My T had to cancel my appointment this week due to a family emergency out of town. I was okay with it and all, but then today I realized It will be another week before I see her. I really need to see her, so much is going on. I know it isn't her fault, but it feels awful.

I know I have plenty to keep me busy till then, 1exam, 1 big paper, 1 little paper and a poem to write.

But I just feel like Plus there is this not knowing what is going on. I know I have told her in the past that I really don't want to know, but it still has me worried that she is okay.

I just feel so emotional lately

[peaches100]

(((((Exoticflower)))))

It's hard when t is gone and you don't really know the situation. It's so easy to start imagining the worst and then to become more anxious. Try to relax and realize that t is most likely fine and is capable of handling whatever situation she is facing right now. It's good that you're keeping yourself busy. T will be back before you know it!

((((((((((((((exoticflower))))))))))))))))))

This summer in the middle of all of our breaks, T had to cancel one of my (rare!) appointments to go to a funeral. I totally understood and didn't fault him for it at all...but it was still really hard. I felt guilty for feeling bad, and that probably just made everything worse.

It's okay to feel sad about missing your appointment.

Being busy helps me a lot - I hope that all of the assignments you have help to pass the time. We're here too

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((exoticflower))))))))))))))
Once my T had to go out of town for a month for a family emergency, it was really hard, keeping yourself busy is a good plan, I am sure your T is fine.

[chaotic13]

Exotic I know it is not much help with regard to the what your feeling but... I think it is good that you are able to recognize that you are feeling sad/disappointed about not having your session. Just because you understand that family emergencies happen doesn't take away from the fact that you wanted to talk about somethings this week. The last time my T session was canceled was due to a snow storm. I remember being upset at the schedule change and having to wait another week to get fit in. For me what made things worse for me was the fact that once I realized I was upset about missing the session, I then attacked myself for being "a baby" for feeling this way. I think it was the secondary self attack that caused me more problems than the initial rescheduling. I hope you can avoid going this to yourself.

[hangingon]

Im sorry you are having such a hard time with her absense.
My T did a door knob confession with me as I was leaving session this week. As she was hugging me before I left, she told me to let her know how something goes and then said, I will be on a road trip but will have my blackberry for email. I didn't say anything.

It is so weird how it affects us when they go away. I felt myself worrying at just hearing those words from her. I worry about her safety, I'm am sure it has a lot to do with losing my mom not that long ago.

I hope your T comes back soon, hang in there...

Thanks everyone for all your support! I guess I am just feeling kinda depressed after being sick all week. I have been isolating myself too much I think mainly because I am sick but it still is isolation.

My french class isn't going well and the big exam is this week. I am getting D's on the quizzes and studying my *** off too. I just don't understand why it is so hard for me because normally I am an A student. This memory problem is really messing me up. It just all feels so overwhelming and I just need someone friendly to complain to about it who can just say ya, it really sucks, doesn't it? It is funny that my T just told me she took French too and says she doesn't remember any of it and she is only 30yrs old.

So now I am hoping for a C in the class which is weird for me. What is really bothering me is that in order to major in Psychology or philosophy you have have 4 semesters of one language. I am thinking of changing my major because if I am struggling this much with the first class, how am I ever going to do 3 more?

I think writing my poems for creative writing is stirring things up for me and is leaving me rather emotional but of course I get like that when I am sick. But at least I am getting A's in there and in my philosophy class.

But in racquetball last week something really disturbing happened to me. T helped me with desensitizing the sound which was triggering me but last week I got hit in the nose and in the chest within the first 5 minutes and I felt off that whole hour. I even tried to serve the ball the opposite direction twice. I laughed it off by saying I was up all night studying, but that wasn't the truth. I was dissociating. When I saw my T that day she didn't want to do EMDR with me because I had a french quiz the next day. She said we would do it next week on a different day so it wouldn't interfere with my class work. But that would have been this week, and that got canceled. Maybe it is all building up or something.

I did get an email from her confirming our appointment next week, she writes, sounds good? I am laughing cause it is rather a funny thing for a T to say because It sounds like we are going out to eat or something.

Sorry for all the rambling. I guess I just need hugs and some gentle words because I just don't feel very good. I guess the fact that I am missing her means that our relationship is going well I am trusting her more, but the dependence bothers me some. I don't want to get hurt like my other T's did to me.