[pachyderm]

Trigger for dissing therapists.

I went to the T search here on Psych Central and put in my zip code (not for the first time). I got over 80 T's listed within 25 miles of where I am (I put in 10 miles but it reset to 25). I copied the text of how they described their therapies, and pasted it into a text file; the word count was 14325 words, though that has to be approximate.

I read the descriptions, then put signs in front of the text for each T, ranking them. It went, in my ranking, from minus one to minus three. Meanie that I am, I added, in my text file, a few snide comments for the ones which triggered me the most. I did not find a single one that impressed me greatly -- positively, that is. In particular, the greatest number of them did not tell me clearly what they actually do in therapy. Some give names of therapies that they practice, but none really say what they do. Much wishful thinking, but no specifics that let me have a good idea of what they do that's different from anyone else in order to make their wishes or promises come out the way they say.

(Many of the descriptions contained spelling or grammatical mistakes. If they don't care enough to use a spelling checker, how can I think they care enough to think clearly about what they do as therapists?)

I'm fed up.

Now you are going to ask me what I do want as a therapist, or as someone to help me in any way. I wrote something up, but I don't know that I wrote anything comprehensible, or if anyone will understand it, or if anyone here does, what can you do about it?

Nothing.

I should shut up. I mean, I must be wrong, right? I cannot be the one who is right and all those degreed T's wrong, right?

[Melbadaze]

Oh drat, those nasty T's

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

Oh drat, those nasty T's

Not nasty. Just stupid. Mindless.

OK, sorry I said anything.

[mixedup_emotions]

Did you share the list of things you're looking for in a T, with the prospective T's?

I think it'd be really hard to get a clear understanding or make any kind of connection in an initial phone call. I can also see a T feeling as though they want to keep the responses open and vague, since most issues can be complicated and therefore can use different approaches...I imagine that it's hard to answer those things on the fly.

Maybe you can take it one step further and set up an initial consult with a couple of T's that didn't totally turn you off, and see how that goes.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

Maybe you can take it one step further and set up an initial consult with a couple of T's that didn't totally turn you off, and see how that goes.

I've tried that too many times.

I guess I should not present my anxieties here, since they just make everyone else anxious too.

[pegasus]

Hugs ((((((( pachyderm ))))))))

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

I've tried that too many times.

I guess I should not present my anxieties here, since they just make everyone else anxious too.

Wow, I'm sad that your experiences have been so unfavorable...

I'm curious about what is triggering your response about not presenting your anxieties here and assuming that it makes everyone else anxious too. I am not becoming anxious due to you presenting your anxieties, so I don't quite understand.

I am interested, though, in you getting the support you are looking for - all the way from empathy to constructive feedback....

I'd be interested in reviewing the list you created to see if there's any way I can help provide you with some feedback. I understand if you might not want to post it. I know that I would feel way too vulnerable and exposed, leaving myself open for some kind of backlash or painful feedback. If you'd like to PM me, I'd be happy to review it and give you my feedback.

[sittingatwatersedge]

How on earth can you tell I'm anxious from way over there? But my anxiety is based on the fact that I am to see T shortly, not because of anything you said.

My brother just ran for a local office and there were typos on his website too... that's OK... spell chequers are not all that reliable... and people are human... (yup, even me)

give yourself a little breathing room if I can gently suggest that for you? , it's probably a good sign that you are at least thinking about opening to someone. It may be that they have to meet you first, for you to get a better idea of the person; websites can't really tell you much.

If you do go to interview someone, you are free to leave. Unless it's the experience of the one on one itself, may be helpful to remind yourself that YOU are the one looking for someone skilled and talented to help YOU, you are not auditioning for them.
Post away, we are fine with it!!!

[BlackCanary]

And it is no wonder why clients are churning up the internet and FB trying to understand their T - when given the chance, so few are willing to put some substantial info on the table.
I think you are running into the situation that the T wants to be the best T for any possible issue or concern. Buy me, I'm great for all that ails you! Uber T!

I recently had to select a psychologist for my son. The insurance gave me 4 names of people who practiced in the next town over. Two were in the same practice, married. I searched on all of them. I called two - one male and the female of the married couple. The female described how she worked, and what a typical approach might be for a plan for my son - but she'd make no commitment until she could evaluate him. The male sounded great as a therapist but would not do an evaluation. So, we are using the female.

