[PahaSapa]

hi. i been in therapy about six years now and i've got to a place thats real hard for me. i've told her about all the abuse that happened and all very private things. but she says that the thing i gotta work on now is dealing with the feelings i got about my mother. she never really loved me and thats where a lot of the problems are coming from that i got now. i dont know why thats so hard for me to say and so hard to talk about when i have talked to my therapist about things that are much worse. now when i got therapy appointments i hate going because i know thats what i need to talk about now but i can't. we BS small talk for a bit but she always bring it back to that and i can tell she getting frustrated. now we are cut my appointments back to every other week. i'm not sure what to do.

[Mike_J]

My P-Doc told me on my last visit to him that neglect is often harder to get over/deal with than phyiscal abuse.

I have been seeing my therapist for over 5 years, and have told her so much. For me what seems like the bigger things are often easier to talk about than some of the things I veiw as not as improtant. Just becase you think that one issue is "worse" than another doesn't mean that deep down it is that way.

There are no rules for what is easy for an individual to deal with and what is hard.

If you have been seeing her for 6 years, my advice is to trust her, even if it is hard.

[Melbadaze]

why can you tell shes getting frustrated? Perhaps your projecting your frustration at finding it hard to mourne the loss of a mothers love on to her? Yes I can talk about abuse etc, but getting to the core of rejection and our Pyschic death is much harder. It will come in its own time.

((((((((((((sincity)))))))))))))

That is EXACTLY where I am at in my therapy. We've talked about the CSA and all of the shameful secrets around that - really hard stuff - but I have spent years avoiding talking about how my mom treated me. I finally started talking about it a little bit this week, and it's just so painful.

Sometimes when I have something really hard to talk about, T will ask me if I can just talk about the easiest piece of the hard stuff...even if it's just a really tiny piece. And then I can talk about the next "easiest" piece, etc, and move as slowly as I need to.

Sometimes when things are too hard, I will write them down and give them to him.

It's so scary, but for me, if I can just find a place to START, and I can see that T is still T, and he still accepts me, and he gets why it's so hard for me, I can sometimes find a way to keep talking.

It's hard, isn't it??

[PahaSapa]

thank you for writing back. i can tell she is getting frustrated with me just how she says it. and how she lean forward when she says it. i try to talk about something else or avoid it and she lean forward and say you know your gonna have to talk about this right? she is nice about it though, not mean or anything like that. she says to start with something easy about the subject to but i don't know what is the easy part. i don't know where to start. i can't just say my mom didn't love me or didn't want me. it is even hard to type it. i just sat here for five minutes trying to. haha. i guess maybe i am afraid to find out why and thats why i don't want to talk about it. do you think there are maybe some things that you don't have to talk about in therapy? like you'll still be ok if you never talk about them?

[jexa]

Originally Posted by sincity74

do you think there are maybe some things that you don't have to talk about in therapy? like you'll still be ok if you never talk about them?

sincity, I think there are some things you don't have to talk about in therapy, but I don't think this is one of them for you. The hardest topics are the most important ones for healing IMO. And after six years in therapy to stall out now, on this topic, because it is hard to talk about and painful, would be a shame. But I think you don't really intend to stall out.. I think you need time, and a little preparation, and a nudge in the direction of talking about these things.

You know how you wrote just a little bit here, that your mom didn't want you, and how you said that was hard to write? Can you keep trying to write things like that down, even though it's hard? I prepare to talk about hard stuff with my T by writing about it in my journal. I find it easier to write my thoughts out than talk about them, so writing helps me prepare for sessions.

Is there some other way you could break the hard stuff into digestible pieces? Talking about just a LITTLE bit, delving just a LITTLE into this painful stuff?

Another way that I ease into difficult topics with my T is I say, "So, I know what we need to talk about but it's really hard to bring up these topics." This is my way of bringing up the topic. And she helps me, at this point, warm up to talking about "it," whatever it is.

Hope this helps..

[PahaSapa]

thank you for writing back. i think i will try to write about it on here first.

[sittingatwatersedge]

[quote=sincity74;1310021 ....... she never really loved me ........ i dont know why thats so hard for me to say and so hard to talk about when i have talked to my therapist about things that are much worse. ......[quote]

but... there isn't anything worse that that, you know. That's why it hurts so much.

hang in there, you have been brave for 6 yrs preparing to work on exactly this. You can take it in baby steps, and when you're ready to take them. Come post any time, there's usualy someone here

[kitten16]

Just a quick thought that I think it's good that your therapist is leaning toward you. She wants to reach and engage you. She knows this is hard for you.

Good advice from others so far...Keep working at it!

Originally Posted by sincity74

thank you for writing back. i can tell she is getting frustrated with me just how she says it. and how she lean forward when she says it. i try to talk about something else or avoid it and she lean forward and say you know your gonna have to talk about this right? she is nice about it though, not mean or anything like that. she says to start with something easy about the subject to but i don't know what is the easy part. i don't know where to start. i can't just say my mom didn't love me or didn't want me. it is even hard to type it. i just sat here for five minutes trying to. haha. i guess maybe i am afraid to find out why and thats why i don't want to talk about it. do you think there are maybe some things that you don't have to talk about in therapy? like you'll still be ok if you never talk about them?