help!!! my T cancled and i hate her

(((((((((((((((granite)))))))))))))))

You did it!!!

it's okay to get angry and make mistakes. that's why we're in therapy.

I'm so, so, so, so glad you are giving yourself the chance to grow and heal.

Yay, granite!!!

I have been reading this entire thread and been wondering what kind of therapist would "abandoned" a client who most certainly could benefit from continued therapy just because you emailed her, sent an angry letter or SI, is no reason to terminate you. That would be up to you if you truly wanted that. I have seen my therapist for almost 20 years for a multitude of issues one being abandonment issues stemming from early childhood. I have felt the same pain you have felt when an appointment had been canceled or a session missed. I know this comes from my issues and not her not caring about me. I have always been able to send her a letter(s) between sessions or call her if I need to. I can count on one hand the times I have felt anger toward her regarding abandonment issues and she has encouraged me to express to her those emotions. I sure hope you can get your feelings out to her and reconnect if that is what you choose to do.

thanks tree but dont give me to many horays yet i still havnt gone to the apt yet but i did send the email asking to still see her and thats big ill take all kinds of yays about that.i feel really good about that

puffs out chest and smiles

i know that most of it was me and my emotions now but i was so angry it really came at me out of the blue. im still not sure she will let me come back or if ill go but im hopefull

I love this!!

Granite, a few days ago, when you were so angry, you were thinking this may not be the right T for you - perhaps that was your anger speaking but perhaps there's more to it - the thing is, you have done SO WELL with this that even if you should decide to change Ts, on some far off day, you will always always know that this time, you faced your inclinations to run, and conquered them, and that is so great. good job!!!

granite, I'm so proud of you for sending that email. I know how hard that was. You have every reason to be proud! Your Ts response will tell you more about her than it will about you. It's ok to make mistakes.

she hasnt responded and i dont think she will either but its ok im sure if i decide to i will be able to find a new T

I know you said you don't expect a response to your email, but I guess what I meant by how she responds was more than that. first of all, whether she lets you keep that appt on the 14th. Secondly, how she interacts with you or what she says about this specifically during that session.

Because it is very clear to ME at least that you have done a tremendous amount of work here, granite. You went through a huge abandonment/rejection trigger, sent her the 1st email in reaction to that trigger, but then worked through your feelings and thoughts and were able to thoughtfully word a 2nd email asking for your session back. That is HUGE, and a lot of work. I hope your T sees that and reinforces that for you.