[ECHOES]

It seemed to be a good session. I felt good afterwards. I knew one thing she said bugged me but have tried to forget it.
But I can't.
I am obsessing and the fury is building.
She referred to the AA Serenity Prayer about changing what you can and accepting what you can't.
WTH kind of exploring is THAT?
She might as well have said "Get over it, already"
I told her a while back that the last therapist, who was useless, had a sign on her wall "Change it or accept it" and how useless and judgemental and "sucks to be you" it felt like.

grrr. Why do I obsess on one small thing. Why didn't I speak up in the moment? This is depth therapy??

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

It seemed to be a good session. I felt good afterwards. I knew one thing she said bugged me but have tried to forget it.
But I can't.
I am obsessing and the fury is building.
She referred to the AA Serenity Prayer about changing what you can and accepting what you can't.
WTH kind of exploring is THAT?
She might as well have said "Get over it, already"
I told her a while back that the last therapist, who was useless, had a sign on her wall "Change it or accept it" and how useless and judgemental and "sucks to be you" it felt like.

grrr. Why do I obsess on one small thing. Why didn't I speak up in the moment? This is depth therapy??

I think this may be a big thing actually. I agree the sign would have made me mad and I likely would have taken a hammer to it.

I do think we can change our future, but not our past. We can grieve it, get really mad over it, even directly confront it, but we can't change it. \

I'm interested in your interpretation of that prayer. Would you mind elaborating a bit?

[WePow]

((( Echoes ))) You have a right to that fury. Explore it. There is a big trigger for you in that statement. You shared some of it already. The reason you did not speak up about it in therapy is because it slapped you out of the blue and left you internally in a state of shock. I hate it when that happens for me. Uggg.

I encourage you to write out about this even more. There is something in your childhood I bet where you felt someone was saying this exact same thing to you. You were hurt and instead of getting the compassion you should have had given to you, this concept was handed to you.

oh my. that sucks. it's like a cop-out.

was the session almost over, not that it would excuse that, but might explain her trying to shut down instead of going forward on the topic?
if that was the case, it was a bad way to end.

here are 3 suggestions:

1) maybe you can leave a message on her machine so you can get it off your chest, (and if it isn't urgent, she does not need to call you back)...that way she knows what you were feeling.

2) ***immature response here*****
or you could call up and say you are "done with therapy, because you have already changed and you have accepted everything else,--bye-bye T"
LOL

3) maybe write it on a piece of paper for your next session, fold it up into a little square and put it away. bring it with you next time.

sorry ECHOES..

[Perna]

I still find it hard to tell the difference between what matters and what doesn't but I think my T was a little more "creative" with phrases. The one I remember was "A wet towel on the bed is not a murder."

We were illustrating what my stepmother and I would do (my brothers and I didn't keep our rooms picked up so my stepmother would tear all our clothes out of closets and drawers and, in the case of my brother, throw them out the window (I just got mine piled all in the middle of the room)). It's still easy for me to forget that not all things are created equal or worth doing the automatic go-ballistic on. If I get anxious or afraid, I can nit a pick from 20 paces, no problem, whether it "should" be or not.

I would ignore the ugly cliche and look at what you all were talking about, the subject devil that made her do it?

[Melbadaze]

Echoes, I'd feel the same as you do. Infact I know I'd be protesting about it the very next session!!

[mixedup_emotions]

My T has said things along those lines before, but has also admitted that it is very hard to do....

I too feel angry by your T's statements. I would've felt minimized...I hope you are able to address it with T sooner rather than later, so it doesn't continue to fester.

[BlueMoon6]

Echoes- That would feel judgemental. I would feel like she didnt want to explore the reasons that make it difficult to do those things. Not a heck of a lot of depth there....I used to get from desk-T a very put up or shut up attitude. And I could do neither and felt like a complete failure.

I agree that it would be a good idea to talk to her about it and why it is a trigger for you. Personally, I used to get a very "oh, stop it , Blue" kind of an attitude toward my feelings as a child and when I am given that attitude today, my feathers ruffle....

[ECHOES]

((WePow)) ((Solarwind)) ((Perna)) ((Melbadaze)) ((mixedup_emotions: good to see you))

I keep trying to put it in perspective, but unfortunately I can't recall what was said immediately before this. It could even be that she was agreeing with me about something. I think we were talking about how anger can help you realize there are things you want (very shallowly paraphrased, but you get the idea). I think I debated saying something in the moment. This was a session where I was able to be spontaneous, where often I am very closed and will stop myself after uttering a few words. The sesion as a whole felt really good. And it was the 2nd session in a row where I felt I could be spontaneous, the previous session being an added session the day after my weekly session, due to a meltdown after I left that session.

