!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rainbow8]

(((((tree)))))

What's going on? Is it because he hasn't called you yet since his accident and you're still worried?

[sunrise]

Did you see your T? Is he OK?

Are you OK?

(((((treehouse)))))

I'm hesitant to post because I feel like I will get lectures on boundaries/dependency/I-told-you-so, and I just don't feel secure enough right now to deal with that.

But hugs are nice. Thank you for that. Maybe I just need some hugs.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by treehouse

But hugs are nice. ......... Maybe I just need some hugs.

[Mike_J]

No judgement no lectures

Just do what is best for YOU

[googley]

((((((Tree)))))))

Whatever you post is okay.

[zooropa]

(((((tree))))) thinking of you, hoping you heard from T, hoping you feel safe to post what you're feeling when you are ready.

[sunrise]

Sometimes it doesn't feel safe enough to tell our stories. That's OK. Thanks for telling us what you need. More hugs for you:

[3velniai]

(((tree))) I can promise there will be no lectures from my side.

[tryingtobeme]

((((((((((tree))))))))
No lectures from me. It's good to know that hugs are okay for now. Please post when you feel ready.

Don't we all have those feelings from time to time! Hope you feel better.

Thanks for the hugs and the promises of non-judgement. That helped a LOT, truly.

T just e-mailed me and we are going to talk on the phone at 5. I think that will help.

[3velniai]

I hope it helps What time is it at your place now? Do you have to wait long until the phone call?

It's 4:45.....

I talked to T and I feel so much better. And you know what? I was right, he didn't type the e-mail. I guess he and whoever typed it (his wife?) do the same quirky thing in e-mails. How weird is it that T's wife typed an e-mail to me? Not in a confidentiality way, because my name wasn't on there, but in a...T's WIFE typed an e-mail to me!..kind of way.

I feel a teeny tiny bit spiraly after our conversation. I guess because truthfully (and I told him this) I really want HIM to feel better...and I was really scared and needed ME to feel better too. I guess I feel guilty that he needs to reassure ME when he is hurt. But on the other hand, I am very open with T about my toddler-like-neediness, and he said that it was really okay, so I'm just going to have to believe him.

I'm really glad he took the time to call me. And he'll be there for my session on Thursday, and that makes me happy.

I have GOT to get out of the spiral I'm in though. I told him something at the end of the conversation that I wish I hadn't said and now I'm playing it over and over in my mind. Oh well. I can't get it back now, and I know T doesn't expect me to be perfect. I think I was just being stupid because my emotions were SO high...between the fear and the relief. I didn't say a serious thing...just a stupid, jokey thing. Blah.

I should knit. That will help.

[zooropa]

(((((tree)))))
yes, knit, that WILL help! I was thinking this morning about how knitting keeps me sane, seriously.

I'm so glad you were able to talk to T, did he tell you what the "accident" was?? I'm curious, and I don't even know him, so I'm sure you were curious too.

Sorry you're still not feeling quite right about it all after your conversation, though. I'm just really glad that you will see him on Thurs, that's just the day after tomorrow! You can get through this without spiraling out even more.

I know when my T is away or sick I feel sort of abandoned, not sure if I can call her if I need to and having that thought always makes me feel like I NEED to call her. Do you feel that way, at all?

[ECHOES]

(((tree)))

Originally Posted by zooropa

I know when my T is away or sick I feel sort of abandoned, not sure if I can call her if I need to and having that thought always makes me feel like I NEED to call her. Do you feel that way, at all?

Yeah, when I know I can call him it makes me feel all safe and secure and I don't need to. When I can't, I feel kind of scared and want to call him SO badly! I think that's why I felt so much better after talking to him. Just knowing he is available.

I am SO dependent on T I know that he trusts that I will "outgrow" it when I'm supposed to, and I try to trust that too. I think there has to be a certain amount of dependency for me to work through the trauma stuff I'm working through. But sometimes it's hard and it makes me sad.

[rainbow8]

I'm glad you talked to T and he is okay! I understand the dependency thing, since it's what I struggle with so much. You just have to trust T to know what he's doing.

[BlueMoon6]

Here are some more hugs

I think feeling dependent on T is part of the process. Can you really trust someone with the things you have without depending on them? He literally has your life in his hands. He is good and you have shared your very soul with him. And I think it has to be a mutual kind of relationship to work the way it has for you. But I know it is hard and makes you sad, I so understand that, too

More love and hugs

[mixedup_emotions]

I'm sooooo glad you talked to T.....

And I understand your feelings and fears with being dependent on T...I think that's part of my roadblock with my T. I'm too afraid of getting attached that I just don't let him "in" as much as I need to. It's just too scary....

Your T sounds so wonderful, and your relationship sounds so wonderful - yet painful.