[velcro003]

Oh man my T just emailed me to cancel our appt tomorrow because her college roomate died suddenly and she has to travel for her funeral. how sad. It has made me worried for her.

[MissCharlotte]

((Velcro))

That is so sad. It just shows how deep our T relationships really are. Of course underneath we always worry about losing T. I do too. Can you send her a card and let her know you are thinking of her?

[velcro003]

I will see her next week. I have never sent anything, but it surprised me how sad I am. I want to go home and curl up in bed.

[moonrise]

It makes sense to me. Are you worried at all about how she'll be with you when you see her again?

[velcro003]

Sort of. I will see her next thurs. I feel sad for her, but feel even more selfish talking about my petty issues, ESPECIALLY because she is grieving a loss.

We human beings are amazing in that we can choose to hold our own pain aside and listen to that of someone else. Professionals are people who have chosen this pretty much as a way of life. I am sure your T will be fine, and happy to listen to you (and your issues are not petty!) And if she can't do that on any given day, I am sure she will let you know and reschedule

[velcro003]

That's what I hope, but I don't really know

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by velcro003

Sort of. I will see her next thurs. I feel sad for her, but feel even more selfish talking about my petty issues, ESPECIALLY because she is grieving a loss.

I know exactly how you feel here....A while ago, my T and I had a rupture (some of you may remember) when I was incredibly upset at something T said to me as I was walking out of my session the week before. It was hurtful, to say the least.

I went into his office prepared to address it...and I saw from the look on his face that something was wrong. His dog was hit by a car and killed the night before. We talked about that for a while, and shared some experiences related to that. I told him how awful I felt for him and his family, etc.

But the worst part was that once we got down to business (meaning, ME)....I went into how upset I was with him.

My thought at the time was that although I was sympathetic to his situation and we spent some time talking about it - and I expressed my genuine feelings - he came to work because he felt able to do his job...and I was there with an issue that needed to be addressed.

I did feel selfish at the time...and it was awkward. But I'm glad I addressed the issue, even with the additional obstacle.

If you're feeling uncomfortable, then it may be worthwhile for you to talk to your T about these feelings.

[ECHOES]

velcro, sometimes when tragedy strikes, after the immediacy and shock of it, after grief has been shared with others for some comfort, it is very relieving to get back to our normal routine. When you see T, you will be providing comfort and relief for her, just by being you and needing her and being part of her getting back to her life.

[velcro003]

Thanks MUE and Echoes. I feel a little better today about it. I really do hope she will be able to recognize that she is able to work, and I will try to tell her how it made me feel. One good thing I realized is HOW attached I am. I have been fighting it for two years, and have a long way to go...but I must not be a complete souless robot

[peaches100]

Velcro,

You are such a caring person to be so concerned about your t. But i believe your t would not want you to be so distressed. Try to remember that your t is capable of dealing with her emotions of grief. She is well trained in this area, and she will be able to take care of herself, just as she supports her patients in times of their distress. I know you feel guilty when you think about talking about your own issues, since you know your t is grieving. It could be, though, that in her time of grief, it might help her to be able to focus on something else, and in helping others, it may also help her.

[velcro003]

Thanks peaches. I think I just have to worry until I talk to her

[BlueMoon6]

Velcro- I think what you said in your last post struck a chord with me. I think I would also feel sad and worried for T. And I think that it does have to do with our wonderful attachment to someone who cares for us no matter what we say or do and the prospect of losing T. But I can relate to fighting the attachment, too. I have a fear of it, too. That I will become attached and vulnerable and get fatally wounded.

Sometimes it seems like the gap between securely attached and insecurely attached is miles and mile wide.......and how to reach across that gap?

[velcro003]

no idea! I definitely wouldn't put myself as being securely attached to her, but I am amazed I am attached at all. Or maybe that is just me being a human being. Generally, we feel for others when they experience a loss. I don't know. I have half a mind to just cancel next week, because it will be over a month since I've seen her (due to the holidays and then this), and it would be so easy for me to just slip right back into my life without therapy. I don't think it is THAT much different than with therapy.

[BlueMoon6]

OMG! I was thinking about this the other day! Im so glad you said this. I was thinking that I am very, very attached to going to therapy. I will do anything to get out to go to my session. I need it, I need that *me* time. But when I havent seen ftt (the same would go for any therapsit) I get to this point where I could care less about it and life would nt be all that different and what the heck do I like about it so much anyway?

I then reasoned with myself that without someone that I feel is on my side, I can isolate, feel very alone and depressed. I reminded myself of that. I have such weird thoughts when the wheels get spinning out of control.....

[velcro003]

Yeah, its hard because I don't feel so attached to the process, though I must be if I keep going after 2 years. But, for me, progress isn't very visible...I think much of the therapy work just has been trying to establish trust and to learn to open up, which I still have trouble with. So, on the outside I feel very much the same.

[BlueMoon6]

You know what? I feel the same way. What kind of progress have I really made? And maybe Im there because I like the atteniton and need a close friend. I compare what I was like 2 yrs ago and I am much different, but was it therapy? Would i have been different anyway? As crazy as it sounds, I did change a lot with dt, along with the damage she did. I realized a lot of things.

When you think about how you were 2 yrs ago, were you really the same as you are now? You seem to be processing SO much in therapy. Do you notice any difference between the way you think of some of the issues you have been working on with T? Even if youre not feeling more peaceful, do you ever feel more at peace with some issues? More accepting of yourself?

[velcro003]

Blue. you're so sweet to keep talking to me. Thanks!

I wouldn't say I'm the same as 2 years ago, but I was more in a "crisis" then. I tell myself that if that particular incident didn't happen, I would be exactly the same as now. Or even if it did and I didn't go to therapy, time would have fixed it. And probably would have.

But, I know therapy has helped at least a little. I have used T's voice in my head when making decisions. I also used her in my head to take initiative at work, and I'm not so sure I would have done it before. But, how do you really know? Maybe I would have because its been 2 years and I've matured and grown a little? I don't know.