Originally Posted by Solarwind

you could call up and say you are "done with therapy, because you have already changed and you have accepted everything else,--bye-bye T"

omg, you made me laugh out loud!

ellimay, I agree, and I think it is actually a good and useful saying, and can calm a person when they are struggling. I have used it before, although I never told her that. I had found that it was calming to understand I was trying to change something that was not changeable. ... wait. maybe that's why she offered it up.... ?! To help with my frequent distresses. Thank you. My fury was not letting me think. Still..., I'd rather talk with her about the specific distress directly and come to the conclusion.

She knows I am non-religious, therefore the clever paraphrasing. So that is another facet.

I will talk to her about it. She will help me remember what specifically we were talking about. I considered calling if I could not stop obsessing, but I am calmer now. I may try to write about it later, in my journal that I mostly neglect.

Perna, "a wet towel on the bed is not murder" is funny to me right now, but I think it would have felt demeaning or diminishing at the time.

Thanks to all of you. It is nice to be heard

[ECHOES]

((Bluemoon6))

Our posts crossed paths. Thank you for your reply.

Yes, it does feel familiar to what I experienced growing up. I would get responded to with various phrases that said "So, then don't be that way", "What do you want ME to do about it?" Crying was not comforted and had to be done in private; I could not come out until I 'straightened up'. There was no help with anything, just judgements and 'don't need me' responses. The most frequent one was, when I was not able to say what I wanted to, and like any kid does, would say "I don't know" or "I don't care", then the response was "Well if you don't know I don't know" or "If you don't care, I don't care" and that was the end of that. No help getting it out, figuring it out. No help with distress. It left me so alone and confused.

[ECHOES]

Ohhhhhh..

I was running an erand and it came to me. We were talking about envy. That useless emotion, envy. Now it makes more sense, doesn't it?! That by exploring envy one can discover what they want, but maybe can't admit to or aren't fully aware of.
We were also talking about the viscious cycle of wanting, feeling optimistic, then squashing that optimism with things like not being deserving, being 'too' something (old, fat, broke, etc), then ending in despair again.

So the slogan thing was part of discussing the cycle.

We were also continuing of a discussion about how it takes so much energy to not let in good feelings, to not allow myself to believe that I have good qualities, work skills, etc. The things I do to negate those good feelings, etc. Like making comparisons to others that leave me feeling lacking. Mental self harm, I guess you could call it.

So, now that I can recall the context, it makes a lot more sense and sits so much better with me.

[granite1]

no real advice but lots of kind thoughts and lots of no strings attached hugs

It is so easy to lose the context of what is being said, but if we do lose the context then we lose understanding. I'm glad you took the time to remember the context of the situation.

To tie everything together...

...in the words of Oscar Levant:

"I envy people who drink---at least they know what to blame everything on."

get it -- AA, envy, ah?

[BlueMoon6]

(((Echoes)))) It does take a lot of energy to dismiss the positive qualities we have. And, I know for me, I am SO used to wasting energy on it that I dont even realize that I could that energy so much differently. It is TRUE its like mental SI. I have this runnning thins in my head that I feel, not necessarily say to myself, "I cant do it, I cant do it, I cant do it" ....so destructive.

[rainbow8]

Remember "The Little Engine That Could"? I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.......

[BlueMoon6]

Im holding onto that thought.....is that like "acting as if"? I tell myself I think I can but I am so not sure if I can......

sorry Echoes....Im hijacking.....

[ECHOES]

It's okay, blue.

Well I guess that is just what we do... "act as if" every time we do something for the first time, or when we are anxious but doing it anyway.

Gosh, Did EVERYONE get read that story when they were young? lol

But I am good and interjecting. "Well, I COULD.... IF..." with an impossible or unrealistic IF, so then it becomes "I can't" and that becomes, See???? I TOLD you I am a loser. I "prove" my negative ideas.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Mental self harm, I guess you could call it.

Oooohhhh, thanks for this! I've never thought of it that way.

I would do something about the "I could if" if I were you :-) I'd be inclined to reverse it, "Fidluoci" (fid-lou-o-see, has a nice ring to it) and go out and buy a symbol I'd name Fidluoci and carry around with me; maybe a tiny violin (fiddle) like we pretend to play when someone is giving us a sob story?

[BlueMoon6]

Cute, Perna- good idea!

I keep thinking, "How can I go back to work, I'll completely f up?" And that would just prove that I cant do anything.....

Enough hijacking, Blue!