Then I had to pick for me - choice of three in my plan. Again, see what the internet has to offer. I picked the one who'd worked at a women's center, and who described herself as focused on relationships and family. I had to use some criteria.....but the thing I want to know is if we are a good fit, and I can only find that out by showing up.

Now that I've met her, I'm still not sure if we are a good fit. I've told her what I expect from a therapist. She's doing things differently than original T; I miss his way intensely.

In a way, having few choices makes it easier for me. If I were going to pay out of pocket, then I could pick anyone from 100 within 10 miles. And it would be impossible.

(((((((((((Pachy))))))))))))

Ugh! I'm sorry it's hard to find a good T

I wonder if you put the list away for a day or two and just let your subconscious mull it over, if you might see something next time you pull out the list? Sometimes I need to step back for a minute before making a decision.

Another possibility - have you checked the Psychology Today search? That's how I found my T. You can search by speciality, therapy type, etc.

You know what stinks? How when we're looking for a T, we already feel really bad (or why would we need a T at that moment?). I think that makes it feel 579257824905 times harder.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I'd be interested in reviewing the list you created to see if there's any way I can help provide you with some feedback. I understand if you might not want to post it. I know that I would feel way too vulnerable and exposed, leaving myself open for some kind of backlash or painful feedback. If you'd like to PM me, I'd be happy to review it and give you my feedback.

It's 90k in size, even as a plain text file, so it would probably gum up Psych Central completely!

[skeksi]

It is hard to find a good T, you are right. And it's hard to assess a T from a website posting. I know it helps some people to narrow the geographic area, then identify Ts who have experience in a key field (i.e., depression, personality disorders, etc.) and then call or meet with those Ts to get a better sense of them and their treatment plan. It sounds exhausting, but I'm not sure there's a better way to choose a T than to talk to them--even a LOT of them. I know this is a difficult search for you and I wish there were a different way to find someone.

[mobius]

I did an intial consult with six or so different therapists before I finally settled on the one I'm seeing now. I actually started with someone else, but then decided it just didn't quite feel right, so I went back to my current therapist.

I've seen a lot of therapists, and there have been a lot of incompetent ones in the mix. (The one who, in an initial appointment, interrupted what I was saying so she could spray a water gun at her kitten who was climbing on her desk comes to mind.) But there have also been some really good ones (one I had to leave because I moved to a different state).

I want to say this gently, and hope it comes across that way - it feels as if you're trying to discount therapists before you've really gotten to know them. I understand completely that the way some people write about themselves or their practice just turns me off. I think it's hard to distill what a therapist does into a paragraph or two. And what the therapist does is probably going to be different depending on who the client is. I always felt I got much more information from sitting across from someone than from reading about them.

Again, I'm sorry you're struggling right now, Pachy.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

It may be that they have to meet you first, for you to get a better idea of the person; websites can't really tell you much.

If a T is not self-aware enough to know that the description on their Web site (or GoodTherapy.org, which is what PC seems to use) will influence how a prospective client sees them, then I don't want to take the trouble to even see them.

If you do go to interview someone, you are free to leave.

This is something that everyone ('most everyone) says, but that too misses part of something that is my heritage: I don't feel that I am free to leave. Doing something like that is one thing that would have set off my mother big time. Because she would have (correctly) understood it as a criticism, and POW! Fancy telling that to anyone -- they just make fun of you for having such stupid fears.

[growlycat]

I can understand not feeling OK to leave a session. But what about feeling like you don't need to go back? Would it feel ok to meet a therapist once and then shop around for others? I

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by treehouse

I wonder if you put the list away for a day or two and just let your subconscious mull it over, if you might see something next time you pull out the list?

I did the original search yesterday; today was when I copied the text of all the T's there just to confirm my first impressions.

Another possibility - have you checked the Psychology Today search?

In the past, yes, though I have not copied all the texts and put them in one place.

I have also looked via the Am. Psychological ***'n, the psychiatric ***'n, psychoanalytic ***'n, etc. Not probably with total thoroughness.

(You can thank PC's software censorship for those asterisks. )

You know what stinks? How when we're looking for a T, we already feel really bad (or why would we need a T at that moment?). I think that makes it feel 579257824905 times harder.

