[ballet_girl]

So, to go along with all of the missing T threads that have been popping up, I'm wondering if your T has given you any techniques to work through things alone. In my case specifically, I won't be seeing T for awhile and while we talked about distractions and goals, I'm not really how to work through the feelings related to a trauma. Mostly I'm just confused between my emotions and not knowing exactly what happened in the first place. T and I talked about it a lot for awhile but it was feeling a lot better so we never really discussed how to handle it now that I'm alone...now I just want all of these feelings untangled and I don't really know where to start. I'm thinking about emailing her but I know that she wouldn't be able to give me much more than an "I'm here for you" until I see her in person.

Over the years, I've slowly learned from T how to get through things. I don't know if he ever said "treehouse, do this and this and this", but just through his helping me in session (and out, sometimes) I've absorbed some stuff.

I think that what works is different for everyone. For me, the thing that works the best is going outside. Seeing the big sky, and the trees, and the earth grounds me, and puts things in perspective. Sometimes having walls around me makes me feel SO trapped with my thoughts and feelings.

Mindfulness helps. I look around and name things. "I see a stuffed bear. I see a fan. I see a clock". It brings me to the present.

I try to remind myself that the trauma isn't happening now. The FEELINGS are happening now, and they suck, but the trauma itself isn't.

And I try to remember that things are ALWAYS changing. No matter how bad I feel now, if I can just wait, things will feel better eventually. I've never been stuck in a feeling forever.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time, ballet girl.

[elliemay]

I think a very important thing that my therapist has told me (repeatedly) over the years is that they are just feelings.

They aren't going to overwhelm me, or kill me. They are just constructs existing in my mind that, usually come from an old place. Not exactly relevent to the situation at hand.

Learning to sit with distress has been a valuable skill as well. Mindfulness has helped a lot with that. There are DBT workbooks available online.

It's not necessarily the content sometimes, but the fact that I am taking action toward making myself feel better, and not being so reactive to the feeling has always held a lot of currency for me. But it's a hell of a lot of work. I've been astounded at the amount of discipline that is required.

Most of the time I manage, but sometimes, well, it's just hard. I'm getting better though.

Of course, sometimes faking courage sometimes not, developing good loving relationships has been the single most important thing for me. I started - and don't ask me how I managed to do this, I just did! - volunteering at a wonderful place that works for and cares for homeless animals. It's a miracle to me to be around people all centered on a common goal. It's like instant comraderie, instant common interest.

[ballet_girl]

Thank you

Tree, I really like what you said about being outside. I think a long walk might be something to try next time I feel really overwhelmed. Also, I do a lot of my thinking while running. Maybe it is time to get back into the habit of being active outdoors

But I guess more than anything I just want to understand what happened and understand why I feel the way that I do, and T seems so integral to that. She said that healing is a long and hard process, which I believe. I just don't want to wait half a year, until I see her again, to continue on my journey.

[Perna]

Ballet_girl, I think how you work through things is probably an individual affair, depending on your trauma and your own psyche and how you think and work with yourself. I would see if you could get apart from yourself some, when you're upset and "observe" what you think and do, how you feel, how soon bad feelings pass, etc.

Knowing our own patterns (and there are patterns) and how things ebb and flow (like weather, tides, other natural things) can help us feel more comfortable that things can be worked out.

Do you have any older family members you can write to, see if they have any memories of the time you experienced the trauma or what you were like then? If you can get an aunt or grandparent, sibling, cousin, friend, someone else remembering what they remember, it can help make the time feel less lonely and remind you you weren't living in a vacuum. Sometimes too, they have little tidbits of information that might help you remember more yourself.

[Christina86]

Journalling has helped me to deal with figuring out emotions. Or finding someone you're comfortable talking to is another option.

Mostly trying to internalize the messages that your T has given you has helped me. So now I'll say "I'm worth it" even if I don't feel that way, because T gave it to me. Then I remember that she still cares even if she's not there.

Untangling emotions is hard and even if you want to just get it done right now - it might not be the best thing to do for you right now.

Doing mindfulness also helps, and learning how to breathe in a meditative way too.

[REEG]

What a great question! I like using DBT skills too though I'm not in a DBT group. Try the website DBT self help, it has very good info.
I find if I can get to a place where I can be in the moment, then I can access my grounding skills. The trick (for me anyway) is to recognize when I'm triggered and do SOMETHING different, and let up on my expectations for just a little while.
Some things I do are Journaling, talking to a friend or T, post on PC, or use distraction, kids and work are great for that! When I'm really feeling lousy I give blood- it's a great way to give back and you get to rest, get a thank you and eat treats!!

I like swimming laps beacuse its very repetitive and there is so much sensory input. Also, getting warm helps a lot. I love saunas.
Also, taking regular time for myself helps. Take it regularly, BEFORE you feel you need it. As others have said, being outside is very helpful.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Perna

Do you have any older family members you can write to, see if they have any memories of the time you experienced the trauma or what you were like then?

This can create its own problems! Like, they don't want to think about those things!