[polarsmom]

Okay, it's been a few weeks since I've seen T because of various reasons. And now I am considering a long break because I hate the way I've been feeling these last few weeks. Disappointed because I haven't been able to talk to him. And sad because HE is the one I want to call when something is wrong. I hate that I "need" him. And I don't want to need him. I don't want to hear him in my head. For some reason all of a sudden it bothers me that this is a one-sided relationship. (no, I'm not thinking of him in anyway other than a friend. Which I know, he's not my 'friend'. He's my therapist. THAT is the problem) It depresses me that I have no body else to lean on when I'm hurting. And even more so when I think about how the only person I have to talk to is my T. And he's paid to pretend that he gives a crap.

Why is this happening?? Where did all this come from? What do I do?

[Mike_J]

First of all, yes he is paid, but if he didn't care about really trying to improve your situation he is ethically required to stop seeing you. My therapist once told me that "a Therapist and a Patient can't be friends" I tend to disagree with that statement. I feel that at isn’t' best the Therapist/Patient is a friendship, just one with very unique boundaries.

And for me my therapist is the only person I can open up to about any topic and feel safe, and not like a freak, and don’t have to worry about rejection, so in my opinion (take it for what it’s worth I am a bit messed up) what you are feeling is normal and natural.

[polarsmom]

My problem really isn't the friendship part of it all. I know that I couldn't talk to him like I do if our relationship was any different. It's the whole "needing" him. Feeling somewhat dependent. And not wanting to. Maybe dependent isn't the right word. I am struggling with having him as the only one I can talk to. I don't have any girlfriends. I don't have someone to talk to when I am having an emotional day. I don't have someone to just chat with. Just my T. So when something is going on I find myself wanting to talk to him. Not just when I have an appointment. Just whenever. Like you would with a friend. I dunno how to explain it. Other than it sucks.

[geez]

Originally Posted by polarsmom

Okay, Disappointed because I haven't been able to talk to him. And sad because HE is the one I want to call when something is wrong. I hate that I "need" him. And I don't want to need him. I don't want to hear him in my head. For some reason all of a sudden it bothers me that this is a one-sided relationship. (no, I'm not thinking of him in anyway other than a friend. Which I know, he's not my 'friend'. He's my therapist. THAT is the problem) It depresses me that I have no body else to lean on when I'm hurting. And even more so when I think about how the only person I have to talk to is my T. And he's paid to pretend that he gives a crap.

Why is this happening?? Where did all this come from? What do I do?

polarsmom I too have felt this way 'needy' toward my therapist. I find it hard to wait for my next apt especially when it's a couple weeks away. I also many times feel like I need to call her when there's a problem in my life. Therapy is an ideal situation - to have some one sit and listen to you and look out for your own best interests BUT any other time outside of that room they are off limits. The reality is T's are are doing a job that we are paying them to do. They are trying to help us.

A goal in your therapy can/should be that you get to a point where you don't need them anymore (I personally don't know when I'll reach that goal).

Lean on us when you're hurting . I don't know what I would do if I didn't have this forum to lean on. It has helped me in so many ways to read postings such as yours and to have others answer my many questions.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by polarsmom

I am struggling with having him as the only one I can talk to. I don't have any girlfriends. I don't have someone to talk to when I am having an emotional day. I don't have someone to just chat with.

My T has mentioned before that this is something we could work on in therapy--my having friends. I have had too much else to work on in therapy, though, as well as higher priorities out in the real world, although I do have a number of acquaintainces now. But when and if I am ready to change this about my life, I know my T will help me with it. I think he will have some good ideas. Polarsmom, I think it is a very worthy goal to want others in our life to whom we are close, can trust, and can share with. Have you ever talked to your T about this?

[polarsmom]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Polarsmom, I think it is a very worthy goal to want others in our life to whom we are close, can trust, and can share with. Have you ever talked to your T about this?

Yes and no. We have talked about how I have no friends. And have even joked about how I can't find the "friendship store". I keep looking, but haven't found one yet.

I think that part of my problem with the situation is this: Somehow I have fallen into a funk again. I have periods of time where I want to do something about it. I have talked myself through the day so I'm productive. (which I can't do unless I take stimulant type medication and even with that it's a struggle) And then I talk w/ T and feel better. Sorta. But it's like I'm just wanting company. Sorta like a friend. I'm just wanting someone in my life to share tidbits of my day, someone to vent to and talk me through it. Anyone. Then I get frustrated that I need him. And get irritated that I am scheduling my work around my therapy appointments. And then I get the reminder of me paying him to be in my life when I get the weekly EOB from the insurance. It's depressing when I look at the whole picture. And then I get upset that I NEED him. And wonder to myself why bother when I don't have anything else? Why bother with all this? I feel like it's not worth it to go and then seeing how much it costs. Just makes me upset that I'm in this situation. Frustrated that I have gotten myself attached to my T. Even though I fought it so damn hard. I don't want to need him.

[Thimble]

Originally Posted by polarsmom

And then I get upset that I NEED him. And wonder to myself why bother when I don't have anything else? Why bother with all this? I feel like it's not worth it to go and then seeing how much it costs. Just makes me upset that I'm in this situation. Frustrated that I have gotten myself attached to my T. Even though I fought it so damn hard. I don't want to need him.

I can completely relate to this. I hate needing my T too. But isn't it cool that he is there....in those moments when you do get to talk to him, and the moments right after when you actually feel better? Isn't it so nice to feel hope and something other than utter depression and 'aloneness'. I find the "high" from communicating with my T always wears off...but you know what, I like that I have those "highs" in my life - even if they are temporary. Because I am "stuck here" now anyway - at least every now and then I can have, dare I say it, "a moment of happiness". And I think you deserve those moments of happiness too Polarsmom - while you work through things. Yea - sucks to need T, and to have to "pay" for the attention/contact but for now, it is what you need, and it is worth it. You are worth it - and T will help you work through things so one day you won't need him. But for today...he IS there. And doesn't it feel good/comforting to know that?

[polarsmom]

Originally Posted by Thimble

I can completely relate to this. I hate needing my T too. But isn't it cool that he is there....in those moments when you do get to talk to him, and the moments right after when you actually feel better? Isn't it so nice to feel hope and something other than utter depression and 'aloneness'. I find the "high" from communicating with my T always wears off...but you know what, I like that I have those "highs" in my life - even if they are temporary. Because I am "stuck here" now anyway - at least every now and then I can have, dare I say it, "a moment of happiness". And I think you deserve those moments of happiness too Polarsmom - while you work through things. Yea - sucks to need T, and to have to "pay" for the attention/contact but for now, it is what you need, and it is worth it. You are worth it - and T will help you work through things so one day you won't need him. But for today...he IS there. And doesn't it feel good/comforting to know that?

Thank you for posting this. I guess I really needed to hear this today. It touched me so much that it brought tears to my eyes.

I called him last week to tell him I think that I am taking a break and why. He called me back and we had a nice talk on the phone. I scheduled a session which happened today. And we had such a good talk. I told him how I feel. We discussed my fears. And he made me feel better about it. I did schedule an appointment for next week. I am glad that my T didn't just let me walk away.