially se eher pdoc again so what does she say

oh deli....

for now...you practice good self care...you call everyone..pdoc and austin t and let them know of the pain....thats the first thing.

then you take care of your scalp...fix the bleeding.

then later on when things are settled you fix the damage...not the end of the world...if some jackass makes a comment about it you say.."IT'S A LOOK I'M TRYING FOR NOW...I DON'T REALLY CARE WHAT YOU THINK."

it will be okay...everything will stop spinning and will settle. trust me...may take a little bit but it will happen. not to worry...you'll be okay...be brave deli.

stumpy

[deliquesce]

thank you sttumpy .

it's 2am here and also the weekend but maybe i will go to sleep and look at my head in the morning. dr pdoc said i could call anytime but i dont think he meant 2am on saturday morning.

i think i should go to bed. i wante d to go to hospital but i dont have insurance for pdoc's hospital and he isnt there on weekend anyway. and public will be mean to me. but i think i can just sleep maybe. pdoc has given me stuff to take before.

i just want my pdoc or my doggie back right now.

[sittingatwatersedge]

dear little Deli, ouch, and you need pdoc. So what if you wake him up, he will live; just hear his voice and then do what he tells you. my prayers are with you.

[peaches100]

((((((((Deli))))))))

Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry you got triggered beyond your ability to cope! It can be so hard dealing with internal pain. And you're vulnerable right now, without your best canine friend. It's important that you get the support you need. Don't worry about your hair right now, your emotional needs are mosts important at the moment. Are you able to lay back and rest or sleep for a little while? I'd suggest you contact your t and pdoc also. If you're worried about waking him up, can you take gentle care of yourself for until the sun comes up, and then call? Is there a crisis line you could call just for right now? We're here too. . .caring and surrounding you.

[Brightheart]

((((Deli)))) Your hair will grow back. Call your support system. P-doc wants to help. Anytime means anytime. I hope that you feel better.

deli

I hope you are peacefully sleeping now!

((((((((((((((((((deli)))))))))))))))))

oh deli, i am sorry things got to you so. was it about the doggie situation? i know that has been so hard on you. yes, do call pdoc when you get back up. let him help you right now, okay?

maybe you can get creative with scarves and things with your hair or pull back longer parts to cover the other parts. i think you'll figure something out because you're a creative girl. you could even get extensions once your scalp heals.

be gentle with yourself now, okay.

[complic8d]

((((((deli))))))
Take care...

[BlueMoon6]

((((((Sweet Deli ))))) I am so sorry you became overwhelmed. You miss puppy and you need pdoc. I say call him in the morning. He can help to get you more grounded.

I am also holding you in my arms. I know that overwhelmed, screaming place. It feels like an anger seizure. Your hair will grow back, maybe there will be a haircut that can cover the pulled places? Or, like bloom said, pull the longer parts over the pulled places. It might be more clear after some sleep. Can you pull the covers over your head and sleep for an hour or two?

Please take good, gentle care of Deli now. Call Austin-t or pdoc. They care so much about you. They would want to know if things got to be too much.

Hugs and love to you, dear Deli

[crystalrose]

oh Deli so sorry to hear about you having a tough time. you have helped me a lot in the past. In the morning call pdoc. I'm sure pdoc can help. About your hair i don't know what to do about that, but i know that they sell those pretty bandannas for child cancer charity so you could wear them

[imapatient]

[googley]

Oh Deli, . It sounds like you are in so much pain. Hopefully you are asleep for a little while now. Call your pdoc when you get up. He will want you to call. Austin-T also. My T once was so sad that I hadn't called when I was having a really bad time. I think your T and Pdoc (from what you've said about them) would feel the same way. They would want you to call them. Please take gentle care of yourself. Write more to let us know how you are doing.

[crystalrose]

hope ur ok Deli. tell us how you are today?

[BlueMoon6]

Are you OK Deli- post and tell us.
I hope you were able to get some peaceful sleep

[BlueMoon6]

How are you today, Deli? Please post and let us know

I hope you were able to get some peaceful sleep

[mixedup_emotions]

((((( DELI )))))

I wish I could make your pain go away.....

Please post an update. We care.

((((((((((((((((((((((((Deli)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I just want to reach over to the other side of the world and give you a HUGE hug.

