[deliquesce]

so now what?

that's 2 appointments i've missed and two messages which haven't been followed up. i am trying to think of other reasons for why pdoc hasn't been in touch, but i am pulling up blanks. possibilities (and refutations):

- something bad has happened to pdoc/he needed to go elsewhere on short notice. his reception did not let me know because i am not on their books anymore. BUT surely he would have received my messages, and could have let me in on the loop then. also, Austin-T would have mentioned something to check in with me if it had been something catastrophic.

- he is not receiving my messages/has lost his phone etc. unlikely because a) Austin-T has been receiving my txts, which i sent at the same time, b) if he really didnt receive my txts, it still doesn't explain why pdoc didn't call when i didn't go to my appts. even if he has lost his phone, he still has my number on file.

i can't think of any other reasonable explanation. which leaves me with:
- pdoc is ignoring deli. for whatever reason. maybe it is something i've done, or not done. maybe he is just sick of my continued presence. maybe he has got in trouble with the hospital for consulting my privately there because i'm not an inpatient (but if so, i would think he would let me know that the situation had changed). so yeah. i'm stuck with pdoc is ignoring deli, and he dislikes her so much that he can't be bothered to follow up with her.

now, the thing is - i'm doing quite well at the moment. BUT i do have some paperwork that needs filling in (refund of uni fee's, scholarship support letter, honours application). the scholarship support letter was due last friday. my uni had encouraged me to apply because they thought i would be a suitable candidate, and given that i no longer have a job, i could really have done with the financial support. i spoke to them about the situation, and they gave me a few days grace to get my letter in early this week. i am going to be majorly disappointed if my application is rejected as incomplete because i couldn't get in touch with pdoc in time.

anyway. if it weren't for the scholarship thing, i wouldn't care. i mean, i would care a bit, but i'm kind of over it too and i dont need pdoc right now anyway - i'm managing ok on my own. so i'm kind of angry that he might be getting my messages and thinking that i need him, when in reality i only need him for administrative stuff. if i had someone else to turn to for this stuff, then i would.

i dont know how much to pursue this. the scholarship is a lot of money and would cover the fees for the rest of my degree, as well as provide money for text books, computer access, printing etc. but at the same time, i dont want to call pdoc again if he is just going to ignore me anyway. there have been 4 instances now in which he could have contacted me, so i dont think it's a matter of forgetting. and anyway, the absolute last day to get the form filled out is wednesday - calling him tomorrow (tues) is pretty useless unless he's prepared to return my call AND offer to see me on wed to fill out the forms.

argh. i really really really dislike pdoc right now.

((((((((((deli)))))))))))))

Ack, how frustrating

It seems like THE most important thing right now is getting the form filled out. You really, really, really need that scholarship money...you need to pursue it until that form is filled out.

Can Austin-T fill out the form, or does it have to be p-doc??

If it has to be p-doc, you HAVE to find a way to reach him. Can you call instead of text? Obviously, texting isn't working right now for whatever reason. It's time to try to reach him a different way...this is really important.

Can you let how personal it feels go just for right now, until you get these forms filled out, and do whatever you need to do to get them filled out?

P-doc clearly cares for you a lot - I can't imagine what in the world is going on with him, but it IS really confusing. I hope you are able to get some clarity soon.

Lots and lots of to you!

[sittingatwatersedge]

sweet Deli,

living in the dark is not an option!!! would it be possible for you to go to (or at least call) Austin T (who is your T after all) and say, I am having a very hard time with feelings of rejection thse days, ... for example what do you think of this... and just lay it all out.
Since you know that they both know each other, you might get some useful news, or you might get a volunteer of help in contacting him, or you might get help with feelings of rejection....
sorry if this is not helpful, i am wanting to be helpful. Your university paperwork is VERY important, is now not one but three documents needing to be done - good grief if not by him then by SOMEONE, and besides you have questions of your own that need to be answered.

I don't know why he hasn't returned your texts, but it sounds like he doesn't have any idea about the scholarship or looming deadline? If it were me, I would try a multipronged approach (text, call, receptionist) just focused on that. Something like unfortunately you haven't been able to reach him for several weeks, and now this thing is due, and is there any possible way he could complete it by Wed.?

I'm sure you have a lot of other feelings that will also need to be addressed eventually, but as you say you are doing good for now, I would just try to focus on this immediate task and save the rest for later. Good luck! I hope you get the scholarship.

[deliquesce]

Austin-T is a silly bugger who's over in the US for the rest of the month, otherwise i would have totally rung him by now. i mentioned the paperwork to pdoc last time i saw him, and he made some joke about it, so he definitely knows.

i thought about calling his reception, but i'm not sure. i only sent the txt this morning, and i'm stupidly holding out hope that maybe he'll respond tomorrow? sometimes it has taken him a day or two to get back to me, and i dont want to appear rude by calling again. at the same time, leaving it until wednesday will be too late. if i call tomorrow arvo then i'll be in class afterwards, but maybe i can ask him to leave a voicemail or something.

am i stupid to wait in case he calls tomorrow morning? i keep going between "he hates me" or something really serious has happened on his end. in all probability, it'll just be a case of forgetting the first message, thinking "oh well" to the 2 missed appts, and remembering to call me at some point this week.

i doubt i will ever bring the "personal" stuff up, even if there was time.

