[Simcha]

Sigh...
I know I haven't been around for few months, but I've been unable to focus enough under my current distress to really even turn the computer on in between my internet access blackouts. Anyway, I missed you guys.

My entire life has been uprooted and destroyed. I lost just about everything I have, and now that I've been betrayed by someone I loved and placed my trust in, the legal system is now abusing me too. I've lost all my money, my place, and any sense of direction that I might have had. Temporarily I'm staying with my dysfunctional mother's house until I can get back together. I wish the legal stuff wasn't hanging over my head, but it is and is just another barrier preventing me from truly moving on until it is over. She hasn't changed much. I notice I still fear the clanging of the dishes when I'm in my room... not too unlike my childhood. Her explosive anger resulted in her throwing an empty milk carton yesterday, pissed off that there wasn't enough (in her eyes) for her cereal. Nevermind that the reason the milk was low is due to her neglecting the shopping needs.

I owe thousands of dollars. I also have to file a bunch of paperwork for my financial aid for college to go through--a petition essentially for my dropping the ball during the last few months that I've had these serious issues. Now, I don't know if I can return to school. I have no job now either, and I am about to lose my health insurance. I cannot afford to extend it. That means that I can't see my T anymore for awhile until I get another job in the town I live in now.

This is great. Living with Mom again... Oh, the joys! (sarcasm). Seriously BROKE as can be, having no choice but to live with my seriously unsupportive mother or be homeless... no job, a legal problem, and alas--I discovered that I have no real friends during this episode as well. Just when I need my T the most, he won't be available anymore. I haven't had a chance to discuss this with him, as I just found out over the weekend how soon my insurance ends. Oh yeah, did I mention that my ex has the car? I can't even get around when I want to, stuck here with my emotionally abusive mother and a load of serious personal problems...

I don't know what I should do next. Thoughts?

((((((((((((((((((((Big Sam))))))))))))))))))))

Yikes I am so, so, SO sorry to hear the situation you are in. I know you will dig your way out, but for right now, it sounds like it just sucks. Like everything just hit at once. Ugh!

I really think that you need to call T, TOMORROW, explain what is going on, and ask if there is any way he can still work with you. Will it be hard to ask?? Yes. But you have been with him a long time, he cares about you, and if there is a way he can help you through this, I'm sure he'll want to figure out what that is. Most T's have a few slots for sliding scale or pro bono work...you won't know unless you ask. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Your T knows how to take care of himself...if he can't do it, he will tell you. But if he can, he will.

Will you do that??

In the meantime, you can come here and vent all you want (and my PM box is open too!) and lots of people will listen and try to help.

Lots and lots and LOTS of to you. I'm sorry things are so hard.

[sunrise]

(((((Simcha))))) It is good to see you again, but I'm sorry for all the c**p going on in your life right now. Do you need legal assistance to help with your legal problem? There are sometimes free legal assistance available at a law school--the law students do it for practice.

I agree with treehouse--tell your T what is going on. Maybe he can give you a few sessions at a greatly reduced rate. Until you get back on your feet again. A lot of Ts will do that. Please call your T and tell him your story.

Hope you will keep posting and let us know how you're doing. My PM box is open too!

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by treehouse

((((((((((((((((((((Big Sam))))))))))))))))))))

Yikes I am so, so, SO sorry to hear the situation you are in. I know you will dig your way out, but for right now, it sounds like it just sucks. Like everything just hit at once. Ugh!

I really think that you need to call T, TOMORROW, explain what is going on, and ask if there is any way he can still work with you. Will it be hard to ask?? Yes. But you have been with him a long time, he cares about you, and if there is a way he can help you through this, I'm sure he'll want to figure out what that is. Most T's have a few slots for sliding scale or pro bono work...you won't know unless you ask. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Your T knows how to take care of himself...if he can't do it, he will tell you. But if he can, he will.

Will you do that??

In the meantime, you can come here and vent all you want (and my PM box is open too!) and lots of people will listen and try to help.

Lots and lots and LOTS of to you. I'm sorry things are so hard.

(((((((((TREE)))))))))

I will try to sum up the courage to call him up today, but I really don't think I can ask him very much. I'm not sure he can do anything pro-bono due to his really busy office schedule and that I'm not so sure that he's the decision maker on that. In part, it upsets me quite a bit and makes me depressed to talk about things going on right now, including this specific situation, as it triggers depression and anxiety... a bad mixture.

The thing is that it is difficult right now to even find transportation to his office, considering that I don't live there anymore and have no car, thus depending on others who aren't that dependable. Additionally, I can't really afford to pay anything for sliding scale after this week either. Money for transportation includes gas both ways.

I can call him up sometime, but I doubt that I can get in this week before my insurance ends. I signed up for some veterans benefits, so maybe I'll have to see what I can tap into money-wise on that end. I did start seeing a clinician locally for my ADHD medication, and I need to call her up regarding this situation as well. I told her during my first (and only) visit that my insurance was going to run out soon, but I didn't know when. Now I know when and it's rather sudden.