How are you doing today?? You know that pdoc would SO want you to call him. Please call. He'll be sad if he hears you were in so much pain and didn't reach out.

[crystalrose]

Deli. hoping you are feeling better. You are going through a lot at the moment. Don't be scared hunny. You can get through this.

[deliquesce]

thank you so much for all your love and support, guys .

i am doing better today. i actually slept for 7hrs last night, so that helped. i haven't slept for more than 2hrs since my doggie passed away. i saw pdoc yesterday morning - i had rung him while he was driving to work and he was kind enough to find me a spot even though i had cancelled the day before. he's nice to me. but he told me to take some meds to make me sleep, so i did that and it helped.

i dont really know what happened last night. ive never done something like that before. it just happened, i dont know how. im really disturbed by it. i could understand if it had been a strand by strand thing, but just handfuls (literally) being ripped out at once. i dont get that. it makes me feel really gross, the thought of it makes me gag.

i didnt call pdoc/austin t because i am in control again. the report of what happened can wait until i see them next. i will be ok tomorrow. i might call austin-T on monday to double check that i have an appt with him next week. even hearing his voice or getting a txt will be nice, i think.

i am really not sure what happened. i have a lot of bruises on me and scratches all over my neck and chest and arms. i dont remember doing that, but no doubt it was all part of this weird frenzy.

ive just never lost control like that. i dont get it. can someone relate or explain? where did that come from? i remember most of the events leading up to it and stuff, but ive dealt with worse before, so i just dont get how it happened.

im going to bed now (midnight!). i feel very distant from everything, but i appreciate so much everyone replying here.

[BlueMoon6]

Oh Deli- I am glad you got some sleep and saw pdoc yesterday morning. Im sure it helped. I was thinking about you yesterday. I have to say, I have done things like that. I didnt rip out hair, but I have done a number like that on my body in a rage. Mostly when I was younger, but it is very clear in my mind how I felt afterwards. And how I felt looking at the damage. With me, it is pure furstration and rage. Being completely and totally overwhelmed and helpless with nothing left to do but do damage to myself. I have done it many many times like you described.

I am glad you feel more in control and not in that state anymore. I have compared it (for myself) to an anger seizure. And after the smoke clears, its baffling how it happened.

Go get some more sleep- the damage will heal, the hair will grow quickly and please know how much you are loved here and by pdoc and austin-t too.

[KUREHA]

Glad you're feeling a bit better and that you got to see pdoc yesterday

Take Care

[phoenix7]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Deli))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry aobut your puppy - it hurts when those we love leave us - but they ar forever in our hearts remembe that .

It sounds like it just became too much for you - study, your puppy , life in general, do you knnow what the trigger was? Im glad you spoke wiht pdoc
he is such a kind soul and Austin T will be able to hep too - he seems to know you well.

Please take care of you and keep us informed of how youare doing

take care P7

[Amazonmom]

Deli,

I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better. Wish I had some eloquent words for you, but I will offer hugs.

[deliquesce]

i actually saw pdoc on friday morning, and mind snap happened on friday night.

so he doesn't know anything about it. in fact, he told me how well he thought i'd been going, all things considered. so i'm doubly ashamed about what happened. im reluctant to return next week. also, it is my birthday on thursday and i feel like a loser for seeing my T on my birthday instead of going out with friends, so i'm wondering if i should cancel with austin-T also. not that i will see my friends instead, but yknow.

(((bluemoon))) - thanks for sharing your experiences with this sort of thing. i have a really hard time admitting (even to myself) that i feel rage and despair at times. usually i am able to sit with it but this time something just broke.

combination of everything you mentioned, P7, and more . i can name everything leading up to it, i guess i'm just that i reacted in the way that i did. pdoc and austin-T say how difficult it is for them to read me, because i hold everything so perfectly inside, dont show the slightest bit of emotion to anyone. i think pdoc would've dropped off his chair if he had witnessed my hysterics. ugh. gross.

anyway. thanks for your support, hey . i just feel so... i wish i could kick it under some rubbish or something and pretend it had never happened. i am mortified that i behaved in that manner. and i am confused because i'm not sure that i had any control over it to prevent it in the future. i hate not being able to problem solve .