[deliquesce]

i guess i can try for my GP on thursday if i cant get pdoc by wed. she won't be able to fill them out properly, because she hasnt known me for long, but something is better than nothing, right?

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i dont want to appear rude by calling again.

((((((((((((deli)))))))))))))

I don't think this is a time to worry about being rude. You're not just calling to say hello, or even to schedule an appointment. You are calling about something that has a definite time limit, something very important that you need his assistance with. This is a time to fight for what you need.

I hope you will call again.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

am i stupid to wait in case he calls tomorrow morning?

waiting is not good for you, pressure is NOT GOOD FOR YOU DELI. how about giving yourself a break.

and if poo-haid Austin T is over here, let us know where and we will go round him up for you.
or maybe

[velcro003]

Deli-call his office again! It is NOT rude! Let them know that he hasnt gotten back to you and it is very inportant he gets the msg and calls you back ASAP!! Is this the same office that sucks and pdoc has missed msgs from you before?

[bipolar_bear]

Deli, please call his office right away. Tell the receptionist you need this paper filled out today. They should make sure it happens. Explain that you have been trying to contact him and he has not responded. It is effecting your life tremendously. Please try and not be worried about being rude. It is they that are being rude. I just hate to see you lose out on something so important.

BB

[jexa]

I agree with the others -- it is NOT rude to call his office and say, I have been trying to get ahold of him for a while now and he hasn't returned my calls, what's going on?

Call the office today!

[BlueMoon6]

Deli- I agreee that this is bizarre. Calling your GP is a good idea. It maybe better than nothing.

Its not rude to call his office again. For the forms and you can also tell them you are a bit concerned. I AM a bit concerned.

[deliquesce]

hi guys,

thanks for all your replies . i woke up and pdoc had txted back - he is away this week, but offered to call if i wanted to, or can fill out the forms next monday morning. i am going to talk to the scholarship ppl and see what they can suggest (wait or go to GP).

of course i have been catastrophising since i received the message. maybe it is all unrelated, but i am worried pdoc did have to take time off unexpectedly, because it is just so bizarre that he hasn't been in touch. i might call reception tomorrow and try to suss things out - i kind of need to know he's taking time off because it's the school holidays or something, rather than because something terrible has happened to him or his family.

(((((((((((deil)))))))))))

i'm so glad you contacted pdoc again and have heard back from him. i hope everything is ok with him and he just got busy planning a vacation and forgot to message.

[KUREHA]

I'm glad you heard from him

Hope you get everything sorted for uni as well

[deliquesce]

well, i have good news, but it's left me with ick conclusions again.

re: scholarship, they are happy for me to wait until next week when pdoc gets back. he has said he can fill out the forms and leave them for me, so at least that will get done.

re: pdoc being away. apparently it is just a holiday, and he only went on leave this week. so it goes back to leaving the past 2 weeks unexplained. which leaves me going back to the old "he hates me" explanation.

anyway. whatever. i probably won't see him next week either, i think it's just time to start wrapping things up. i have a number of uni-related stuff for him to fill out (beyond the scholarship stuff), but once that is done then i probably don't need him anymore anyway.

[BlueMoon6]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

hi guys,

thanks for all your replies . i woke up and pdoc had txted back - he is away this week, but offered to call if i wanted to, or can fill out the forms next monday morning. i am going to talk to the scholarship ppl and see what they can suggest (wait or go to GP).

of course i have been catastrophising since i received the message. maybe it is all unrelated, but i am worried pdoc did have to take time off unexpectedly, because it is just so bizarre that he hasn't been in touch. i might call reception tomorrow and try to suss things out - i kind of need to know he's taking time off because it's the school holidays or something, rather than because something terrible has happened to him or his family.

I am so glad, Deli! Can I exhale now?

It sounds like a good plan to call the office and see if you can find something out. MIght make you feel better

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i probably don't need him anymore anyway.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

re: pdoc being away. apparently it is just a holiday, and he only went on leave this week. so it goes back to leaving the past 2 weeks unexplained. which leaves me going back to the old "he hates me" explanation.

The "he didn't get my text message the first week" explanation seems so much kinder. Why not wait to see pdoc before assuming the "he hates me" explanation is true? Take care, deli. I'm glad you heard back.

