[kate81]

i was debating whether to dump her anyway, as she has been kind of obnoxious lately, but still, the way she handled it was a bit upsetting. Anyone else had this happen? And she didn't even bother to discuss it in an appointment, just a phone call along the lines of "It is my clinical decision to terminate this therapy... I'll send you a bill. Goodbye."

[Melbadaze]

Not enought info to make a statement on your post.

[imapatient]

Wow. That's quite bad.

In formal terms, the appropriateness of what she did will vary by what sort of T she is, what sort of government body she is regulated by (law--state boards), and what professional association she belongs to hence can certify and discipline her.

I had a bad termination (done in session though).

In my state, a psychologist regulated by the Board of Psychology must give oral notice, written notice, and referrals--the names of other T's as potential replacements when terminating. An APA member psychologist has certain criteria to meet, but I think my state Board rules encompass them. Those are formal, bare minimums. It's expected in the field, though not required by my state or APA, that a T provide "pre-termination counseling" (a subjective topic) with an explanation and processing of the T relationship.

If this was a licensed psychologist in my state she would've failed to meet the requirements. But is she a social worker, or a something, the rules of which I don't know. Whatever rules might have been violated, it's a pretty horrible way to do it.

It should really be exceptional circumstances involved for a T to carry it out like that, formal rules allowing.

But to comment beyond a simple way, we need more info to go on about the nature of your relationship.

Sorry to hear.

(((((((((kate)))))))) - wow, I'm REALLY sorry to hear that. Ack.

I think she is required by law to at least give you some referrals.

I wish I had some words of wisdom to make it better!!

[WePow]

Always remember that YOU are worth fighting for. Stay true to who you are and look for a new T. I hope this will be a blessing in disguise for you!!

[BlueMoon6]

((((Kate)))) Im sorry this happened to you. Sounds like no matter what the relationship was, it wasnt a good fit for you. Words like that would be hurtful and trigger me big time. I hope you find a better T soon.
Hugs to you-

[kate81]

Thanks for all your support, everyone!!! Sorry that was so brief, I didn't really have time to write more last night.

Basically, what caused this whole situation to blow up is that last week I got confused about the date of my appointment, and i realized my mistake 15 minutes before the appointment. (Keep in mind I have been seeing this T for a year and have never missed an appointment before, so this is not like it is a continuing pattern.) Anyway, I called immediately and left a message saying what had happened and that I was very sorry, but it would take me a while to get there and I would be very late, and if there was any chance she might possibly be willing to reschedule, I'd appreciate it; if not, I'd do my best to get there as soon as ever I could. (I had a 35 minute drive to the appointment.) As soon as I called, I left immediately for the appointment (skipping lunch to do so, resulting in a whopping migraine that lasted for the rest of the day). She called back while I was driving, and said that there was no chance of rescheduling without a $50 fee, so I'd better come for what time there was. So anyway, I'm scrambling to get there, and I hit an absolutely horrendous traffic jam, and I'm realizing that I will be getting to the appointment just as it's ending. I call her to tell her my situation and she's just like, well tough, I'm leaving exactly at the end of your 45 minutes, and I'm charging you a $50 fee if you're not there by then.

So I can understand that she was miffed by the fact that I mistook the date, but here's what gets me. Besides the fact that I spent a full hour trying to get to this appointment, and missed lunch and got a migraine trying to do so, there's the fact that not two weeks prior to this SHE had stood ME up completely. On that occasion, I was sitting there in her office for like 25 minutes wondering where she was, having driven all the way there just for the appointment on a day when I was in the midst of something of a crisis: my computer had just died with all my class notes for an exam in 2 days time, an exam based entirely on class notes and worth 50% of my semester grade. By going to that appointment, I seriously jeopardized my chances of finding someone to get my class notes off of my hard drive, as I very nearly missed the only time the computer shop was open that day. And with all that, I show up and she isn't even there.

So after she stands me up like that, she's charging me $50 for missing an appointment, when I really tried my hardest to get there, and she knows I have $10,000 in medical bills that I'm struggling to pay off and I'm a full time student with no job (I spend my "free time" working for no pay in a lab) and I really can't afford that $50. I asked her if she would be willing to do a reduced rate for that fee based on my financial circumstances, and she said no.

I told her that given the situation, I didn't really think that was fair or right, and I hoped that she would reconsider; and if not, I wasn't sure I could continue seeing her, as this whole thing really made me feel like she didn't care about my well being at all, but only about her paycheck.

Well, I guess her response shows that I was right in thinking that all she cared about was her paycheck. I was hoping I was wrong about that; I had had some previous indicators of that fact, but I had really been hoping that I was mistaken.

WePow, I think you're right - given what the situation has taught me about her, it probably is a blessing in disguise. It's still a little upsetting, though, when you trust someone enough to open up to them and then find they really don't give a hoot about you. Even though they are getting paid, I don't think that people should become therapists if they really won't care about their clients at all.

[kate81]

As for referrals, she just said, "I will refer you back to your insurance company for any referrals." Regarding licensure, she's an MSW - I don't know how that works with requirements.

