[suzzie]

Just sent my T an email about some homework. T emailed back but said that they didnt have their notes with them and could I remind them what the homework was. This fact hit me hard. I dont know why, but it bothered and disappointment me somehow. Its like T doesnt even know who I am really. Just remembers me at appointment time. I feel like T doesnt really care at all. The more I think about it the worst I think. Just caught me by surprise. I have such trust issues already and now I think this will set me back alittle more. I dont know what is real.

As I tell my students, I'm not a computer. I forget things if I don't have them right in front of me. Including what homework I've assigned (and I am only dealing with two preps). Imagine a t with dozens of clients to keep sorted in her head. It doesn't mean she doesn't care. She's just human.

[WePow]

Chris is right - a T is a human. It is hard for T's to really remember all the details all the time.

BUT I also know first hand how much it can hurt to feel what you are feeling right now. And that feeling needs to be honored. It also needs to be shared with your T at the next session.

The truth was that your T trusts your relationship (trusts you is included) enough to feel very safe in asking you to remind them about this finer detail of things. I am sure T has thought about a ton of different homework things to give you and it would be easy to not remember exactly which one was decided upon.

Tons of safe hugs to you!

[suzzie]

WePow, you made me smile when you said I need to share this with my T. You are so brave. Me, not so much. I will put this on "hold" for now and when I am braver (hopefully not too long) I will bring it up with T. Right now Im trying to figure out why I reacted that way. Apparently my mind has some independency issues. Figures it can handle this on its own, not a concern. I keep thinking T is going to get tired of my resistance and lack of progress and say it is not working out. Although I am trying...hard. It just doesnt look like it. People often think Im not trying and I dont care when I do. Got to think about Ts trusting. Im not sure. This was like a red flag to me. That T sees me like everyone else. Glad your T was there for you.

Chris, I know logically, you are right.

[Melbadaze]

Suzzie, I think being "forgotten" is a big thing in the beginning, we or I use to look for signs all the time that this woman (my T), wasn't going to mistreat me the way I'd come to know, and even if she did forget little things, though never the big things I might add, it feel as if someone was attempting to dislodge my defence wall inside, I wasn't sure what the results would be, would she begin to change because I was sure the first sign was here, she'd forgotten something I'd said. I too never told her about this in the beginning and begun to watch for other signs and no others signs ever happened and then the begining to see someone as whole begun to happen, you know someone that can forget but still really be genuine, and I could withstand her forgetting, which is pretty random I must admit, but one does grow a new inner strenght and if these things didnt happen, ie her forgetting, we'd never get to strenght that internal trust muscle, BUT of course, only you will know in time if this person is genuine and can be trusted, thats sometimes like a leap in the dark, but one that has to be taken.

[WePow]

((((Suzzie)))) Processing through all this is a good thing to do. Find the words to describe the emotions. It does take a lot to trust T, but you are doing it by not giving up.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by suzzie

Right now Im trying to figure out why I reacted that way.

Originally Posted by suzzie

Its like T doesnt even know who I am really. I feel like T doesnt really care at all.

Maybe this triggered up feelings from the past, like when you felt others didn't pay enough attention to you or care enough? I know with myself this was a big trigger and it triggered up how my mom didn't know who I really was and didn't care enough about me because of her own mental health issues. I did work through this, though, by working through my old feelings about this and by being aware when I was triggered so that I could identify what was really going on with myself.

[WikidPissah]

suzzie...that would kind of trigger me as well. I am a smart woman, I know in my head that T has a lot of clients...but being reminded that I am just one of many still hurts a bit.