[granite1]

something my T said in sesson a few weeks ago keeps comming back to haunt me.she said that she feels selfish about sitting thare and not saying anything.she feels like she isnt doing her job.she then got up and grabed a ball and she had us passing it back and forth to each other.she said she didnt think it was good for me to just sit thare either.etc... at the time t didnt like what she had said it made me feel bad but i thought it was because i didnt want her to feel she wasnt doing her job.i have never seen anyone work so hard.BUT i keep thinking about it and this is what i'm thinking now.you know how sometimes T modle behaviors that they think are appropriate and feel you should see.i guess her saying that made me feel bad because if she feels selfish just sitting with me she must think i am selfish by just sitting and not talking to her.i never looked at me not talking as a selfish thing.god if i could just open my stupid mouth,i dont want her thinking i'm selfish.i guess who knows maybe i am.otherwise maybe i would just talk and make my life and hers a lot easier.she really has to work hard in our sessons.as she says like pulling teethi just want to scream to her that i am sorry now

[deliquesce]

not selfish, (((((granite))))), just scared.

[rainbow8]

You aren't selfish, granite!! No way. It's not your fault you can't talk in therapy. Your T's feelings are HERS, not yours. She is the one you're paying, and she wants to help you. If she feels selfish, it's HER stuff, not yours.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

You aren't selfish, granite!! No way. It's not your fault you can't talk in therapy. Your T's feelings are HERS, not yours. She is the one you're paying, and she wants to help you. If she feels selfish, it's HER stuff, not yours.

then why would she say something like that.she isnt selfish at all.she works real hard all the time.i wouldnt want me as a client.she told me once that she is carfull about the words she uses also so i dont think she just said that without thinking.i dont know it just made me feel bad and paranoid that she is going to quit me

[granite1]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

not selfish, (((((granite))))), just scared.

im really scared

[doogie]

No, I don't think you are selfish, either. Sometimes I just sit, too. I feel like I'm wasting my t's time, but that's MY stuff, he doesn't say anything like that. Your silence might make her feel uncomfortable, might make her feel unskilled - like she doesn't know how best to help you, but that is HER STUFF, HER PROBLEM. It sounds like she is working hard to form a relationship with you so that you do feel more comfortable in session, but NO I don't think you are selfish. ((granite))

[rainbow8]

I think she feels selfish if she doesn't try to help you talk, if sitting in silence doesn't work. So she threw the ball. I think she really, really cares about you and wants to help, so she doesn't want to just sit there. So, she feels selfish if she doesn't actively try to help you. It doesn't mean she wants to quit. It shows how much she cares about you, I think.

[WePow]

Actually, passing the ball sounds like a great idea from T! It takes some work to be able to make the calm connection that is needed before sharing can happen. There are many different types of body therapy that can be done - dance therapy is one.
Maybe that would help move you into what you need?

[sunrise]

granite, I don't think your T thinks you are selfish. Her own comment about herself was just that--about herself, not you. I think she probably just wishes she could help you and is frustrated she hasn't been able to help. But as others have said, those are her feelings and she can deal with them.

If your thinking that you are selfish helps motivate you in some way to talk, then by all means use it! If you think that talking will make you seem less selfish, then go for it! (I use all sorts of weird stuff to help motivate me, whether they are based on distortions or whatever.)

[Lilleth]

I like the way you all alway find a positive slant on everything negative.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by WePow

Actually, passing the ball sounds like a great idea from T! It takes some work to be able to make the calm connection that is needed before sharing can happen. There are many different types of body therapy that can be done - dance therapy is one.
Maybe that would help move you into what you need?

you know after the inital uncomfortablness i accually enjoyed passing the ball back and forth.it was kind of relaxing and gave me something to focus on.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I think she feels selfish if she doesn't try to help you talk, if sitting in silence doesn't work. So she threw the ball. I think she really, really cares about you and wants to help, so she doesn't want to just sit there. So, she feels selfish if she doesn't actively try to help you. It doesn't mean she wants to quit. It shows how much she cares about you, I think.

i do think she cares about me somewhat.i just get scared when she says things like this.the history has been that dosc and T just out of the blue have just sent me away or quit.i really dont want her thinking i'm selfish

[granite1]

Originally Posted by sunrise

granite, I don't think your T thinks you are selfish. Her own comment about herself was just that--about herself, not you. I think she probably just wishes she could help you and is frustrated she hasn't been able to help. But as others have said, those are her feelings and she can deal with them.

If your thinking that you are selfish helps motivate you in some way to talk, then by all means use it! If you think that talking will make you seem less selfish, then go for it! (I use all sorts of weird stuff to help motivate me, whether they are based on distortions or whatever.)

i think that it scares me more than it motivates me.i do know she is frustrated but maybe this vacation will help

[WikidPissah]

granite...it's so freaking hard when people quit on you...it makes you second guess everything. But I don't think she's frustrated, I think she's just trying to keep the ball rolling (so to speak). If she sits there and doesn't try to help you communicate she is being selfish...because she's taking your money for nothing. So she admitted that, and tried something, good for her. I don't think it has anything to do with you being selfish.