I feel myself wanting to stomp my feet! I want my T to come back! NOW!
She emailed me back today, but I think I might be missing her.

Then I saw my ex T today and I couldn't help but to smile back at him. Damn him! I wish he didn't have that effect on me. I just don't know if I can turn him in for his actions. I hate having mixed feelings about this. I know he deserves to be turned in, but I just don't know if it is in me to intentionally hurt him in this way. With the racquetball instructor, there was no emotional bond to him, so it was easier.

I do wish he would get help for himself. I am not sure if the anger he will feel if he gets turned in will actually help him see what he did was wrong and that he needs help. It is just hard because I keep running into him, maybe I need to stop going to the gym ? It seems like it might be easier to turn him in if I didn't see him all the time. I know there are no really clear answers here on what I should do. I know it is normal to have conflicting emotions on what to do about this. Today I am just feeling rather weak.

Then off topic, I found out yesterday that my daughter's guinea pig has a kidney stone and will probably die soon from it. I can't afford the $500 surgery and the vet I have said that all of the cases she has worked with, the pig usually gets another one anyway. So we are giving it pain meds, but it is so sad! It is the first pet death for my kids, and as a mom it totally breaks my heart to see her in pain. Plus I am attached to "cookie" too.

[zooropa]

(((exotic))) you have a lot going on, no wonder you feel like you are struggling to hold it together! I can relate to missing T when she is gone, or sometimes just between sessions even. It's good that your T emailed you, at least you can have some contact between now and your next session!

As far as your former T and feeling like you are intentionally hurting him, I look at it more like it is the repercussions and consequences of HIS actions coming back to bite him in the butt, not something YOU are doing.

sorry about the guinea pig, that is so hard to watch our kids try to understand a loss like that. Our family dog is dying and will probably be put down this week, so I know how you feel. So sorry for you and your kids.

okay...you did nothing wrong...he did..you crossed no boundaries, he did. you didn't do all sorts of yucky other things..he did.

sure you are going to have mixed feelings...that is to be expected...good or bad this nut job was a part of your life...but go back and read some of your past couple of threads...he was not always a positve aspect in them.

a suggestion..until t comes back..stay away from the gym..this way your support network is in place...and he can't work his charm on you.

because he will try to weasel you out of filing a complaint..he is good at talking his way in & out of things...stay away for now.

as for him getting help himself..why should he? he doesn't think there is a problem..so why get help for it. if hew thought there was a problem then it weouldn't have reached this point..and i dare say he wouldn't have followed you from gym to gym (you don't think this was just a coincidence do you?????)

some people just need to have someone big smack them upside the head and stop them. he is one of them..and if it means taking the lic . away then so be it. ..before he harms someone who might not be able to bounce back from the damage. he is a t...he should know better..and shame on any other t who knows him and does nothing for then they are no better than him..for then they are saying his behavior is okay.

now onto the piglet....so sorry

you know there is a place called the rainbow bridge..well for bassets there is the grand buffet..a place where you meet up with all your basset (and other breed ) friends who have passed and you get to eat all the foods your owners brought you home in white boxes and much rowdy behavior happens. it is big fun.

concoct a story similar to that for piglets..what would heaven be like for a piglet...let your kids go wild..make
story book..put in pix of said piglet, etc...(okay so i know nothing of guinea pigs)

a nice book about where dogs go after passing is called the dog chapel by stephen huneck but alas..it doesn't talk about pigles

stumpy
who just spent 90 min picking up the pieces of my life dealing with the actions of an inappropriate t...who somehow thought that her sexual abuse would be okay because i was the crazy one..so yeah report his sorry butt

Originally Posted by zooropa

(((exotic))) you have a lot going on, no wonder you feel like you are struggling to hold it together! I can relate to missing T when she is gone, or sometimes just between sessions even. It's good that your T emailed you, at least you can have some contact between now and your next session!

Thanks Zoopra
It kind caught me off guard that I actually miss my therapist this week. The emails are great, not the same, but at least I know she is still around attending a group therapy conference. I am happy she still wants to keep learning at all, but it is hard when she is gone.

As far as your former T and feeling like you are intentionally hurting him, I look at it more like it is the repercussions and consequences of HIS actions coming back to bite him in the butt, not something YOU are doing.

I know you are right about all this, I just don't know, I just feel bad for him or something. The mixed feelings are hard. Some times I feel like tripping him on the indoor track and flipping him off than sometimes I wish to talk to him again. I think today was different in that I heard him speak to someone saying his name. That might be part of it, his voice. I just wish this was easier.

sorry about the guinea pig, that is so hard to watch our kids try to understand a loss like that. Our family dog is dying and will probably be put down this week, so I know how you feel. So sorry for you and your kids.

I am sorry to hear about your dog, I think dogs are even harder, they live so much longer. I have a cat with mild kidney disease and a dog with bad arthritis in both hips. But yet I can't imagine my life without my pets, I guess it is something that we must deal with when we fall in love with animals. But as a mom, it hurts so much more when your kids are hurting.

[mixedup_emotions]

I totally know what you're going through as far as your mixed feelings about reporting T.....I have those same feelings about my ex-husband. He needs to suffer the consequences of his actions, but yet there's times when I feel weak....focusing on the good parts and minimizing the bad....and ultimately feeling stuck.

Luckily for me, my ex continues to do things and say things that knock me back into reality....But it is oh so hard during the weak moments.



