[googley]

I'm nervous about my session on Thursday. I have only seen my T once in two months and we are going back to weekly appointments since my grad loans came in. But I'm really nervous. I'm scared because there are all these things that came up while I was off and I just pushed them down into a box like I'm used to and I don't want it to blow up in my face. I'm worried that if I start dealing with it again it will become overwhelming. I wish that I could wait and just have one session that is really relaxed and kind of easing back into it and I've seen other people here say that they have done that and it worked well, but I have one thing that I need to deal with that I don't know if it can wait another week as it has to do with my grandpa's death and he is really really sick. I just have so many things I feel like I need to write them all down so I don't forget.

-I'm scared that my therapist is going to be angry with me for not having the money to see her the last two months. And I'm really good with saving my money and everything.
-I've been having panic attacks that are new.
-I've been having nightmares and being unable to sleep.
- I'm totally stressed out about my grandpa and traveling for his funeral.
-Stuff with the new semester at school.
-All the regular crap.
-I'm just scared.

I'm just stressed out and this week seems to be going soooo slowly.

Someone please say something. . .

[deliquesce]

((((googley)))))

sometimes when there is to much to work through, i've found it helpful to change tactics and just focus of dissipating emotion. relaxation techniques if stressed, but my main bane in depression, so things i can do to make myself feel more ok.

i find it very difficult to deal with things that are "current". i usually need to let them pass before it's ok for me to talk about, should they otherwise become too overwhelming. so just making things slow down and focussing on coping has helped me before. i wonder if that could work for you?

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by googley

I'm nervous about my session on Thursday. I have only seen my T once in two months and we are going back to weekly appointments since my grad loans came in. But I'm really nervous. I'm scared because there are all these things that came up while I was off and I just pushed them down into a box like I'm used to and I don't want it to blow up in my face. I'm worried that if I start dealing with it again it will become overwhelming. I wish that I could wait and just have one session that is really relaxed and kind of easing back into it and I've seen other people here say that they have done that and it worked well, but I have one thing that I need to deal with that I don't know if it can wait another week as it has to do with my grandpa's death and he is really really sick. I just have so many things I feel like I need to write them all down so I don't forget.

-I'm scared that my therapist is going to be angry with me for not having the money to see her the last two months. And I'm really good with saving my money and everything.
-I've been having panic attacks that are new.
-I've been having nightmares and being unable to sleep.
- I'm totally stressed out about my grandpa and traveling for his funeral.
-Stuff with the new semester at school.
-All the regular crap.
-I'm just scared.

I'm just stressed out and this week seems to be going soooo slowly.

Someone please say something. . .

I find that just thinking of the things to talk about in T become overwhelming and trigger panic. This happened to me last week. Because I was trying to take life a minute at a time, and prior to my session, everything came flooding in. What I decided was to run down the list and talk briefly about each one...and then see what held weight for expansion of conversation. That way, I felt as thought each topic was at least brought to the surface...and then some things were actually dealt with.

It's difficult to deal with so much at once.

[rainbow8]

Oh, wow mixedup. I feel exactly the same way about my upcoming session next week! I have so much going on and am panicking because I know I can't cover all of my issues in 1 session. Thinking about what I have to talk about is overwhelming for me too.

Since you are seeing your T weekly again, you will have time to go over everything even though it's not tomorrow. My T always asks me to talk about the subject(s) I will regret NOT talking about when I leave. Often it's not what I thought was #1 because what I really want to talk about is too difficult. Since I don't see my T weekly, I have to "jump right in".

I hope your session goes well. Maybe it will help if you start out by telling her how much is going on for you, and you are scared.

[MINIME]

Hugs. I am here with you.

[zooropa]

I can relate to what you're feeling, even though I do see my T every week, I go through that anxiety every time. It's so hard to go in there and open up that box of things kept shut tight between sessions. Even harder to close it back up afterwards.

[MissCharlotte]

(((googley)))

First of all T will not be angry with you for not having money for sessions. That is for sure, so you can just put that worry aside. Second of all you are carrying all the sadness about your grandpa in addition to your usual stress and load. And also, just the stress of reuniting with T would be enough to throw me over the edge. So why not do just what you suggested,and write all these things down that you need to deal with and ask T to hold onto the list for you. Then, spend the session getting stabilized in the T relationship so you can access it if you need when you have to travel. I remember one session when I was feeling extremely overloaded and it was following a lot of stuff including a rupture with T. I walked in and sat down and said that I just needed to experience us. And for a while we just sat there. And then we talked about things, normal everyday things. And we reconnected, and it didn't matter that I didn't have the chance to tell him everything that felt wrong in my world, because I knew he was there for me.

I am so sorry about your grandpa's illness.

[googley]

Thank you everyone for the support. I have T tonight so hopefully today goes well. I did write out a list so that I have something to take with me. I know I shouldn't be scared. I feel less scared today, but I also feel like I've shut everything down. I'm off to work on statistics (fun, fun).

[zooropa]

let us know how it goes, googley.

[googley]

I went to my appointment today. Overall it went well. Though it was really tough. We did planning for thing for me to work on outside of therapy (ie working out) and things for us to work on in therapy to help with my anxiety. I was able to go over all the little things quickly and then spend a good portion of time on the big things. I feel better now that I'm reconnected to T. But I think there are going to be a number of tough session in my future as long as I don't avoid.

[sittingatwatersedge]

((((((((( googley )))))))))))

Good job! That;s the way, one step at a time. I am glad tat it went well for you. All that dread, you suffered enough beforehand. Try to be patient (I know it's hard). you are working hard, and doing well.

[peaches100]

Hi Googley,

I know you're dealing with some really painful stuff lately. I'm glad you had your t session yesterday. Does it help a little bit that you and t were able to plan out some things for you to work on outside of therapy, and give you some idea of what you will be working on in your sessions? I know you're nervous about facing such painful things. One step at a time. . .we'll be there for you!