I am really missing T today. I usually see him on Tuesday and then again on Thursday, so this would be my normal therapy day if I was doing 2 sessions this week. I think that the reduced sessions coming on the heels of his vacation just feels like a HUGE change in how much I'm seeing T. Even huger than it really is, probably.

I *know* I am ready for this. It was good to not have to take the time out of my day to go to therapy, and it was good to not have to spend the money. I have other people I can call to connect, and I did call someone, and texted someone else. I really do believe this is happening how it's supposed to.

AND at the same time, this feels gigantic and hard and sad. For 2 1/2 years I've had the same routine of seeing T 2x/week. It's like my subconscious is all trained to be ready for therapy every 3 or 4 days now, and I need to retrain it to wait a week. Right now this feels so strange, and I just really really miss him.

I did call a while ago to see if we can connect for a minute by phone. I'm sure he will me call me on the way home if he can, and if he can't, it's really not a huge deal. I don't feel spiraly about it. But it would be nice to connect for a minute.

[googley]

(((((((((Tree))))))

I know this change can be shocking. But you can get through this.

It sounds like you have such a healthy perspective on this...yes, it is a good thing. And yes, it is so sad and hard!

My T schedule varies so much....I just go as needed. A few weeks ago I saw T 3x and the following week it was only once and I missed her terribly. It's weird but it seems like the more I see her, the more I want to see her. But when I get into the routine of going just once a week for several weeks in a row, I do better in between sessions....

You will get used to the new schedule. But it will be sad and lonely at times.

[jexa]

(((((((((((((((((((tree))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You seem so very together about this and I am SO PROUD of you for making these steps when you knew you were ready to make them! And for waiting until you were ready! You are doing great. T will help you. And you will retrain your brain to expect T once a week -- it will happen sooner than you think -- everything's going to be okay!

T called and now I think I feel sadder. I guess because I *know* it's safe to feel whatever I'm feeling with him, and after all of the hard work to feel safe feeling my feelings, I can't turn it off. So, he called, and I said "I know I'm being a big baby, but I'm having a hard time. That's all" And he laughed and that made me laugh and it was okay for a minute but then I just really FELT the sadness and it made me cry

Crying is probably what I need to do. I probably just need to go ahead and feel sad, you know? It just hurts so much to be sad.

Oh well, I'll see him Thursday. I know will get easier. But right now it kind of sucks.

[Mike_J]

It took me a long while to adjust from seeing my therapist from once a week to every other week.

Well why lie, I still haven't fully adjusted yet, and it's been almost 9 months.

[jexa]

Oh ((((((((((((((((tree))))))))))))))))))

Just endless:

(((((((((tree)))))))))

you are doing great. it's okay to feel sad. feelings are good.

[sunrise]

Treehouse, it's OK to be sad. It is huge and sad. It just is.

Originally Posted by treehouse

It's like my subconscious is all trained to be ready for therapy every 3 or 4 days now, and I need to retrain it to wait a week.

Treehouse, that is exactly how I have felt when going from seeing T every week to every other. I had to retrain my unconscious to not be all ready after just a week. It took a while, but now my unconscious is on a two week schedule, and it is fine for me.

T called and now I think I feel sadder. I guess because I *know* it's safe to feel whatever I'm feeling with him, and after all of the hard work to feel safe feeling my feelings, I can't turn it off.

Again, this is exactly how it has been for me too. It's like I'm conditioned to feel by the presence of T. I really worried about this a couple of years ago when T took on another professional role in my life that necessitated my seeing him outside of session. I was really worried I wouldn't be able to function in his presence outside of therapy because I would automatically be feeling everything (which at that time mean deep sadness and lots of tears). We practiced a couple of times and it turned out that outside of his office, I could be OK with him.

Once when everything was too huge for me to handle, T told me to go home and cry and sleep. They really do help.

Definitely let yourself cry. In the end it feels much better than trying not to cry!

I wanted to add...on Monday I emailed T because I just needed to connect briefly, even tho I had just seen her on Sat and I am seeing her on Wed.

I think it's great you called even if you are going to see him in a couple days. It's nice to recognize that you need reassurance, to ask for it and receive it

[granite1]

((((tree))))
you are amazing and i feel so sad for you but you will be ok and just lots of hugs

[brickbat]

(((treehouse))) just wanted to say that it sounds like you're being really strong. this is a tough thing to deal with! i'm about to go through a similar ordeal - moving from twice to once a week - and i'm dreading it. definitely cry if you need to. even though it hurts so much at the time, in the end you'll feel better. it's okay to feel sad about this. take care of yourself.

[darkrunner]

((((((((((((((Treehouse)))))))))))))

I'm sorry it's so sad right now.
I hope Thursday comes very quickly....

[BlueMoon6]

((((((Tree))))) You are doing so well and even though your day was pretty good, you are SO right, its as if our brains are programmed to see T when we are supposed to. Its as if our feelings KNOW it and we need to feel on that day.

Its okay to cry with T and to laugh. Im sure he is going through withdrawal, too! You will re-program. I love the way you ask for what you need from T and he gives it to you. And Im sure all he has given to you carries over into your life.

millions of these

Tree, You are on the right track... Hang in there. It is tough but you can do it... I for one, am proud of you

[mobius]

I'm glad you're letting yourself feel the sadness, difficult as it may be. Because it *is* sad! Take good care.

[Melbadaze]

I think its more than just being "programmed". 2xwkly is beneficial for the work that is done in therapy. I'm sorry you can't do this anymore. Its not a luxury to go 2xwkly, in my case its a necessity.

[MissCharlotte]

((Tree))

Maybe it's not just your brain, maybe it's your heart that's programmed to see T. I seem to be in the minority here, but I don't think there is anything wrong with staying attached to your T for however long you need to, in my case I think it will be a lifetime. If you need to cut back for financial reasons, then that is truly a dilemma; one that I will share very soon. But I think the work to be done now in the cutting back is how to manage the attachment needs. I liked your idea of a short phone call and maybe more journaling is in order; sort of the letters to T type you did in the beginning of therapy. Sigh. The good news is that because of all your hard work now the adult Tree can comfort the little Trees. ((((((((((Tree)))))))))

Thank you SO much for all of the replies

There definitely was a time when twice a week therapy was a necessity for me, and I would have found a way to pay for it, even if it meant going into debt to do it. I think twice a week therapy is probably what kept me out of the hospital for a long, long time.

Now that we're on the other side of me telling most of my story, I feel like I *can* do once a week, without completely falling apart, being unsafe, etc. We truly truly can't afford twice a week (never could, really) and I owe it to my family to cut back so we can get out of debt and have more money for things the rest of the family wants to do.

But I totally agree with you, Miss C. I don't think there is anything wrong with my attachment to T, and I will let myself be attached to him for as long as I need to. It is something I still need, very much.

I know T and I will find a way to navigate this to make it as easy as it can be. He told me that I can e-mail and call as much as I need to, and that helps. And 3 sessions every 2 weeks will help too.

I see him TOMORROW. I CAN NOT WAIT.

[peaches100]

Hi Tree,

I just want to add that you've done so well in your therapy, and continue to do so well!! I know it is a huge change to go from seeing your t 2x per week to only once. But you're ready, and your t will help you hang onto the connection. I truly believe that because your t has been so willing to accept your attachment needs, and to provide support -- even physical comfort when needed-- this has helped you move ahead quicker than if he had discouraged it. He has modeled so well for you how to care for your little trees! And as you learn to do that, he is still right there helping you along. I've always thought he sounded like a fantastic t.

[MissCharlotte]

YAY FOR TOMORROW!

[skeksi]

hee hee hee!

Have a good session.