[lonewanderer]

After several years of Ts and Psychs of both verities I still don't know what I'd be diagnosed with. Every T has thought differently, or just kept changing meds. I come to the point to where I question my very thought processes. I almost can't trust myself to self-analyse myself. I don't even know if I am telling the truth any more. I feel so disconnected with my emotions that sometimes i don't believe I have any until I snap into some self-destructive thought pattern that justs makes me wish I really didn't have feelings. So now I to the point to where I am taking no meds and seeing no T and i don't think I' d care to again anyway. It never seemed to help in the first place.

I mark the trig as I don't wan to convince someone else to not seek help.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by lonewanderer

I almost can't trust myself to self-analyse myself.

I found that the "still, small voice" within was easiest to hear in the early morning hours while still in bed and I did not have anyone around to contradict what it was telling me. And sometimes the voices of those who did try to contradict me, the ones that I had internalized, were quieter then too. Over time I have come to rely on that inner voice more and more, and can hear it now when the sun is out too! You cannot spend your time paying attention to all the others who try to tell you what is true and what is not. A few of those outsiders will actually try to listen to you, but not many.

[mixedup_emotions]

I can relate to some of what you're saying.

I have been known to be so disconnected from my feelings....not being able to pinpoint things....not understanding myself....doing destructive things to escape "SOMETHING", but not knowing what....

It's extremely frustrating not to be able to understand myself. *sigh*

But I am also hoping that by continuing to see T, I will be able to - albeit slowly - start to get to the root of things, begin to feel more, to understand those feelings, etc.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I hope you find some peace with whatever route you decide to take. (( HUGS ))

[jexa]

(((((lonewanderer))))) *sigh* This is a sucky place to be in. Here's the thing about diagnosis: it's not real. It's just words. T's and pdocs are supposed to be experts but the truth is even they can't pinpoint a dx for a lot of people. Because people are people, and their issues are complex and no diagnosis is going to sum you up. Many very skilled therapists refuse to give a dx because it might not even be helpful. What helps is identifying what's keeping you from living the life you want to live. So going to a T with that, instead of seeking a diagnosis and a cure, is usually more helpful.

Like it sounds like some of what you'd go to a T with is:

1. Want to feel my emotions and not feel so empty
2. Want to stop acting self-destructively
3. Want to understand myself and learn to trust my own mind

Or maybe just knowing the problem for yourself, and saying to yourself, I want these things, will help you come up with solutions?

Originally Posted by lonewanderer

After several years of Ts and Psychs of both verities I still don't know what I'd be diagnosed with. Every T has thought differently, or just kept changing meds. I come to the point to where I question my very thought processes. I almost can't trust myself to self-analyse myself. I don't even know if I am telling the truth any more. I feel so disconnected with my emotions that sometimes i don't believe I have any until I snap into some self-destructive thought pattern that justs makes me wish I really didn't have feelings. So now I to the point to where I am taking no meds and seeing no T and i don't think I' d care to again anyway. It never seemed to help in the first place.

I mark the trig as I don't wan to convince someone else to not seek help.

Are you a reader? I am and so I checked out a book called the DSM IV.. case book and it was very insightful for me... lots of info though and not all of it good...I got my own diagnoses down to three choices and it turned out I was actually right on with one of them (the PTSD) but again... some t's don't believe in giving diagnoses and maybe sometimes that is what is best. Personally for me, I needed/had to know...it helped me to understand myself better...hope this helps

[lonewanderer]

Hugs always make me smile. Thanks.

[lonewanderer]

At this point What I have really is important. It is a more of a (no one knows how to help).Why am I alone, kinda a deal... It's rather depressing.