I'm going to ask for help from whatever resources I think are good and safe ones. My T surely will understand if I breach this topic with him, but I'm not sure I want to chance feeling worse than I currently do right now, which is possible if the pro-bono discussion comes to place.

I qualify for vocational rehabilitation, so I definitely am going to place a call into them in a moment and complete the requisite paperwork. I haven't showered for a few days which for me is a part of the tiredness I feel from the depressing and anxiety provoking circumstances I am dealing with. I hate feeling like I failed and am a failure, which happens sometimes. I even skipped out on a meeting with my attorney last week, on purpose---and didn't even call him. It's not like he cares (actually he's a real jerk and has lied to me on more than one occasion), its just that I don't like to give into my negative emotions.

SAM

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by sunrise

(((((Simcha))))) It is good to see you again, but I'm sorry for all the c**p going on in your life right now. Do you need legal assistance to help with your legal problem? There are sometimes free legal assistance available at a law school--the law students do it for practice.

I agree with treehouse--tell your T what is going on. Maybe he can give you a few sessions at a greatly reduced rate. Until you get back on your feet again. A lot of Ts will do that. Please call your T and tell him your story.

Hope you will keep posting and let us know how you're doing. My PM box is open too!

I have an attorney---he sucks though. Primarily he sucks because he doesn't care about the quality of his work as his caseload seems huge to him. He lies to my face and I call him on it, then he becomes evasive and changes direction. He doesn't work WITH me, rather he sees our relationship as adversarial due to his own issues with his job.

He's a free attorney, and I would have to go through the process of firing him and soliciting a new one, securing the new one first so that I don't go unrepresented. Yeah, it sucks.

Now where I live there is a law school, and they do offer a clinic, but I'm not sure they will take my case. My crappy attorney is why I get anxious about my future, and also why I procrastinate on talking with him.

[deliquesce]

(((((simcha))))))

i'm too out of it (been throwing up for days!) to read/comprehend your post, but i just wanted to drop by and send you some love . i've missed you heaps.

[SpottedOwl]

((((Simcha))))

It's really good to see you back, but I'm sorry it has to be because life has thrown up a few really large speedbumps.

You're doing the right thing...you're dealing with it all. No, you are not perfect but you are surviving through a really tough situation, and that requires some serious strength.

Keep reaching out to good people and just be honest with them. It is hard to do it without feeling embarrassed, but the shame passes and it feels wonderful to find the help we all need.

On a very practical note, it sounds like you have *a lot* of details and practical issues to juggle right now. Take a few moments and write down everything that needs to be done. Then decide what has to be done first, second, etc. Each morning, pick up the list and do the next thing that needs to be done.

Definitely tell T as soon as possible. These are major life events, and that's what T's are for.

My thoughts are with you, Simcha. One small step at a time.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

(((((simcha))))))

i'm too out of it (been throwing up for days!) to read/comprehend your post, but i just wanted to drop by and send you some love . i've missed you heaps.

(((((deliquesce)))))

I've missed you too. Why so sick? You need fluids and to sleep. Try to get sunshine and fresh air until this episode passes.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by SpottedOwl

((((Simcha))))

It's really good to see you back, but I'm sorry it has to be because life has thrown up a few really large speedbumps.

You're doing the right thing...you're dealing with it all. No, you are not perfect but you are surviving through a really tough situation, and that requires some serious strength.

Keep reaching out to good people and just be honest with them. It is hard to do it without feeling embarrassed, but the shame passes and it feels wonderful to find the help we all need.

On a very practical note, it sounds like you have *a lot* of details and practical issues to juggle right now. Take a few moments and write down everything that needs to be done. Then decide what has to be done first, second, etc. Each morning, pick up the list and do the next thing that needs to be done.

Definitely tell T as soon as possible. These are major life events, and that's what T's are for.

My thoughts are with you, Simcha. One small step at a time.

((((OWL))))

That's true Owl----a lot to deal with. I finally managed to shower today (late afternoon, but at least I finally showered). Part of my problem with contacting my T is that unless I have some sort of an emergency (like say I feel suicidal or something), that he can't help me from afar. I could be very wrong, but I don't really know how to help him help me. I have much difficulty in relaying the problems I am having in a concise manner, which leads people to believe something far different than what I am experiencing. Perhaps because I have usually been very together while the others around me were crumbling...I feel like, Damn it Sam, get your ARSE together and DO what you NEED to DO. But... I'm depressed. I guess it takes a lot of energy away from what I need to do.

Originally Posted by Simcha

Part of my problem with contacting my T is that unless I have some sort of an emergency (like say I feel suicidal or something), that he can't help me from afar. I could be very wrong, but I don't really know how to help him help me.

(((((((((((Big Sam)))))))))))))

He is the T...can you call him and give him a chance to help you? You don't have to know ahead of time what that help will look like. T knows you well, and if nothing else, he can listen, you know?

