how do you not avoid hard topics in T?

I need to return to some really hard topics from this week when I have therapy again. We made plans for things to help with the anxiety, but that doesn't address the issues themselves, just coping. But I know that I need to return to these topics. How do I do this? How do you all get yourself to return to hard topics. One of these things I've been avoiding for years, but it really seems to be rearing its ugly head. But if it seems like I could avoid it by dealing with something that is more recently coming up I will. And I know my T wont press dealing with the specific topic even though she may press working on the coping skills. Any advice?

Thanks.

Googley, you've already said it .

But I will add that sometimes it helps me to just go in and announce that I have something to say that I don't want to , or might avoid, or might put off until the last minute. It helps to do this because then I feel like I have already begun and T encourages me to continue.

Echoes has a very good idea. Definitely tell your T first thing that there's something difficult you need to discuss. Even before then, I find it helps to plan what you want to say in your head. Just keep repeating it over and over in your head. It gets easier and easier each time, and it'll help you say it when you get to T.

I found several things that have helped me. I said little of any significance the first two years of therapy. Got very frustrating.

First, ensure that your therapist is the right person to whom to speak your truth. With the focus on coping, she might be more comfortable in the cognitive/behavioural orientation. It helped me to know that my therapist could incorporate what I said. NOT that CB therapists don't care about our issues. The help they offer can be profound, but I think by clearing a clear path for yourself, it will help you to feel more comfortable.

Second, I used to do "dropbox" therapy. I would write out everything that I wanted my therapist to know, and then leave it at his door and flee! At the beginning of the next session, just simply ask if she received your note. You DON'T have to talk about anything in it, but at least she'll know. I pay my therapist directly and used to put my payment in the letters. It would ensure that he would open them (he likely would've anyway, but in my mind it helped).

Third, I used to be very confused (probably still) about exactly what it meant for the client to be "in control" of the session. I used to ask my therapist to ask me questions. His favorite response was "What do you want to talk about" Arrggh! What I'm coming to realize is that whatever I may blurt out (usually out of frustration with myself), I can decide not to talk about it anymore. There is no horse that I can't put back in the gate in therapy. I can tell my therapist to forget I said something, and, well he has to at least act like he has. So even if I say something that I may feel is going to overwhelm me eventually, I can tell my therapist that I'm about to be overwhelmed and we can work on that.

Fourth, if you can remember your dreams, talk about them. I found my dreams and our interpretation of them were usually very soft ways to lead into bigger issues.

Hope this helps, these are just some tricks I picked up along the way to help my therapist to help me. They may not apply to your situation at all, and if not, I'm sorry I wasted your time.

Take good good care.

for the "big" issues that i avoid, the only way of confronting them (for me) so far has to been to schedule an appt specifically to talk about it. e.g., on monday pdoc & i will decide that on wednesday deli will finally talk about x. we spend the rest of monday's session deciding whether now really is a good time to talk about it (maybe in a month? will it overwhelm me when i'm juggling assessments? or is it too pressing for us to ignore?) and how to cope after talking about it, and also him reassuring me that it's ok and he will still be the same pdoc etc.

we usually schedule the second appt close by otherwise i fret too much. it's the only way that's worked for me so far.

i have one of "those" appts coming up with austin-t. sitting with fear and dread.

Deli

I do too. And am sitting with major fear and dread. And must continue in this mode for ten days... yikes

I am actually working on one of my hardest topics right now. I emailed her it and she of course said it was something we couldn't ignore. lol For me, I think If I am bold enough to say it, it is like I am ready to work on it. Plus if I say it before my appointment, I don't chicken out plus it gives my T a moment to think about how to proceed with it.

So can you email your T or leave a message that gives her an idea of what you really want to work on ?

Ellie-your T sounds like mine I am much better about being "in control" of my sessions and what that means. It used to be very tortous as we sat there in silence for what seemed like forever. She just kept saying "whatever comes to mind" NOT HELpING, T! the start of the session is still rough cuz I always find it awkward to start...but I've come to enjoy talking about whatever I want.

I've gone through periods where I wonder how helpful that can be, as highly avoidant that I am. Like what if I just talk about stupid stuff all the time or just keep talking about different stuff each time, how would I ever get to the stuff I KNOW I need to talk about? What I've (very slowly) found out is that my mind will keep pushing at a topic when I am ready to start dealing with whatever issue it is. And its usually one step forward and two back...but that next step forward moves you along incrementally.

All I can say is keep showing up, talk about your dreams if you can (my t sues them as a way to delve into certain topics. But I also just disregard my T if I don't want to go there

After several frustrating experiences with therapists, I now tell a new therapist during the initial session that I will not see a therapist who only knows how to say, "What do you think about that?", "That is a problem, how do you think you should handle it?", or any other form of therapy where the therapist repeatedly comments with questions rather than substantive information or suggestions.

I try to do my part by being open and forthright. I tell the therapist straightaway what issues are most pressing in my view. Generally, many others get discussed, but for me getting the most difficult and traumatic issues on the table is my way of showing the therapist I am serious about dealing with my problems.

Having a good working relationship with the therapist is paramount. If I do not think I am making progress, I ask the therapist if he/she still believes s/he can help me. One therapist was honest enough to tell me he did not look forward to seeing me.

As I have said before, despite having had a large turnover in therapists, I have learned from each of them. While I do not view changing therapists as a failure, I am encouraged by this quote from Churchill: "Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm."

Thank you everyone.
The topic isn't totally new. We were dealing with it at the end of session yesterday. However, she always lets me decide what we are going to talk about and I'm worried that I will avoid it. It's too hard to talk about. But it is causing me a lot of distress so I can't just let it go. I want to be able to skip talking about it and just feel better. But I know it doesn't work that way. The topic makes me feel ashamed.

I try and make a point to tell my T when I *don't* want to talk about something, because in reality, I know I need to. That way she knows I'm hesitant, but also that it needs to be dealt with.

Good luck!