T hunt (in more than one way)

I feel sad that you believe that no one is listening.

have you ever considered a 12-step program like (ACA) adult children of alcoholics? now, i know you are not into spiritual things but that program is quite unstructured and unless it's a 'step study' they really don't focus on the spiritual element in the meeting for the most part. i think you might like the sharing where you get your 3-5 minutes to share and no one can comment or give advice or really say anything about your share. ACA is based on a family systems model and i think you'd relate to that because it is about looking at who we are as a result of family dysfunction and dynamics whether or not one is actually from an alcoholic home. i wasn't and it helped me tremendously. just hearing other people's stories was incredibly helpful as it made me feel not so alone with my problems and like others could relate. also, there are no authority figures in Program meetings as it is all peer-to-peer run. that might be a help for you. if you ever decide to check it out do know that they suggest going to 6 meetings before making a decision on the program. sometimes you hit an off night or like a particular meeting better than another. someone recently posted the ACA characteristics here on PC and here is the link.

I found my T listed online. I probably would not have chosen her from there.

I think, like a book, the cover just isn't enough to go by.

Yes, a long time ago. Some of the groups around here struck me as being too cult-like for me, wanting to hold hands and tell each other all your troubles and repeat mantras ("it works if you work it") and all. Others seemed to me to be populated by too many other pathetic people. One group for actual alcoholics I thought was extremely cruel: you have to fall to the bottom before you can be helped. What happens if you fall past the bottom? I'd already been there.

"it works if you work it" = if it doesn't work, it's your fault. You haven't tried hard enough.

Sorry, I seem to be pretty negative here, don't I?

No, but it's some indication. I mean, what if the cover tells you nothing that sets it out from all the other books?

I do start books that I see mostly from their covers, or their titles!

You see, arguments!

I have to read some of the book...

I chose someone who offered a psychoanalytic approach because I knew that is what I wanted. It took several sessions to be sure though. ... I had to read a little

Arguments, arguments. If I am wrong, is that the way to correct it?

I quit.

wow-- your reaction is quite something. I don't see anyone arguing.... it never ceases to amaze me how some of us can see "being wrong" from those that say things we don't agree with. I'm learning that just because somone has an opposite view doesn't mean my view is "wrong"......

you are not wrong pachyderm.... perhaps different from some of the posters-- but that doesn't equal-- wrong.

I think this is known as a cognitive distortion... if I may be so bold hope you're not offended... truly just trying to help a struggling fellow member here.

fins

fins, when I make what someone thinks is a "mistake", probably because everything I did as a child was hostilely criticized, and someone responds with words, words that contra-dict what I say -- well, that doesn't work for me. I want someone who basically does not use a lot of words in response to everything I say, but quietly listens for me to say more, or asks if they don't understand something, for me to explain it in more detail. In an atmosphere of reduced anxiety, I catch my own cognitive distortions. Arguing is death.

Pachy, I hear anger coming out here at your past therapists.............

Here is an example of one of the therapist's own descriptions. I gave this one a minus 2. You probably think there is nothing to object to here. I think there is nothing here. Nothing, that claims to be something. Nothing that tells you anything concrete about what this person does, other than emote nice thoughts:

--People - like plants - don't thrive in less than optimal conditions. However people - unlike plants - have the ability to improve the conditions in which they exist and give themselves the gift of positive and exuberant growth.
Is your growth as an individual being limited by
~ anxieties & fears
~ lack of direction
~ depression
~ past trauma
~ poor self image
~ relationship issues
Any one of the above can make you feel stuck and uncertain.
Growth oriented psychotherapy will help you rediscover your purpose and direction. My task is to guide you [snide comment: and what do you do to achieve that?] as you identify your goals and the resources you'll need to achieve them. My belief is that most of these resources already exist within you or are readily accessible to you.

Never! What, me angry?

You know what happens when you get too angry? Beaten to death, locked away, ...

Do these things never happen? What distinguishes between situations where they do happen, and where they don't?

I think I get it... You can feel invalidated... or dissed, if you will.

Yea, I do understand how anxiety can make healthy thinking much harder, that's how it is for me anyway.

perhaps arguing-- or the perception of it --is a *trigger* for you??

sorry you are feeling an argument.

please know that you are not wrong.

with much respect,
fins

Sometimes I use the phrase "contra-dicting" -- speaking against. I have a lot of trouble just with that. Speaking against is not listening. Listening is listening. To listen, you have to be quiet and let the other person speak.

I hear you trying to know what you can't know. Yet.

You can try with all you have to see the Atlantic from Kansas, but you won't see it from there.

that's okay. you seem to be in a tough place.

I know I am often compelled to make suggestions to other people, especially on message boards, because it's the most concrete way I see to show support. I am listening to how to support you better, though.

And, have you ever read a book that was a pleasant surprise, who's cover didn't say much or enough?

Yes, this is a problem with the Psych-field.... vagueness abounds.
It can be frustrating and feeling like looking into a black hole I s'pose.

Unfortunately it is not an exact science...
alas.....
the "thought" part of the brain... is like a fingerprint...
each one is unique... so ....
there can not be any clear cut "guide" or task list... such a thing is created as one progresses in therapy, for the most part. It is VERY individual. What works for one will not for another....
so if they put a task list out there for the public and find it not right for you-- that could be false advertisement if they change it, not to mention how restricting that makes therapy..... they must feel it's best to not do such practice until they get to know the client.

the mind.......*sigh*......

I often find myself wishing I could think as simple as a dog.......
what a relief that might be......

fins

Yes, a neutral listener?
No assumptions, no judgments?
Ask me how I feel, don't tell me what it sounds like I feel? Don't make it so then I have to defend myself that I actually feel _this_ not that?
Let me tell my story at my own pace? Listen for and notice how it changes as I come to accept the reality of my story?
Yes?

It seems very healthy to me that you are posting your thoughts and anger at the limited mental health resources. You are doing a good job of getting your frustrations out.

(((Pachy))) We really are listening....

I disagree, ECHOES. I can get some picture. If what I get indicates confusion on the part of the writer-T, an inability to describe clearly what it is that they actually do in therapy, or inability even to agree that they should know, then I get turned off. It tells me that they don't know what they are doing, and if that is the case, how do they know what to do in a crisis; how do they know if they made a mistake, or how to correct one?

Not a problem with me. It's just that I feel I have no one IRL to listen. If I had, I could roll with the punches a lot better.

Yes. But... there are billions of books. How to choose one?

Yes.

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