[zooropa]

in my dream, I was in group w/my T. Afterwards, I was standing outside & I needed a ride home, but I didn't ask my T. I remember standing w/my face away from her, not asking. But she did end up giving me a ride.

But then she had to do some errand or something, so she dropped me off at a truck stop and was supposed to be back in 5 mins to pick me up. Only she didn't come back, and I was trying to call her but I couldn't make my phone work and I kept asking people to borrow their phones, and none of them worked. I asked the girl who worked in the truck stop to call my T for me, and she wouldn't dial the number right, kept doing it wrong and then laughing.

While I was waiting there a bunch of weird guys kept coming up to me and I felt really unsafe, but I couldn't get a hold of my T and I was getting more and more scared. I was also trying to light a cigarette but couldn't get a lighter to work, and I kept asking these guys for a light but none of the lighters would work. Then I got a match but couldn't find my cigarettes.

This lasted all night (the night in the dream, not the actual night...) and the next morning a cop came into the truck stop and I was asking him to call my T for me or let me use his phone, and he finally gave me a ride home.

anyway. Just my typical usual abandonment stuff I guess...

[jexa]

oh ((((((((zoo)))))))))) abandonment is AWFUL! That's a really intense dream.

[ECHOES]

Missing T is so hard and nothing works to make it change from missing to being there, try as you might. You want to call, but you want to not call. Where is she?! It might feel unsafe, frustrating, confusing. And it lasts all night or all the nights, until it is time to see T again.

[WePow]

((( Zoo ))) That dream is VERY powerful. In fact, I think it shows how much you are working to be there for your own self - as opposed to feeling abandoned the way you might think this dream is.

The reason I say that is because at the start of the dream, you needed something but you made a choice to NOT ask T. That shows your subconscious is saying "I think I am learning how to handle my own problems. This feels kinda scary for me, but it really does feel good."

You ended up going with T but did end up with abandonment (your fear) but the entire time, you were reaching out to others. You were even trying to get help from strangers (( Symbolism of trying to use PC as a support tool for yourself ?)) - and that is a GOOD thing to do.

Feeling unsafe was a natural response to the place where you are in your healing right now. You do WANT to do a lot of this "stuff" on your own now. You really are working heard to put your therapy into practice in real life. But you still do "need" your T at this point. And there is nothing wrong with that one bit.

Very awesome dream!

[zooropa]

thanks for that interpretation, wepow. I hadn't thought of the first part of my dream that way, because the abandonment part was so strong, but yeah. It makes sense. Obviously I AM afraid of my T abandoning me while I'm in a scary place, and the fact that I ended up getting a ride home from a cop is ironic because I have an intense fear of police officers IRL.
But yeah, I did make it home, without my T, and I was ok. I guess that's a good message to take from the dream, and as bad as the dream made me feel when I woke up, I think it's good that my subconscious is processing those fears.

so, do you guys think I should tell my T about the dream tomorrow when I see her?

[WePow]

((((( zoo ))))) I think you should tell T for sure!!

[Kiya]

((((((((((zoo))))))))

zowie! I have had t dreams like that - always near, but not getting needs met. T always wants to hear about them - then ends up with *totally* different translations than I. But always insightful. Hope you share it with t!

(which reminds me i had a really non linear dream about my SW. maybe I'll send her an email :P )

[Perna]

Yes, it's a very interesting dream. I would share it with your T like Kiya suggests. Have you dreamed about your T before? How does it compare to those dreams overall?

I like all the "opposites" in your dream; you don't expect T to help you in the first part but then she does and you do expect the girl to dial the right number, the scary guys to hurt you and/or light your cigarette but they don't; T to come back but she doesn't, and don't expect a safe way home but get the police coming for you.

I would test that in waking life, when I thought/felt something negative, I'd assume the opposite and act as if that were true, see what would happen.

I'm glad you didn't get a light for your cigarette and then couldn't find them; are you trying to give up smoking?

[zooropa]

Perna, I have dreamed about my T before, it's usually abandonment. Not surprisingly.

I really appreciate your input, I hadn't thought of all those opposites. Interesting considering I'm in DBT which is all about dialectics, holding 2 opposites to be true at the same time.

I'm not trying to quit smoking, but I smoke cloves which aren't available in the US anymore so I have to order them from Indonesia and it's a huge PITA. So, again, not surprising that I'd dream about it.

Also, the thing about the police was weird for me because I am afraid of cops and that is tied in w/my trauma, too. Maybe I'm trying to understand that police aren't bad, and I can be around one without falling apart/being triggered?

A lot of my dreams, I'd even go so far as to say MOST of them, are about trying to do something and not being able to do it. Screaming, running, dialing phones and not being able to do it, those are recurring themes almost every night for me. Frustration? A feeling of incompetence, lack of skills? I don't know.

I'm gonna try to talk about this dream w/my T today. It's scary to me to admit to her that I dream about her, that feels really exposed and vulnerable to me. Even after 18+ mos w/my T I still have trust issues and fear being really open with her. But I'm going to push myself to talk about this dream, and maybe even tell her how much I have missed her this week.

[Sannah]

My feel for the dream was that you couldn't "reach" T and that you must feel like that in real life? You didn't really interact with her, she gave you a ride and then you lost her. Could this parallel therapy? This ride that she gave you is the progress that you have made in therapy but she still feels out of reach?

[Perna]

Originally Posted by zooropa

It's scary to me to admit to her that I dream about her

Hey, I hear you! I once dreamed I had my head in my T's lap and she was stroking my hair :-) I told her.

Interesting you do opposites in most of your dreams. I had several years of dreams where I did "doubles" when I was working on my mother/stepmother separation issues. I dreamed I was coming up on a duplex and my T was in one door and another female therapist I'd had previously and who had been a great help to me and I loved was in the door of the other. But other times I'd literally have two dreams about the same "subject" but two separate dreams.

My favorite was a dream where I was getting married and was trying on my wedding dress, which, in the dream, happened to be the literal wedding dress my grandmother and mother were married in and then the next scene it was in rags/destroyed and I felt my stepmother had wrecked it and I had to use a different dress. But my dreams would often have two viewpoints about the same subject or two pictures hanging over a bed, etc. I got so I'd almost groan while I was dreaming

Whatever, it sounds like your dreams are seriously trying to help you with your DBT?

[WePow]

Zoo - did you tell T about the dream? If so, what did T say?

[zooropa]

I didn't get a chance to tell her about the dream, I really wanted to but the conversation went in another direction and I just didn't have the right opening I guess. That dream was so vivid, though, it's still with me all these days later. So maybe I'll tell her about it next week.

That is SO weird, I had a big abandonment dream about my T and a truck too. I can't remember it very well, because it was a LONG time ago, but I remember telling T about it.

Great minds.... lol