Sometimes, like this morning (and most recent mornings), I am almost a non-entity (which is what my mother wanted). I can't think of anything at all. Nice when I go to a potential therapist? I have never met one who, I think, would know about that kind of state of mind and cope with it well.

What I want is someone who, when reading all the guff I put out, or say in person, if I manage to say anything at all, is to realize the anxiety that lies underneath it all, and who will react to that perception in a mindful way, something that does not increase my anxiety. I don't know anyone who does that.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by growlycat

I can understand not feeling OK to leave a session. But what about feeling like you don't need to go back? Would it feel ok to meet a therapist once and then shop around for others? I

How do I know the therapist is going to let me out of his office? How do I know that, if I display the "wrong" symptoms, he (she) will not call the white coats on me, and have me put away?

Why are mental hospital wards locked? To protect the patients inside? I have a bridge to sell you...

[BlackCanary]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

How do I know the therapist is going to let me out of his office? How do I know that, if I display the "wrong" symptoms, he (she) will not call the white coats on me, and have me put away?

Oh, hun, just talk about your MOM in the interview session, never about your REAL symptoms!! (j/k, sort of )

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by BlackCanary

Oh, hun, just talk about your MOM in the interview session, never about your REAL symptoms!! (j/k, sort of )

Here is one of my "real" symptoms (letting it out of the bag right here on PC):

You know all those "incomprehensible" murders that take place in the good old USA -- the ones that seem to come out of nowhere every few weeks?

I know why.

And the fact that I know why (I think) and no one else seems to, and it is not safe to talk about it, only frightens me more.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Hugs ((((((( pachyderm ))))))))

See, you detect the anxiety underneath, and react with comforting. But no one IRL will do that. And that is just the beginning of what is needed, if one is not to fall right back into the same hole. Again and again and again.

There was something that came in the Psych Central newsletter recently, and was on one of the blogs here, I think. Can't find it now. It was about how babies with comforting mothers turned out to be emotionally healthy adults. DUH!!!! The latest "scientific" finding, I guess.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Here is one of my "real" symptoms (letting it out of the bag right here on PC):

You know all those "incomprehensible" murders that take place in the good old USA -- the ones that seem to come out of nowhere every few weeks?

I know why.

And the fact that I know why (I think) and no one else seems to, and it is not safe to talk about it, only frightens me more.

Wow, that is scary! Instead of fearing it though, I am curious and excited at the idea that your insights could be incredibly valuable in that area!

Can you share some of your feelings? Not necessarily thoughts or knowledge - just feelings? It may be helpful in terms of relatedness.

pachy, i wasn't too impressed when i looked at Ts online either. i did find my former T thru networkedtherapist.org or something like that and overall she was pretty good. many of the Ts on PC and PT seem younger and/or still building up their practices. have you ever asked for a referral to a T from someone you know like your GP or friends or someone else whose judgment you trust? i do think personal referrals are a better way to find a T. it does take time and effort to find a good one though. it's a bit like dating--you have to kiss a few frogs before finding a good match.

[pachyderm]

Come on, mixed! You've got to realize that they [people who explode] feel they are in the same boat: no one is listening, it is not safe to tell what is going on with them. No way out until they explode!

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by bloom3

have you ever asked for a referral to a T from someone you know like your GP or friends or someone else whose judgment you trust?

Yes. Without success. But if I knew someone whose judgement I trusted, I wouldn't feel so desperate.

[purple_fins]

I wish I could magically match you with the best T. for you
i would do it in a second if I only could.

Here is one of my "real" symptoms (letting it out of the bag right here on PC):
You know all those "incomprehensible" murders that take place in the good old USA -- the ones that seem to come out of nowhere every few weeks?

I know why.

And the fact that I know why (I think) and no one else seems to, and it is not safe to talk about it, only frightens me more.

do you feel as if you could explode(or implode), with these answers inside you?! that's how I feel most times.

I have things I feel I know the answers to ... I mostly keep them to myself-- though, I have run a few by the T. I see and she hasn't locked me up yet! I would say more about it here... but... I don't feel comfortable in public.

anyway, I hope that you can find someone to talk to, someone that will truly listen.

thinking of you

fins