[rainbow8]

I know it was bad timing, but it slipped out just when my H was leaving to go somewhere. I had told him about an experience today where I felt rejected and he said something about I'd want to call my T. I said I'm seeing her next week, and that I know his feelings about it, but I made my decision. Then he left without saying goodbye. I put my head out the door and said "aren't you going to say goodbye?" and he said "I'm trying to cool it."

I feel doubly bad now. I don't know what to do or say to him. I know he's very angry, and it affects me. Maybe I should listen to him and do without therapy? But I can't do that. I feel like there's no solution to this problem.

[fallenangel337]

(((((((rainbow))))))))

I'm sorry this is going on in your life, hon. It's extremely unfortunate that your H can't support you in your healing.

With that I would like to say: you come first. You are doing nothing wrong by seeking help, and by wanting to help yourself heal. Honestly, he should learn to deal with that, and he should be proud of you, more than anything, that you are trying to get help.

You can't make him understand anything about therapy or anything else, so do what you have to do, and do what you know is right for you. Who knows you better than you, right?

I hope everything goes well for you, hon.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I know it was bad timing, but it slipped out just when my H was leaving to go somewhere. I had told him about an experience today where I felt rejected and he said something about I'd want to call my T. I said I'm seeing her next week, and that I know his feelings about it, but I made my decision. Then he left without saying goodbye. I put my head out the door and said "aren't you going to say goodbye?" and he said "I'm trying to cool it."

I feel doubly bad now. I don't know what to do or say to him. I know he's very angry, and it affects me. Maybe I should listen to him and do without therapy? But I can't do that. I feel like there's no solution to this problem.

My H had a very hard time accepting that I was in therapy...and it's something that he holds against me to this day, even post-divorce. You are not alone.

Please, please, do not allow his anger to deter you from your own personal care. It may be worthwhile to contact your T so your T can help you deal with this.

[moonrise]

I think sometimes spouses worry a lot about therapy - what if we talk about them and make them look bad! What if we begin to rely more on our T's than them for comfort/support! And then there's the money issue.

It took me nearly having a break down (and my reminding my dh of the times I was hospitalized before I knew him), before my husband realized that therapy is not simply me chit chatting with a friend - that it can seriously impact my life for the better and help me be stronger and not end up in the hospital.

[chaotic13]

My H had a very difficult time accepting that I decided to go to therapy. He was very threaten by it, very negative, and verbally abusive. When I first started if he found out I had an appointment he would verbally attack me about it, how stupid I was for telling a stranger about stuff, and would repeatedly make fun of me sometimes in public. Since I was not all that confident in what I was doing these attacks really caused me a lot of distress. Things have gotten a lot better and he does not goes on the offensive when he finds out that I went to a session anymore. But that took me getting REALLY angry, standing up to him, drawing a very clear line in the sand, and demanding that he butt out. Unfortunately, his attacks and my resentment about them has left a big communication gap between us that could have been avoided if he were more open minded and less defensive. Even now 2.5 yrs into to it, I tend to avoid telling him when I have an appointment or to discuss things that have come up in a direct way. His reactions has made things more challenging.

rainbow I hope you can find a way to protect yourself from your H's comments. I will say that my T when I eventually told her what I was dealing had some good suggestions for flipping the attacks.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

.......... I will say that my T when I eventually told her what I was dealing had some good suggestions for flipping the attacks.

Chaotic do you think you could share some of the suggestions? I'm asking for myself as well as for Rainbow.

[BlueMoon6]

OMG! OMG! I LOVE what you did! And I LOVE his response! Dont you see? He is trying to process your decision. He doesnt need to say good-bye while processing. He is respecting your decsion, he doesnt need to agree with it, he just needs at this point to respect it. And, Rainbow, I see you respecting yourself and your decision as well. You told him, let him process. You need what you need, you have the money for it today, so you have decided what you want to do. WOW! If you allow him his feelings it is not a reflection on you, they are his feelings and he will choose how to deal with them. What do you say?

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Then he left without saying goodbye. I put my head out the door and said "aren't you going to say goodbye?" and he said "I'm trying to cool it."

rainbow, I don't know your H situation, but... at least he said he was trying to cool it. That impresses me quite a bit. Depending on the way it was said, but maybe he was actually trying...

It may not seem like it, but this may be a step in the right direction. Keep communicating with him. Does he know your t? Sometimes that helps.

When I started into therapy this last time, my husband was really actually jealous of my t. He'd never done that before, and it was a definite struggle. It all came to a head when I had to be hospitalized. My husband blew up at me and said some pretty horrible things that night. I called my t, and my t said to put my husband on the phone. I don't know exactly what my t said to him that night, but my husband backed off and was more supportive after that. (I suspect my t told him to back off and get supportive!) Now my husband actually goes to t for therapy too. Funny how things change.

Stick to your guns. Things may turn around yet.

[rainbow8]

I don't have time to post comments to each of you right now, but thanks, everyone.

Just a few facts. My H knows my T, and has come with for a few sessions. He's very jealous of the way I feel about my Ts. I've been in therapy for about 15 years. He think's it's enough. He has some good points--sigh....

[peaches100]

Rainbow,

I think you are making a very well-balanced decision regarding the frequency of your sessions. One session every 2 to 3 months is not excessive. Please don't feel guilty.

[Brightheart]

(((((Rainbow)))))

I'm sorry I'm so late here with this. I hate seeing you feel guilty for trying to have your needs met, but I'm glad that you went ahead and did what you believed to be right for you. Maybe your H's reaction...as others here have suggested...was a positive step toward him trying to accept this. How are things at home today?

[rainbow8]

Thanks, Peaches and Brightheart

I can't believe it but my H hasn't mentioned my appointment again, and neither have I! I know his opinion hasn't changed, but if he is keeping it to himself, that's helpful to me.

Peaches, I'm just afraid I'll "slip back" into feeling miserable in between appointments. But, I have a feeling that I'm better now, and I'm not as needy for HER, just for therapy, and that's different. I'll see how it goes on Tuesday.