[granite1]

so i have T on monday finely.i am happy to have things going back to somewhat normal but why do i have this overwelming fear about going and what is going to happen.i know i SI but i know i wont tell her and i can hide it with long sleves.i know i dont have to talk i want to be in her office i think.i know it is safe and quiet.WHY AM I SO SCARED.i hate iti hate me for being so scared that i know i wont even be able to move.she is so nice i need to give her a chance .my god she has put up with me and my stupidity for a year now.

[sittingatwatersedge]

one thing you can be pretty sure of, between now and Monday your feelings will change (and maybe more than once). in the meantime, like someone just told me... breathe... one breath at a time..... ok?

[granite1]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

one thing you can be pretty sure of, between now and Monday your feelings will change (and maybe more than once). in the meantime, like someone just told me... breathe... one breath at a time..... ok?

my T has a print on her table that says
things to do today
breathe in
breathe out
breathe in
breathe out
etc....

[rainbow8]

I think for many of us, or at least speaking for myself, I am ALWAYS scared before I see my T. I saw my former T for 7 years and I was still scared before every single session. I can tell my current T anything but I am still scared before I go. If she sees I'm too anxious, she does deep breathing with me when I get there. I just think being scared goes with the territory of being in therapy. It IS the unknown. That's why we need to establish trust with our T and feel safe, but we can still feel scared. It's OKAY to feel scared and safe at the same time.

[granite1]

i hope so rain i'm just so tired of it all.just really tired

[mixedup_emotions]

((((( Granite ))))))

I'm with ya on feeling scared before going to therapy. I've been seeing T for nearly 2 years, and I still get such incredible anxiety before going to my sessions. For me, it's that force for sameness....I want to be in my shell, protected...and that's the one place where I have an audience who is totally focused on ME. And that helps me feel pressured into trying to tear down those walls that keep me guarded, so that I can feel productive. SO SO HARD....((( HUGS )))

[googley]

I get scared before going to T sometimes also. When there is something big coming up it is even worse. I find mixed feelings to be so hard to deal with.

[WikidPissah]

Yea...me too. It takes a couple of Klonipin to even get me out the door to go to T. Granite, I think it's even worse when your T has been away and you missed a week or two. It's kind of like a re-introduction, and you have so much that transpired to talk about, but no words to use. It'll be ok Granite...it'll be ok.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Eileen2010

Yea...me too. It takes a couple of Klonipin to even get me out the door to go to T. Granite, I think it's even worse when your T has been away and you missed a week or two. It's kind of like a re-introduction, and you have so much that transpired to talk about, but no words to use. It'll be ok Granite...it'll be ok.

boy eileen you said it so much to say with no words to use.

[granite1]

ok got the call that my sesson is still on for monday i'm still terified.but i want to go sit in her office cant i just tell her i dont need to see her but just her office.she would probibly say something crazy like maybe it is the fact that she is with me that makes me feel so safe.she doesnt know about how the mother use to lock me in my rrom and how safe it use to feel to me.in fact i thought about that a lot when i started sitting on the floor in her office.i use to spend a lot of time sitting on the floor in my room next to my door.it kind of feels the same.the mother would never come in my room i was safe.locked in or not i was safe

(((((((((granite)))))))))))

I've actually told T a few times that I just need the office, not him. Because sometimes, that feels true. It's safe there, and quiet, and I can lay on his couch and know that nothing can hurt me while I'm in there.

Granite, I am scared before EVERY. APPOINTMENT. Three years into therapy, with a T that I totally trust! T and I talk about it sometimes...he says that maybe I am scared to go there and "meet myself". Maybe that's it. Lately, I've felt a little scared through my whole session. I tell T a lot that if I didn't like him so much, I would SO not be able to drag my scared self to therapy.

I hope Monday comes quickly, and that you get to sit on the floor and feel safe

[looking4polaris]

((((granite)))) I'm sorry you're feeling scared. As others have said, I also get scared before my appts. In fact, I have a bad habit of cancelling appts because I get too scared to go. Then, I end up going anyway and it feels so nice and safe to be there even though I'm talking about stuff I doin't want to talk about or think about or whatever.

I hope you will go and get to feel the comfort of being in a safe place. T won't know anything you don't tell her and you don't have to tell her anything you don't want to. You can just go and be safe there. Then, if something comes up that you want to share, you can deal with it at that time. Maybe what you need most is to just go and have some safe time there.

You could always bring some pocket riders with you . Maybe things would be less scary with company.

Also, I like your T's breathe in, breathe out print...

[geez]

(((Granite))) hang in there. Wishing you comfort and some relief.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by looking4polaris

((((granite)))) I'm sorry you're feeling scared. As others have said, I also get scared before my appts. In fact, I have a bad habit of cancelling appts because I get too scared to go. Then, I end up going anyway and it feels so nice and safe to be there even though I'm talking about stuff I doin't want to talk about or think about or whatever.

I hope you will go and get to feel the comfort of being in a safe place. T won't know anything you don't tell her and you don't have to tell her anything you don't want to. You can just go and be safe there. Then, if something comes up that you want to share, you can deal with it at that time. Maybe what you need most is to just go and have some safe time there.

You could always bring some pocket riders with you . Maybe things would be less scary with company.

Also, I like your T's breathe in, breathe out print...

i will always accept a rider or twoi think she has plans of doing art when she gets back.i love that i get to sit on floor and just do art i dont have to talk at all.i believe before she left she said something about continuing that but not to sure it wasnt a great sesson

[granite1]

only two more days

[googley]

I'll be a pocket rider for you Granite.

[Sannah]

[deliquesce]

i'll snuggle in with googley & come for a ride .
we'll be awesome fierce if you need us .

[granite1]

i just love all you guysill have to warn T not to make me use whats in my pocket

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by granite1

.it kind of feels the same.the mother would never come in my room i was safe.locked in or not i was safe

this is so amazing to me Granite; even if I was sent to my room, my door was never allowed to be locked so there wasn't any safe place.

You have a real way with these emoticons.
What you put is so ME, sitting in T's waiting room...>> <<

[rainbow8]

I want to come too, but don't be surprised if I jump out when you're doing art, cause I like it! I'll try to be inconspicuous and not take all of the art supplies!

[granite1]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I want to come too, but don't be surprised if I jump out when you're doing art, cause I like it! I'll try to be inconspicuous and not take all of the art supplies!

ok cool but dont touch my purple crayon .i never share my purple crayon okhave you done painting yet?

but truely i am so scared tonight.i'm scared she is going to findout about my arm and all the good words i so want to hear from her will be gone.i know she wont know unless i tell her but i'm still scared.

[googley]

((((((((Granite))))))))

If you are going to let rainbow do art, I want to do art too. I promise to stay away from the purple crayon.

I'm glad you are going to see your T tomorrow.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by googley

((((((((Granite))))))))

If you are going to let rainbow do art, I want to do art too. I promise to stay away from the purple crayon.

I'm glad you are going to see your T tomorrow.

come on in googly it can be a group project.you are all accually making me think tomorrow wont be so badyou have no idea how much this means to me thanks .ok you guys can use my purple crayon but only fo 5 min each

[googley]

(((((((((Granite))))))))))

How did the session go? I hope it went well.