[googley]

I'm feeling really alone. I called my T last night (Sunday) hoping she would get back to me on Monday. She called me back but while I was driving to school so I didn't get the call. She left a message and said that she was really busy today and didn't think she would be able to get back to me again because she had a busy schedule. It left me feeling really suckey for calling in the first place.

She really doesn't seem to be any good at this phone thing. She says to call, but then never seems to have the time to get back to me. I totally understand that she has a busy life and that her personal life comes first. It just seems like there is a total disconnect between when she tells me in session that I should call her if I need to and then what happens when I try to get a hold of her. It leaves me feeling like I am doing something wrong.

If she is always going to be busy and not available by phone then that is fine. It just means that I have to plan my support network differently. What is challenging is that she says to call, and then when I do she is "too busy" (her words). I wish it could just be clearer one way or the other and not this wishy-washy dishwater like clarity. I feel like I just need an answer as to if she is someone I can depend on outside of session or not. Either one is fine. I just need an answer. I'm a little upset about this, I think kind of because I'm not sure if she is going to try and contact me again or not. But mostly I just feel disappointed that she was someone I thought I could depend on who when push comes to shove, isn't really there for me. And if she isn't that is fine. I just need to know. It is so hard for me to reach out and admit that I need help, it gets even harder when I keep getting this muddied answer. And I don't want to make her feel bad for having a life outside of my T hour. That is accepted and reasonable. I just want to know if I can get any response during the rest of the week. I think I might just decide that she isn't going to be there and live like that. Then I wont keep getting hurt. Better for everyone that way.

[zooropa]

oh googley (((((hugs)))))
I can relate to this SO much. SO SO SO much. It has taken me a year of working on this exact issue with my T to get to where we are now, and it caused me a lot of tears and pain along the way. She would tell me to call her, but then not call me back, or call me but only have 5 minutes to talk, things like that. She would tell me she'd call at a certain time, and then not do it, and when I asked her why she would say she forgot. That still happens sometimes, actually.
But anyway, what I want to say is, keep working on it with your T. Keep talking to her about this exact thing, week after week if you have to. I have talked about it with my T SO many times. We came to the conclusion once that things were just ****ed up with us as far as the phone thing goes, and that we had to try harder. SHE had to try harder. And she really has, and it's gotten better, and now I know I can call her and she will probably be there, but even now sometimes she's not and it still hurts.
So yeah, I know how you feel, and how alone that feeling is, and I'm sorry.

[mixedup_emotions]

((((googley))))

That does suck. Big time. I can understand perfectly how you feel. It's definitely worthwhile to bring up your feelings about this with T...but also to try to build up your support network outside of T. That way, when T is not in reach, you have a back-up plan...like PC!

Seriously, though, it doesn't take away all the hurt you likely feel about your T not having time for you - ESPECIALLY after your T said to call you when you needed to. UGH.

I hope you do address it with T....

[BlueMoon6]

(((Googley)) I wouldnt compare your T to desk-t but she used to "change the rules" all the time and left me confused. And that was a scary familiar feeling I grew up so it left me even more confused and feeling like I did something wrong. Once when she was going on vacation she told me, "there's always the phone" and I took it to mean I could call her (she was never clear). I did and when she got back from vacation she said to me, "you called me on my vacation, what's THAT about?" I was stunned silent.

I would say ask T, it IS really confusing and I can totally understand why you would feel confused and like you did something wrong. That is a major trigger for me, that "I did something wrong" and I was thinking I was going to be doing something right

Im sorry ((((Googley))))

[Sannah]

This can be a big trigger. It can bring up all of those feelings from the past when you were in situations that you had to live with your whole childhood. Maybe look at these past situations in therapy too while you talk to your T about this issue? Looking at these past situations is the best way to disarm this trigger.

In all fairness, she did call you back, but you weren't there. True? I know it feels back when we don't get to talk to them though. Hang in there.

[peaches100]

Googley,

I'd feel disappointed too. It sounds like she wants to be a support for you, but then the reality of her busy schedule prevents her from being as available as she needs to be. It's not wrong of you to call her, or ask her to call you back. But like you said, you need to know if she will, or will not, be able to be there for you when you need her. Otherwise, you'll end up feeling discouraged like this.

Could the two of you plan together a way that you can let her know if a return call is urgent? When she calls back, could she give you a specific time when she will try again, so that you are ready to take her call and not driving?

I think it's important to talk to her about this. Saying "call me if you need me," is nice, but you need to know that she'll be able to follow through.

((((((((((((Googley))))))))))))))

I have had some major phone difficulties with my T too, and it took a long time to figure out exactly what I can ask for/what I can expect in response. It's hard.

Can you tell her exactly what you said in your post here? Even though it feels awful sometimes, the only way to really figure this stuff out is talking, taking, talking, talking.

We're here, googley. You're not alone