Wow, that is really harsh of her and unethical, in my opinion. I'd never encourage someone to race to my office or get charged $50....what if you had gotten in an accident?

I'm sorry you endured this, but I have to agree that you are much better off without this T.

[WePow]

(((((((((((((((( kate )))))))))))))) I know this stinks big time right now. And I am so sorry that you experienced this type of treatment from someone who was supposed to be helping you out. Remember that some therapists are people with unresolved personal issues. Sadly, the clients of those Ts suffer for it. But the great news is that other Ts are very sincere and dedicated to the welfare of the client. I have been blessed to have such a T in my life.

Keep yourself safe and reach out for the new T. I predict this will be the best thing for you in the long run. Again - I am very deeply sorry that you had this happen.

The $50 fee is not unusual. They have the right to set whatever cancellation fees they choose. It is their business. However, it shouldn't have been terms for a termination; it certainly should have been handled differently. I suspect that if you told her you would terminate over a $50 fee, this was something you had been considering on some level prior to this anyway. I hope you are able to find another therapist to work with soon. This may be for the best in the long run.

Originally Posted by farmergirl

The $50 fee is not unusual. They have the right to set whatever cancellation fees they choose. It is their business. However, it shouldn't have been terms for a termination; it certainly should have been handled differently. I suspect that if you told her you would terminate over a $50 fee, this was something you had been considering on some level prior to this anyway. I hope you are able to find another therapist to work with soon. This may be for the best in the long run.

I agree that a $50 cancellation fee is not unusual....what is unusual is holding it over your client's head when you know that the client is already rushing to make the 45-minute cutoff....don't you think?

[Amazonmom]

I think it looks very bad when one stands up a client, then holds the cancellation fee over the client's head in that manner two weeks later. Having a fee is fine, handling it like that isn't.

Makes me wonder if something is going on with the T.

Try to remember the good things that happened in the last year with the T. Then go out and try to find a new T so you can build from there.

Originally Posted by griffinp

I agree that a $50 cancellation fee is not unusual....what is unusual is holding it over your client's head when you know that the client is already rushing to make the 45-minute cutoff....don't you think?

Yes. That's why I said it should have been handled differently.

[kate81]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Yes. That's why I said it should have been handled differently.

Yeah, it wasn't really the fee itself I had a problem with - it was the fact that I was rushing to get to the appointment, and the fact that she certainly didn't pay me a $50 fee when she stood me up two weeks earlier.... and who's to say her time is worth more than mine?

[kate81]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

The $50 fee is not unusual. They have the right to set whatever cancellation fees they choose. It is their business. However, it shouldn't have been terms for a termination; it certainly should have been handled differently. I suspect that if you told her you would terminate over a $50 fee, this was something you had been considering on some level prior to this anyway. I hope you are able to find another therapist to work with soon. This may be for the best in the long run.

And yes, I had been wondering a bit prior to this whether I should terminate, for a variety of smaller reasons relating to her lovely interpersonal qualities. That fee was just the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak.

[Snakebit]

Originally Posted by kate81

And yes, I had been wondering a bit prior to this whether I should terminate, for a variety of smaller reasons relating to her lovely interpersonal qualities. That fee was just the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak.

With her charging you right after standing you up coupled with her comment about how she is "referring you back to your insurance company", she did you a big favor by "dumping" you now! There are good Ts and she is not one of them.

When you find a good T, you'll want to send her a thank-you note.

[jexa]

That really sucks. I agree with those that say it's good this happened now. This was unprofessional and uncaring of her.

I know you probably feel you wasted your time with her. It's true you will probably progress better with a different T than this one who was not working out for you and probably had personal issues. But this time spent reflecting with her will prepare you for your next T. Having talked all of this through in T, even with a not-so-good T, has helped you to organize your thoughts and pay attention to your own behaviors and feelings. Just remember this.. don't feel too bad for wasting your time. But next time, know to follow your gut.

[sunrise]

Kate, I agree with others that it's not unusual to charge a fee for no-shows. The therapists I (or my family members) have worked with charge the full cost of the session if you cancel within 24 hours of the appointment. However, they do not do it in very pissy way, which is the sense I got from your description of your therapist. (My daughter's therapist charged us full fee when my daughter had to cancel with less than 24 hours notice; she was polite about it, but firm.) Especially after recently standing you up, it seems like your therapist could have been more generous and understanding, perhaps saying something like, "well, I missed your appointment a couple of weeks ago, so let's just call it even."

"It is my clinical decision to terminate this therapy... I'll send you a bill. Goodbye."

It doesn't sound like it was clinical at all. It sounds like she was pissed off because you missed your appointment and questioned that. Maybe she has a problem with people who challenge her authority. Whatever. Good riddance. If it were me, and the bill was just for the $50 cancellation fee, I wouldn't pay it. Or I would mail it back together with a $50 invoice for the appointment when she stood you up along with a short message: please accept this invoice in lieu of your charge.

