[rainbow8]

I'm going in circles with where my session led me yesterday. I know T thinks there is more to talk about what I'm going to call "small traumas". I think that may be a technical term, but I'm not sure.

I know that I was told EMDR was good for those too, but I don't like EMDR. So, how do you process trauma that's not major? I don't have trouble discussing these incidents. I don't know what more can be done. T wants me to feel more, like when the child was scared last week. Is that how to process trauma whether it's small or major?

I can't relate to the trauma work many of you are doing, and I am always in awe of your strength. But for me, it's this small stuff that I know affected me. I just don't know how T is going to help me. I think it's a valid question for an email this week because I'm feeling like nothing is going to help if it's just "small traumas".

[Omers]

I don't know that there is such a thing as a small trauma... trauma is trauma. I don't have much to offer as far as how to work on it as I am doing my work in a way that is very different than most.

[WikidPissah]

I think trauma is trauma...big or small. I don't think processing it is much more than acknowledging it happened. Yea, I guess a lot of people feel the emotions, and feel raw, but I usually just point blank say what happened and feel nothing. A lot of T's want you to retell it until you feel it, but I haven't done that, so I am not sure how it would work. There's lots of trauma work pro's here, so I'll let them answer that. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in the "not feeling it"

[rainbow8]

It doesn't SEEM very big to me. I looked up IFS on Wikipedia again and it says IFS treats trauma. I'm back to semantics again. These experiences affected me no matter what I call them. So I'm back to trusting T to help me, I guess.

[learning1]

Hey Rainbow, what's IFS? I just googled it and found out it stands for a lot of different things that have absolutely nothing to do with therapy, I just can't find the one that does have to do with therapy

Anyway, I'm not sure if my issues are similar to yours but I'm also dealing with what I'd call small traumas. I like your phrase One struggle for me has been to believe they're worth paying attention to in spite of being small. I was afraid I was just being self indulgent and feeling sorry for myself. But, actually, not deeply acknowledging that those little things that happened really hurt and affected me and, therefore, some of the ways I act now are slightly screwed up, is what winds up leading me to be self indulgent and various other negative things.

Something that helped me was when I realized how the feeling those small traumas caused is the same as some of the negative feelings I have sometimes now. (Though it wasn't always noticeable to me that I even have those negative feelings, I'm so used to them.) Anyway, that's how I got past just being able to talk about the trauma to understanding why it made a difference in who I am now. And then on to it's making some improvement in how I feel now.

I'm not sure that's what you're looking for, since you're asking about therapy techniques, but figured I'd give it a try anyway.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

It doesn't SEEM very big to me. I looked up IFS on Wikipedia again and it says IFS treats trauma. I'm back to semantics again. These experiences affected me no matter what I call them. So I'm back to trusting T to help me, I guess.

Even if it was small it had some affect on your cognition. It skwewed your perception of the world to the degree that it causes you distress now. I guess the aim here is to correct your perception?

[rainbow8]

Thanks, Omers. It could be that I don't want to admit it was trauma at all, though my T thinks so.

Eileen, thank you. Just talking about it hasn't helped me for years, so there's either nothing to talk about or I do need to feel it.

learning, IFS stands for Internal Family Systems, and it's the model of therapy my T uses. Thanks for your comments on your therapy. It sounds like what I need to do also--to relate the feelings then to negative feelings now. I tend to say those incidents were minor but the effects may not be minor. I'm sort of in the denial stage.

VenusHalley, thank you. It screwed up something but I'm not sure exactly what yet.

I still don't know if I believe my T when she says I suffered trauma in my childhood!! That's the bottom line. It's like she is seeing something I'm not, and that's very scary to me. I don't get it! Is she right and I'm in denial? I don't get the relationship between my needing her so much and the so called trauma. Or are they separate issues? My head is all messed up with this stuff and I wish I didn't have to wait 2 weeks for my session. I'm holding off on the email in case I need it next week.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I still don't know if I believe my T when she says I suffered trauma in my childhood!!

Rainbow my friend...
big T traumas (e.g. involving narrow escape fromdeath your own or others)
little t traumas (say, abandonment - HUGELY traumatic to a small child but not life threatening per se... also put in this category the various types of abuse, verbal and all the rest, many changes of address, foster home situations, etc etc etc etc)

when little t traumas add up, or extend over a period of years, for example as they do in alcoholic families, there is a cumulative effect.

You might read Judith Herman's book Trauma and Recovery; she agrees, big T trauma, PTSD, combat trauma, are all same - trauma is trauma. And Van der Kolk adds that "little t trauma" extending through the developmental years is more profoundly impactful than anyone has ever realized. Developmental PTSD... wow.

The thing about having to admit it in your own FOO is... it unties the rope your childhood was secured by, and you can feel like you're drifting over a waterfall - this is where I am in T right now - and until I can accept what really was, I will never really know who I am. I know who I told them I was, who I told myself I was, who I say I am today; but there is something more and it's very scary. This is turning out to be the hardest ride of my life.

Hugs to you my friend