And I'm so sorry about your guinea pig. It is so hard to deal with death with kids. We had a cat that died when my daughter was younger, and it was incredibly heartbreaking to tell her and deal with her horrible feelings of grief and sadness. I didn't want my daughter to hurt, and there was nothing I could do to make the hurt go away.

I learned, though, how important that lesson was - because she was able to understand death at a young enough age so that when her pop-pop (my dad) died when she was 5, that wasn't her first experience with death. He dropped dead right in front of her....and I still don't think she's processed it.

Death is so incredibly hard - for adults, let alone having to deal with the pain of grieving children.

Originally Posted by stumpy

okay...you did nothing wrong...he did..you crossed no boundaries, he did. you didn't do all sorts of yucky other things..he did.

sure you are going to have mixed feelings...that is to be expected...good or bad this nut job was a part of your life...but go back and read some of your past couple of threads...he was not always a positve aspect in them.

LOL, I KNOW this, I think I am just having a weak moment right now. He is so dang charming some times and he truly is the only one I know who I can be really mad at but yet with just a look or a smile from him, the anger disappears. (at least for a little while) That is so annoying and I hate that I can be manipulated by him like this.

a suggestion..until t comes back..stay away from the gym..this way your support network is in place...and he can't work his charm on you.

I should just walk my Newfie than, she needs it too if the weather isn't too bad (for me anyway, she LOVES the snow)

because he will try to weasel you out of filing a complaint..he is good at talking his way in & out of things...stay away for now.

He doesn't know yet about the complaint, unless someone saw this here and told him. I do know he has read some of my stuff online either on this site or another one, he told me. He didn't like it much, but heck I need some support for what he has done.

as for him getting help himself..why should he? he doesn't think there is a problem..so why get help for it. if hew thought there was a problem then it weouldn't have reached this point..and i dare say he wouldn't have followed you from gym to gym (you don't think this was just a coincidence do you?????)

I am not sure, we keep crossing paths all over the dang place and I don't live in a small town either. My current T is amazed at this actually, she believes it is sending me a message or something spiritually. It is in a sense forcing me to deal with this issue. (as if I didn't have enough to begin with?)

Thanks for all the grieving stuff for my piggie. My daughter is putting together a photo album of him (she loves to take pictures). She is older, just turned 15, so I can talk to her realistically about this. She wants to be a vet, so this is something she will need to learn how to deal with. In fact I have 2 dogs, 1 cat, 3 piggies, 1 cockatiel, 2 ducks, and a pond of fish. Come to my zoo!

stumpy
who just spent 90 min picking up the pieces of my life dealing with the actions of an inappropriate t...who somehow thought that her sexual abuse would be okay because i was the crazy one..so yeah report his sorry butt

Stumpy, are my posts triggering you? What is going on, I am confused by your post, is this in the past, or now?

[quote=mixedup_emotions;1300346]I totally know what you're going through as far as your mixed feelings about reporting T.....I have those same feelings about my ex-husband. He needs to suffer the consequences of his actions, but yet there's times when I feel weak....focusing on the good parts and minimizing the bad....and ultimately feeling stuck.
Mixed, ( I guess you do get is since it is part of your name)

Doesn't it make you feel crazy? My T says this is normal and that mixed feelings are better than black and white thinking. Doesn't seem like it to me, I so wish I could put him the that black hole but I can't. As much of a jerk he has been, it is hard to forget the good.

Luckily for me, my ex continues to do things and say things that knock me back into reality....But it is oh so hard during the weak moments.



I can see how hard it would be. My T says sometimes this relationship I had with him seems like a marriage. The come here-go away thing and all that.

And I'm so sorry about your guinea pig. It is so hard to deal with death with kids. We had a cat that died when my daughter was younger, and it was incredibly heartbreaking to tell her and deal with her horrible feelings of grief and sadness. I didn't want my daughter to hurt, and there was nothing I could do to make the hurt go away.

I think I am learning the right way now too. Growing up , my family was really weird about death. For my kids, they have had grandparents and other relatives die, but for their pets, it seems more personal for them.
You are right it is SO hard to watch them in pain and not do anything to make it go away.
I learned, though, how important that lesson was - because she was able to understand death at a young enough age so that when her pop-pop (my dad) died when she was 5, that wasn't her first experience with death. He dropped dead right in front of her....and I still don't think she's processed it.

That does sound scary, is she still kinda scared about that happening to you or other people. But you sound like a good mom, who probably is helping her with it. Thanks so much for your support!

stumpy good..its confusing..but dealing with issues from the past that surfaced over the summer and have worked their way thru the winter..some of which dealt with abuse from an old t...who shall we say was less than ethical.

new t is very ethical. new t is good with boundaries. new t listens well and is helping a lot. (okay new t is one i've been seeing for like 4 years..so she's not all that new) therapy was hard today but i think we're making progress.

my weirdness isn't bothered at all by gym stalker...geez i wish my t had been a gym stalker..that i could have dealt with...(oh did i mistakenly drop that 250 pound weight on your foot! my bad!)

nope..things are getting better in stumpy-land

stumpy

[winterbaby]

Hi Exoticflower, as far as former T, I understand the mixed feelings. I'd probably feel the same way as you do. Is it possible he goes to your gym (it's a student gym right? I think I've read that) because it is cheaper and that it really is not to stalk you? Have the gyms he's been going to where you have attended just cost effective for him maybe? I don't know but could be maybe just that. As far as other behavior, I guess he probably felt pretty familiar with you joking around and such. That is no excuse and I think you should still report him if that's how you feel you can get closure but perhaps he is just stupid, unintentionally stupid, with his words, not trying purposely to hurt you.