Problem

Thanks Deli- this made me chuckle........but I really really like to read your posts as they are.....I really do...

You just did!

You said I didn't allow people to help me, or something like that. But people can actually help even when their helpee is not cooperating. They can do it in spite of the helpee; they do not let the helpee's fears stop them from helping.

Yes, it can look that way to a person unless they think it through and realize what is underneath. Doing that kind of thing myself with other people is one of my goals; I know it can be done.

17 short words. I do believe that;s a record.
post away, BlueMoon, someone is here most any time!!

It's been suggested a couple of times on PC that maybe I choose people (therapists) who are not good for me, because they act in a way that is familiar to me as a child. Sometimes that can seem to come too close to saying that I caused it, or that it was my own fault. One psychiatrist actually did say that to me: that my situation was my own fault.

In thinking about it, I do not think I have chosen people who will be bad for me. I do think that I have mostly not had a good filter when choosing them. I have just accepted what was presented to me, assuming that they must be OK. This is because I did not have the confidence to believe I could determine what was good and what was not.

In addition, it always seemed to me that if I had to make distinctions between people that I would have to believe that some people were "bad" and should be condemned. I could never bring myself to accept that as being logical. Now I think I can decide to put people in "categories" of pretty-healthy or not-so-healthy, and that those categories are (an attempt to make) distinctions that are factual, not judgemental. It is just trying to find the level of "health" in people without judging them for whatever state they are in (as far as I can see that).

A pretty short post, if you ask me.

(((((((pachy)))))))

ugh!

i have done this as well. also, i think therapy can be a rather mysterious process and the dang ts don't really tell you much about it...unless you ask. the problem is some of us have a super hard time asking for anything and it doesn't even occur to us to ask. that's my way of saying i also just assumed that the ts knew what they were doing and went with their lead. but some seem to be expecting me to lead i think? i'm not sure, but if i had the answers i wouldn't be in therapy. i think this whole finding a t process needs to be more like shopping for a car. we need to decide what kind of care we want, what we can afford, do we want a warm, fuzzy car or a speedy car, etc. it sounds like you have a strong need to just be heard and accepted for who you are. a t who is strongly humanistic would focus on that. do you know what your t's orientation is?

i don't know if this helps at all but i try to separate a person's worth from their actions. just because someone does something to hurt me doesn't make them a bad person...it just means they hurt me. now i've had therapy that has not helped me at all. that doesn't mean those ts were bad...just that their therapy wasn't helpful to me.

One thing that I uncovered in therapy was that I was totally blind to narcissistic people (my mom is narcissistic). When I discovered this I was totally shocked and couldn't believe that I couldn't see it previously. Once I realized this I learned my lesson well. I am blind no more!

oh, okay. i see what you mean now. i think what i meant was, how will you know when its safe to be vulnerable if you never let yourself be vulnerable to see what a person does. but i get your point!

He told me once he was doing CBT, at which I was quite surprised. He is, however, somewhat flexible, and does seem to be trying more now to listen to what I need. Whether he can do what I need well enough remains to be seen.

I've never quite figured out how to do that!

This is hopeful!

I find that when I start talking/typing I cant stop! Whatever is in my mind goes onto the keyboard. I go on and on and on without thinking, ya know, somebody might actuallly READ this stuff. And then I have written this long, rambling thing that doesnt look all that long on the "reply" screen. Then I hit "submit reply" and the post comes up and I see how long it is and I think, OH S**T! What did I do?????