[shezbut]

The other day, I got bad news in the mail which infuriated me. Angry is an understatement really. I had intense emotions, wanting to physically hurt the insurance company employees (in charge of the deal). A thrilling and tempting thought.

I often use physical exercise as an emotional release in situations like these. However, I quickly turn the thought of hurting others into the reality of hurting myself through working out too hard or in dangerous situations, that kind of thing.

This time, I sexually attacked my boyfriend. No hurting there ~ I just put my energy into expressing passion. It was seriously wonderful for both my boyfriend and myself. I thought that my handling of the emotions was healthy.

My T, however, wasn't real thrilled with the way I handled my fury, to get through the moment. Like it was unhealthy? I explained that I didn't use any hurt or sadism. I simply put my mind and energy into sex. What's wrong with that? I don't understand. It's certainly better than going with my impulse (to beat the ^%^% out of someone or myself), right??? Am I missing something?

[jennaorgana]

hey, if you ask me, that is a GOOD way to express your anger. im jealous! angry sex for me is so thrilling and rewarding.

maybe your T just hasn't gotten any in a while

[Ascension]

I am far from an expert but I would think this is okay under the right situations. I think maybe there could be distortion in emotional attachment with sexual intimacy if this became something you did regularly, but that doesn't seem to be the case. It sounds to me like you used it creatively to deal with a particularly stress situation and that you have other more dependable coping skills. You probably will want to follow up with your therapist and discuss it further. I would be interested in why this is bad, because I just don't see in my uneducated mind why this is something she would frown on.

[Sannah]

Sounds like he needs to explain his point more. (I'm not sure what his whole argument is??).

[PeculiarGroove]

Doesn't sound unhealthy to me. Perhaps your T was making the point that if you refer your fury into sexual passion eventually it will stop working and then you will be back to square one - you know, like you'd be masking the problem? Maybe your T thinks it's a good coping mechanism while you work through issues but isn't a solution?

this is just a random thought and may not be right, but maybe T wants you to sit with the feelings and feel them rather than act them out.

also, my friend's old boyfriend used to use sex as a way to release his stress. he wanted sex from her more than once a day and she ended up feeling like she was being a bit used. it wasn't about having sex to connect but just to relieve his stress. your T may be concerned about something like that developing if this became a pattern.

[BlueMoon6]

Interesting you posted this. I had an argument of sorts with a previous T (desk-T) about just this. I used to do this a lot with my husband. Put my depression or anger or fear or whatever needs into sex. She wasnt happy with it either. I wasnt happy with her interpretation of how I handled my feelings.

If you say it was seriously wonderful afterwards then whats the problem? You still have to deal with the bad news that came in the mail. I also didnt feel like I used sex as a drug. I wasnt looking for another "high" afterward.

Im sorry about your bad news. I hope things turn around for you soon. But Im glad you have someone to comfort and help you thru it all.

[shezbut]

Hi Ascension,

Thanks for your input. I suppose that using this technique as a regular coping method would be unhealthy. My DBT group thought that I used lots of skills to get through the intense stress and were impressed. Perhaps I will discuss the T's initial disappointment with him to gain better understanding and help myself feel better.

[shezbut]

Hi Peculiar Groove,

Good point. My T didn't see it as a way to get beyond my emotions. Which is true ~ those intense negative emotions were set aside to feel the passion.

But that's just it. It's a distress tolerance technique. Exactly what I needed to make it through that moment.

[shezbut]

Hi Bloom3,

Perhaps...I think that I'll have to bring it up on Tuesday.

I can understand your friend's experience. That doesn't sound as though it would be real fun for her.

Thanks for your input!

[shezbut]

Hi BlueMoon6,

Thanks for posting your experience.

I did end up speaking with my insurance company and resolving the "issue". I *think* that the love got me through that moment of intense anger and gave me a little space to talk, think, listen to and compromise with the insurance agency. Otherwise, I would have been spinning a real long time ~ and suffer the consequences.