[deliquesce]

my head is full of rot. please remind me next time this happens, ok? (i probably wont believe you though. hmm).

pdoc called on his way home yesterday to let me know he'd filled out the forms. of course i'd spent the whole day being upset because he told me he'd do it first thing in the morning, so i assumed he was ignoring me still.

he could tell i was pretty sick when i called (got some bug? haven't kept anything down since saturday) so then he went into dr-mode on me. i hate going to the GP, so it was nice to get some medical advice. he told me what meds to take, but also made me promise to go to a GP if things havent settled by tomorrow.

then the phone line dropped out (he was driving home from work), but he sent me a txt to remind me about the forms. i sent him one back immediately asking if i could see him this friday, but he didnt reply. so, cue: pdoc is happy to talk on the phone, but he hates you too much to see you in person.

he replied at 10pm last night saying our friday session is locked in.

bloody hell, i can't do this anxiety/catastrophising thing. i'm scared to bring it up with him, but i know it's more damaging to me to just let it slide and go into panic every time he doesnt respond. i need some sort of promise like "deli, when i finally decide i hate you, i will promise to call/write and let you know". that way i can stop worrying about it until it happens. it's the worrying that's the worst bit, actually knowing wouldn't be so bad.

anyway. that's where i stand. fingers crossed i'm ok by tomorrow, because i dont want to see a GP. fingers crossed i dont make up some fantastic "pdoc hates you" scenario before friday and get myself into another mess. fingers crossed i can sit through 3hrs of uni today without being sick. ahhh .

[googley]

Deli,
While this isn't exactly the same thing, I had some catastrophic thoughts going on for a while. My mom had been having some health issues and my parents weren't telling me when things happened (eg she ended up in the ER). I finally told them that they had to tell me every time something went wrong because they were not telling me and I was finding out later. It was making me worry all the time that something had happened that they hadn't told me about. I made them promise.

It is that you want your Pdoc to promise to tell you if he changes his opinion of you that brought up this thought. And now I realize it isn't connected at all, but Ive taken the energy to write it so I'm going to post it. It sounded better in my head.

I hope you feel better soon, it sucks to be sick. I'm glad you were able to talk to pdoc and get an appointment set up for friday. Defenitiely talk to him about what has happened. I always know when my pdoc is going on vacation even if I don't have a scheduled appointment during that time incase I need something. See if you can set that up with him so in the future you will know if he is gone. Good Luck

[rainydaygirl420]

Why do you need him to sign those documents to get a scholorship? Im just asking so that I can understand your urgency. I would say if he hasn't returned phone calls, he is probably just busy and even though it is urgent, I wouldnt continue to text. I would go by and just ask if he can fill them out asap. But Im not sure texting is such a good idea, for one, you cant be that sure texts get to him and another, even though therapists have been doing that. Its actually frowned upon and looked at as a slippery slope to blurred boundaries on your Doctors end, not yours. Really in a proffessional setting, a phone call or going by is the better thing to do and when you finally do talk to him you need to ask why if he has said texting him is ok, then why is he not responding. Because not answering back once is one thing, but over that he owes you an explanation. It is frustrating to not be answered back and in my book its unproffessional of him to ignore you, but in my experience with therapists, I would say I have met more people in that field that dont know how to be proffessional and tend to be inappropriate in handling business. So I would make it very clear that you pay him and if he isn't going to do his job, you will find someone who will.

[rainydaygirl420]

I went back and read more of your posts, I would definatly say stop texting and only call or go by and you need to tell your doctor the same thing. Because it is causing you too much anxiety if he doesnt text you back and it really has caused problems in theraputic relationships. Texting is just not a good way to communicate things that are of an important nature.

[deliquesce]

(((googley))) thank you for sharing, sweetie. it's nice to know other ppl need certainty in the same way that i do - it's the anxiety/worrying that's the bad part. once i know what is going on, i feel a lot more in control and able to act, even if the circumstances of what have happened are bad. i hope your mother is ok now.

re: pdoc's vacation. usually i know when he is going away, but because we missed 2 appointments i guess he didn't have a chance to tell me. i'm scared about going in tomorrow and finding out why those appts didn't happen. i know i played a part in it, of course, but i really needed at least one of those at the time. oh well, i guess i survived.

Originally Posted by rainydaygirl420

But Im not sure texting is such a good idea... Its actually frowned upon and looked at as a slippery slope to blurred boundaries on your Doctors end, not yours.

thank you for your concern, ((((rainydaygirl)))). yes, i remember having the same reservations when pdoc initially gave me his mobile number, but it's worked out ok for the most part now.

he gave me his number because wanted to be available to a certain group of clients who might need him when he went on hols and he usually asked his secretaries not to pass on messages while he was on leave. (it turned out that i did need him - my T was threatening involuntary commitment, and i needed pdoc to step in and smooth things over for me). so i'm grateful i have his number. also, he explained that he receives txts a lot quicker than he manages to check his voicemail. my (new) therapist also sends me text messages, i think it is convenient for all of us.

even though i trust them to maintain professional boundaries, i trust myself more to run away quick smart if things start getting worriesome.