I thought you explained really well in your post how overwhelmed you are feeling. Can you call and read that to him??

I'm glad you're reaching out here. And it sounds like you're really looking for some IRL resources to help too. I know it feels like an uphill battle, but all you can do is keep moving forward bit by bit, and that's what you're doing.

Next item on Sam's "to-do" list: Call T

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by treehouse

(((((((((((Big Sam)))))))))))))

He is the T...can you call him and give him a chance to help you? You don't have to know ahead of time what that help will look like. T knows you well, and if nothing else, he can listen, you know?

I thought you explained really well in your post how overwhelmed you are feeling. Can you call and read that to him??

I'm glad you're reaching out here. And it sounds like you're really looking for some IRL resources to help too. I know it feels like an uphill battle, but all you can do is keep moving forward bit by bit, and that's what you're doing.

Next item on Sam's "to-do" list: Call T

((((((TREE)))))))

Okay, so I just called my T's office to cancel my scheduled appointment (my insurance runs out before then), and also left a voicemail for him to call me.

I also signed up for some vocational rehabilitation stuff, but the appointment conflicts with one of my court dates, so I'll have to postpone enrolling until next month...

I also spoke to my crappy attorney (scheduled phone appointment). Most of the time he spoke over me and didn't care about what I told him anyway. He's rather condescending, but unfortunately I have to put up with him for now. He really doesn't see me as a person at all, which worries me, considering that my future can be damaged by the way he chooses to represent me. I also told him that due to conflicts that I can't make one of my court dates and I asked him to move it, and he said that it is unlikely the judge will move it unless someone was having a medical emergency or something. He left me with the impression that he wasn't even going to request the court to move it at all. He said that I better send him a doctors note..?><? Only good thing is I discovered I have a much nicer magistrate for my case than the one originally assigned...there's some hope on the horizon there.

Meanwhile I moved my appointment to later today with my clinician I see for my ADHD medication, as it's the last time I can really see her until I get new insurance, which could be awhile. My insurance runs out this Friday. I also have other health problems that need attention (new ones, yay), and I have crammed as many appointments into this week as I can.

To top it all off, my mother is behaving like The MegaWitch, and treating me like crap and trying to make everyone else "pay" for how she feels, taking it out on me instead of trying to do what she can. Really, she talks to me like I've greatly offended her most of the time. I have been forced to spend most of my time in my room, alone and boxed in, just to avoid her dragon-fire. You would think she would have grown up a little bit over the years, but apparently that's just another dream.

[turquoisesea]

(((((Simcha))))

I'm wishing you the best.

Is there any way you can try to find another representation? It's so good you've been making all these other calls but it may be worth it if this guy is going to misrepresent you

take care

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

(((((Simcha))))

I'm wishing you the best.

Is there any way you can try to find another representation? It's so good you've been making all these other calls but it may be worth it if this guy is going to misrepresent you

take care

Good question, but there are some stressful problems with that: I would have to petition the court to be assigned another attorney, which is difficult. I already had one brief discussion with the judge, the conclusion being that I needed to have more discussions with my attorney before I try to get rid of him, because it could throw a wrench in my progress on the case. She's a good judge from all accounts, and having spent some time with her on one occasion, I liked her immediately. My T even knows this judge, and has an excellent opinion of her professionalism (finally something I can work with---whew). Attorney's employed by the state get paid the same no matter how much work they do, and have virtually no oversight. Mine seems to have developed a serious attitude problem with his clients.

If I don't hear from my T by tomorrow, I'll keep trying him, as this is something I think I need to discuss with him, as I trust his opinion and he knows my attorney (and doesn't like him). I suspect that my attorney is going to encourage me to enter into some sort of settlement/plea agreement before the final court date...he won't tell me his strategy, and I'm sure that this is why.

((((((((((((simcha)))))))))))))

it's good to see you back! i wondered where you went. so very sorry to hear about what a rough time you are going thru. try to be gentle with yourself okay? it's hard but when you're depressed you need to ease up on yourself a bit. good for you for reaching out for help. take care. i hope things settle down soon.

[Simcha]

(((((((((((guys)))))))))))))

Thanks for the suggestions/support. My T called me yesterday and I spoke to him for 15 minutes or so. He told me to keep in touch and that he knows that I'll have insurance again soon (amongst some feedback/support on my situation). He told me he would email me with forms and stuff for my financial aid and vocational rehab paperwork when I needed them. I never email with my T, so his suggestion that he email them versus mail them feels weird. I think he's afraid that if we don't maintain contact that I'd slide deeper into depression, which is possible. On the other hand, I don't know what to say to him or talk to him about between visits. I guess I don't have much to say that I haven't said before. I suspect this is how depression sounds.

My prescribing clinician just prescribed me an antidepressant until I can see her next... I'm sorta scared to start taking anything that might have side effects as I've been through a lot of medication changes with some other problems I have though. We'll see what happens.