Safe Place...

I recently wrote a long email to my therapist disclosing some details that I have yet been able to tell her in person. I always freeze up in session when she asks me certain questions, and then I can't answer some of them. It's not that I don't trust her, it's just that it's information that I have never shared with anyone so it's really hard to talk about it.

She thanked me for my email and then asked me if I had imagined a safe place yet. Which is why I am posting here. It's so hard for me to come up with a safe place because life wasn't safe at all growing up.

How do you come up with a safe place? I don't even know what to imagine. I mean it's safe in my T's office but even then I still feel vulnerable at times.

I feel safe wrapped in a blanket sitting on the couch in T's office.

Warmth makes me feel safe. So, wrapping up in a blanket, or imagining myself by a campfire, or sitting by a fireplace makes me feel kind of safe.

I didn't have anywhere safe growing up. But here, in my adult house, I do feel safe. At least the adult part of me does. For the younger parts inside, I tell them, "I've got you" (I learned that from Kiya) and it helps.

It's hard to feel safe, isn't it??

Hangingon... very good question! For us, we think it may be just that it will take some time to learn we can trust T. As we are going to more sessions closer together while doing this intense trauma healing work, it feels like it is becoming easier for me to trust him. Wonder if your T would let you do a couple of weeks where you see T 3 times each week? That way you can establish a safer connection and then maybe when you go back to the normal schedule, you will feel closer? Just an idea.

My safe place is part real and part fantasy There is an old house in the country a few hours drive from where I live, that I would love to own. It is abandoned and falling down. But it sits like a little jewel in the middle of a meadow,with a big tree beside it to shade it. There is a lake nearby and the house is far enough off the the road so you can't hear cars.
That is the setting. And I have imagined the house as I would renovate it if I could ever buy it. A big open space with a big open hearth fireplace downstairs, and a nice loft upstairs to sleep in.
When my previous T used to get me working with my inner kids, I would imagine us all in this place. Sometimes hanging out on the floor by the fireplace. Sometimes out on the big porch watching ducks on the lake. When I need to get back into the here and now I put everyone to sleep in their own beds upstairs.

Well, that is my place. Not like any place I knew as a kid. I guess my own safe place has really always been in my own imagination...

I am sure given time that you will come up with something that fits for you.

My safe place is a place I went as a kid. I love hiking and so my safe place is a hiking destination. It is calm and there were never a lot of people around (my dad and I hiked there together.) I imagine myself there by myself enjoying the outdoors. That is my place.

My safe places changes, I guess depending on my disposition at the time. I occasionally have a dream church that I visit...while dreaming. Hence why I call it my dream church. :-/ This is a place where I tend to meet various characters. Since these dreams are usually nice ones, for a while it was my safe place. Before that my safe place was just a plain while room. It was also my livingroom couch for a while. Just this weekend, I took some time to do some drawing and I drew a really strong angel holding my inner child. He was a real hottie too. :-) IDK..I guess that was my visual clue that my safe place is now the arms of a Roman/Greek looking angel.

I never really thought of this before- is it kind of weird if your safe place..keeps moving?

I was so frustrated with finding a safe place, because no place ever felt really safe. So mine is completely imagined, and has walls all around it. No way in but through my mind, so it's very safe!

Try different things out in your visualizing and something will feel right.

hangingon,

I’m glad that you posted this here. This is something I’m working on now. It’s a place created in our mind based on a novel. In order to solidify the new place, we had a session where our therapist did guided imagery. Many are still struggling with it; they are just in there wandering around now. I think the biggest struggle is figuring out who else will be there with everyone. It’s all very confusing, but worth the effort, I assume.

I’d be interested in hearing from others who is in their safe place along with the parts.

Good luck to you.

writing

I used Peter McWilliams' book, Life 101 and the section on "The Sanctuary":

http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/books/life1/lf1_2e.htm

I have a literal brass house key from the 1890's on my keychain that is the key to my safe, wonderful place.

Hangingon,

It took me a long time to find a safe place. One thing sort of worked, was a painting in my T's office. I knew it was safe because it was in my T's office and my mom couldn't find me there in a "fake place painting"

But now with my current T, I found a moment through my creative writing that felt safe to me as a child (a forgotten moment) I thought I never felt safe, but in fact I did with my dad at one point. It was when we were fishing, just us. So now my T uses this, in fact today even.

If you do any trauma work, please make sure you have a safe place and test in out many times before you get into something too intense.

Wow all, thank you, so many good thoughts and ideas.
Thank you for sharing some of your safe places and how you came up with those places. I definitely have to give this some more thought. I see my T on thursday so I imagine we will talk about this a little more.

Tree, my T said she has a blanket in a drawer in her office that I could use if I ever wanted to, only I have never got the courage to ask her for it. I imagine it would feel nice. I keep my jacket folded on my lap during session and sometimes pull it up over me when I am feeling vulnerable, or if I feel shaky.

Wepow, wish I could go more but my T only works two nights a week at her private practice because she works full time during the day at a university doing counseling so I don't think her schedule would permit for more sessions but that was a great suggestion, thank you.

Thanks Ripley, sounds like a cool place. I am very much into the old vintage fixer uppers to. :-) Maybe one day that safe home can become a reality!

Thanks for sharing googley, sounds adventuresome and relaxing at the same time.

Chaotic good thought, not sure that it would be weird but might be one of those things to explore with your T. The Roman/Greek looking angel sounds charming :-) Great idea !!

Thank you skeksi, I will try using my imagination a little more to try to come up with a place.

Thanks writing, I am sure it can be difficult to find something everyone likes and feels safe with. I can understand the struggle with that process.
Hope it works out well for you!

Perna, pretty cool idea, thanks and thanks for the link.

You all gave me lots of think about, now I just have to get my mind turning to come up with a place of my own! Thanks again, definitely not easy.

Thanks exoticflower, I will work on that. Fishing with your dad sounds very relaxing, I imagine you had a nicer relationship with him for him to be involved in your safe place.

I struggled for a long time with finding a "safe place". What finally clicked for me isn't a place at all but I just imagine myself invisible. It relaxes me almost instantly to imagine this. It doesn't matter what the setting is that I'm imagining, it can be where I am at the time or whatever, but if I'm invisible, it feels safe.

I sometimes think I spend a lot of my time trying to become invisible, actually.

I keep coming back to this thread...I just can't think of a safe place at all, only two people who make me feel safe...an ex-boyfriend I am still friends with, and my current T. It's kind of odd to me that it's this way, because I spend a lot of time alone, which I really like and I rarely get lonely, so it seems like I wouldn't need someone around to feel safe!