don't you think it's a crock of **** that all T's care

there are lots of responses here and it takes me along time to read things and understand so i cant respond to everyone right now when i first read this

i think i can not wrap my head around the fact that a T saying "they care" reely means anything if they tell everyone that.

to me there is a difference between "caring about someone" and "caring about how they progress"

..so it would mean more to me if a T said "i care about how you progress" to some clients and "i care about you" to other clients.

i currently believe that T's really dont care about you as a person, but how you do as a client....see the difference?

My T says that she can only treat people if she feels a connection to them. I'm not sure how that relates to your definition of caring.
But I believe that she feels a connection to everyone she works with. The relationships may not be the same, but the connection is always there. She says that (in her 30+ years as a therapist) there have only been a few people that she couldn't feel a connection to, and she has referred them to other therapists.

So I guess I think that she, anyway, cares for everyone she works with. But I think that the quality of her caring is not the same as the caring of (for example) a family member. I think that her caring has a lot more of respectful understanding in it, and a lot less neediness.

I have had the "why can't we be friends?" conversation with her, and she says, "Yes, I wish we could be friends too. But if we had that relationship, then we couldn't have this relationship."

So, I don't know. I guess I have come to accept our therapy relationship as a kind of unique thing -- not really comparable to other relationships, but still a very real and intimate thing. And I guess that I think that yes, she is able to have that with me, and also with all the other people she works with.

But it's definitely a puzzle.

Take care,
-Far

My first thought about this is that I tell each of my children that I love them. I say, "I love you" all the time to each one. Is it insincere because I say it to each one? I might even tell a friend, "I love you." Does that mean that I dont because I have said it to a number of people? I have separate relationships with each of my children and each friend. And I love them. When I say it, I may be thinking about different things about one then I am with another because they are not the same person. But it doesnt mean I do not mean what I said to each one.

I really do understand where you are coming from. I think when so much damage has been done it is hard to believe that anyone would have enough love or love at all in their heart to say it me or them and mean it to each one.

Well, if you care about someone in general- say you care about how they feel, what they have been through, how their daily life is going, and how they will have a happier and more peaceful life, you would probably care about how they progress. The two ideas dont seem like an either or to me.

Or maybe the T cares about EACH one of her clients AND cares about how each one progresses.

Okay....what, Solar, is the difference to you between caring about you as a person and caring about you as a client? I could write here what I think you may mean, but tell me exactly what you think the T isnt and is caring about when she only cares about you as a client.

I don't have time to go through all of the responses, so maybe this has already been said.

I am a psychologist. I can honestly say that while I don't like all of my clients, I do care about all of them. There is a big difference. Even when people are rude to me, I can see beyond that and want the best for them.

And I should say that I like the vast majority of my clients. To be a therapist, you need to have the type of personality that is very accepting of others, appreciates unique stengths, and is not easily annoyed.

I think someone said earlier that being a (good) therapist is not just a job. I couldn't agree with that more. It is a way of life. It is a calling. It is a personality. Not everyone is cut out for it.

Take care,
Emily, E.

I bet they don't tell everyone that. I think there are different degrees of closeness in the therapeutic relationship and that Ts probably don't say "I care about you" to many of their clients. To many clients, they probably demonstrate by their actions that they are caring, or at the very least, that they are skilled, professional, and trying to be helpful. I think that there are probably only certain clients to whom a T says "I care about you." These may be clients to whom the T is especially close or clients who need this extra reassurance because they are very doubting of the T due to trust issues, abandonment issues with family of origin, etc.

I don't think my T has ever told me, "I care about you," although he has said a lot of really great things to me (things that are actually far more meaningful to me than if he said, "I care"). I have no doubt he cares about me and haven't needed to hear him say it. I just know he does. It feels great. I really think he would reserve those words for clients with specific needs.

Do you mean your T? It sounds like you're talking about all Ts, and many in this thread have told you their T does care. Plus we have had Ts here say they care. Do you think all these people are lying? Deluded? I hope you can believe them--at least some Ts can care!

As you get to know your T and develop a relationship, you will come to know them well and be able to tell if they care about you. If you have a therapist who prizes authenticity and being genuine, they are not going to lie to you about this or fake it.

((((((((((((((solar)))))))))))))))

It took me a long time for me to really REALLY believe that T cares about me as a person. I'm sure he's always cared about me as a client - in that "I want to see you get better" kind of way - but I think that it takes time for a relationship with deep caring to develop. I have no doubt at ALL that my therapist cares about me now...but it took a lot of time, and a lot of work, and a lot of dismantling of defenses, and a lot of willingness to be vulnerable before I could really understand and FEEL that he cares.

Before I stopped working to be at home with my kids, I worked in the mental health field, with a caseload of clients. I really did care about each of them...I could see how hard they were working, and how much they struggled, and I wanted to see them succeed. There were some that I genuinely loved. We just connected. It's been over 10 years since I worked with them, and I still think of them fondly, and wonder how they're doing.

I talked to T about that once, about how there were certain clients that still stand out to me, and he told me I am one of those clients for him. And I BELIEVE him...but only because of the time and work that we've done to get to this point.

(((((((((((((Solar)))))))))))))))))))) You ask such good questions, and you are SO deserving of caring. I think early in therapy, it can be hard to "get" that we are deserving of love and care, and, for me, it was almost instinct to push any caring as far away from me as I could. Accepting love is a vulnerable thing.

My t. tells me that she cares about me, worries about me, & thinks of me often. However, she has told me that even though she cares about her patients, she can not become attached & let her pt.'s problems leave the office with her. She said she'd become a nervous wreck if she did, which is understandable. She did give me her cell phone # & welcomes me to call if something is really bothering me. She'd rather handle the problem then than let it get worse over the week til I see her again & am in a crisis.