Hate my T

Hi I am totally new to this site but I have been looking for some support and answers. Here is a brief synapsis. I have been seeing my T for almost 3 years 2 to 3 times a week. I want to be more to him, special. Not in any sexual way more like a paternal figure. I feel completely disappointed and rejected. And now I have begun to hate him. I obviously have a lot of childhood issues and thought it was just transference however now I am just avoiding and am probably going to quit because I don't feel like I can handle this any more. I have talked to him about my childhood longings and they don't go away and they just humiliate me. I was in DBT training also where he was the co leader and I hated all the others in the group especially those who did individual therapy with him. When I go to my appointments and see someone else sitting in his office through the window I want to rip them out of there. I am crazy jealous. I have cancelled my appointments for the week.He is on vacation the following week and I am thinking this would be a good time to quit. I have tried to quit before but I just cry and cry like a big baby. I was bad before therapy and now I am worse off than before. Is this just therapy gone bad? Help! I feel like a terrible person.

Kacey, welcome to PC!

First question I always wonder is: does your T know the extent of the jealousy? Not just that you have childhood longings but the way that it seems to affect you? I think this isn't therapy gone badly - I do think it might be therapy that needs to take a certain direction so you can learn to meet your own needs.

I agree, it isn't therapy going badly but that these are issues that are coming up that you need to work on in therapy. Can you talk to your T about these issues that are coming up for you currently?

You are in the middle of working through this. Cancelling and quitting is about your anger and it sounds like your anger may be scaring you. It is a time to keep going. Running away from it will leave it unresolved. You can do this and feel better again.

I hope you and your T can talk more about what it means to you to feel special to him. It is really important for you to tell him directly that's what you want. He can handle it and your angry feelings too. You chose him to help you; let him help you with this.

Sounds like you have a lot of strong feelings/emotions going on right now. I agree with the other posters, it would be good to have an open and honest conversation with your T about all of this. That's what the T is for. Good luck

((Kacey)) you need to talk to T about this. Can you uncancel any of your appts? Perhaps if you called him and told him what is going on you can schedule an appt before his vacation?

Wishing you well.

Hey thanks everyone for the feedback and encouragement. So I have not yet rescheduled any of my appointments but I am for sure going to think about what you all said. I did tell him when I cancelled that I don't feel connected and attatched and that I had to think about things. I have an appointment in a few weeks and said I would keep it for now and see how I felt closer to that time. We'll see...................................

Keep us posted?

I totally will. I have found this site extremely helpful. Thanks everyone.
I still have not talked to my T yet. He is going on vacation next week and then I will be gone til mid week the one to follow so it will be at least 3 weeks since last time I have met with him. I can't stand how hard it is to keep a solid relationships with T's. Who knew therapy would be so hard??