[TayQuincy]

Something doesn't seem right about this. I mean, this T is someone you saw for a year and during that year you never missed an appt before, and you made one mistake and she says she is going to leave when your 45 mins are up and that if you don't get there by then you will be charged $50? And then she terminates? this doesn't make sense. Are you sure you are accurately describing the events that lead up to this? If it really went down the way you said, then she is the meanest therapist on the face of this earth! Seriously, you are lucky to be rid of such an uncaring witch! It just doesn't make sense! What else happened? Something else had to have happened. Were there other behaviors that happened prior to this missed appointment that made it the last straw for her? It sounds like she was either angry/frustrated with you or she is burned out. Whatever happened, she handled it poorly and unprofessionally! Sorry that you had this happen. It's frightening to think that this sort of thing happens!

[Fartraveler]

I agree with the others-- she sounds uncaring and unprofessional, and you're well rid of her.

Also, I had a similar situation once, where I was caught in traffic and was going to be very late. And my T handled it completely differently. I called her on my cell to let her know and I was all upset and she told me not to worry about it. She suggested that if I wanted, I could just pull over somewhere, and we could talk over the phone, and do the appointment that way.

So, y'know -- your T could have done something like that, too.

I hope that your next T is much better than that last one.

-Far

omg. i just read this. get rid of the T and dont feel bad. she is horrible.
one year you have been working with her and she treats you like that?
are you kidding me?

its not like you were out partying and forgot or completely never called. omg.

she is mean and uncaring. forget her.

especially since she forgot a session with you.

send her the $50 and write her a letter stating her unprofessionalism and things that she did wrong. a closure letter. then move on.

horrible.

[kate81]

Originally Posted by sunrise

It doesn't sound like it was clinical at all. It sounds like she was pissed off because you missed your appointment and questioned that. Maybe she has a problem with people who challenge her authority. Whatever. Good riddance. If it were me, and the bill was just for the $50 cancellation fee, I wouldn't pay it. Or I would mail it back together with a $50 invoice for the appointment when she stood you up along with a short message: please accept this invoice in lieu of your charge.

Yes, that was exactly what I was going to do - send her a $50 bill for my missed appointment, and tell her that I will graciously accept my nonpayment of her $50 as payment for my bill.

[kate81]

Originally Posted by Fartraveler

I agree with the others-- she sounds uncaring and unprofessional, and you're well rid of her.

Also, I had a similar situation once, where I was caught in traffic and was going to be very late. And my T handled it completely differently. I called her on my cell to let her know and I was all upset and she told me not to worry about it. She suggested that if I wanted, I could just pull over somewhere, and we could talk over the phone, and do the appointment that way.

So, y'know -- your T could have done something like that, too.

I hope that your next T is much better than that last one.

-Far

Yeah, that approach sounds so much more sensible - I don't know, this woman just seems to be all about the money. I first got that impression way back when, when I once had to reschedule with 23 hours notice, and she said if it ever happened again it would be a fee. I understand the fee for late cancellations, but saying to someone who canceled 23 hours in advance (when they've never canceled before) that she wanted to charge a fee because they didn't call 1 hour earlier seems a bit much. And then there was one other time when I had to call to reschedule, this time with about 3-4 days notice, and she didn't check her messages until less than 24 hours before the appointment and then tried to charge me the 24 hour fee. (Oh, and on that occasion she didn't return my call asking to reschedule for about 3 weeks afterward - I was seriously considering terminating because of that. Then after 3 weeks she called me and said, "oh, I was just wondering where you have been" - I said, "well, you never returned my phone call about rescheduling, so I was wondering if you were no longer interested in having me as a client." She responded by saying that she sometimes waits for clients to call her twice about rescheduling, just to see if they're really serious about their commitment to therapy. I kind of thought that that seemed like a load of power games, and I wasn't too thrilled about it.)

Anyway, that all happened a long time ago (these three events were spread out over the course of a year), but it kind of gave me a general idea of her attitude on this front. That combined with the fact that the second the 45 minutes are up she just cuts you off mid-sentence, not even letting you finish your thought - I just found that a little irritating. Can't you at least give patients a couple minutes warning of the end of the session so that they have time to wrap up their thoughts, instead of waiting until time's up and cutting them off mid sentence?

I mean, I know therapy is a business, but do you have to make it so obvious? Even her initial intake paperwork included a whole laundry list of fees for this and that, including fees for court appointments, phone sessions, etc - of course these are the facts of life, but it seemed to me like she didn't need to list all that out for patients who were never planning to use her for court appointments or phone sessions. Is it really normal to present new patients with a 2 page long list of fees for various things???? The fact that the emphasis was so much on the money right from the outset seemed really distasteful.

[jexa]

ahhh kate81.. that sucks.. I had a T who was all about the business too.. I never connected with her, felt totally judged by her, and think she wasn't even really "there" for the majority of my sessions. She was 45 minutes late to one of my sessions and made me late to class, never apologized. What a bunch of crap. A good T is not in it for the money.. I mean they have bills to pay and so they have to set firm guidelines but that's not the point. I want to be a T myself and there is no way I would behave this way. Most T's are not like this. You can easily find someone who became a T because he/she genuinely loves people.