[bpd mess]

i saw my t yesterday. it didn't go so well. i left in tears. i suppose there are just some days with t that it doesn't go well. i don't really get what "monitoring and regulating my emotions" means. i guess it's somewhere between letting them take control and shutting them down completely. t says i'm getting better. i feel like i'm getting worse. it probably doesn't help that it's the first holidays without my mom. i don't really have a question or anything. i guess i just needed to whine a little.

[with or without you]

bpd, I understand what you are feeling and you are not whining. I went through this when I lost my dad 8 years ago. My therapist asked me in the months afterward if I had ever had a "hard" cry. I told her not really, just little tears going to sleep here and there. She told me I needed to allow myself to just lose control (in a safe way)...you know, lock the door, make sure you have privacy, and just sob it all out. I can't remember her exact explanation, but she said something like, "you need to be on the couch letting your grief out" or something like that. It helped me. Good luck to you, and don't feel bad if you don't want to do anything during the holidays...it's normal. 8 years on for me and I still resent Christmas.

Maybe you can write your therapist a note after your mood has evened out a little and tell her how you felt during your last visit, if you're not comfortable just bringing it up for the first time right after walking through the door and sitting down.

[geez]

((( bpd ))) I can relate about not feeling happy right now. Sending comforting thoughts your way. BTW you are not whining and please keep posting. We can lean on eachother

[granite1]

[WePow]

(((((bpd mess)))))) It is OK to not have good days in therapy. Maybe make a list of things this year that you did accomplish? That can help you see how much work you have done. And you have done a lot.

[bpd mess]

Originally Posted by WePow

(((((bpd mess)))))) It is OK to not have good days in therapy. Maybe make a list of things this year that you did accomplish? That can help you see how much work you have done. And you have done a lot.

it's so hard to see anything good when everything looks so bad right now. and i think a lot of it really may have to do with my mom. i spent the first 6 months this year taking care of my mom who was dieing of cancer. i guess i should maybe cut myself a little slack during the holidays. i think my mom stuff is gettin mixed in with the therapy stuff and it's a bad mixture.

[WePow]

(((((bpd mess)))) That must have been very hard to go through for you. I am sorry. Yes, you should be gentle with yourself. That was a very hard part of your life and this will be a tough holiday season as it is first one without your mom. :-(
Allow yourself the freedom to be sad sometimes when it hits you. And it will. Just focus on being honest with yourself about you each day - one day at a time. One hour at a time.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by bpd mess

i think my mom stuff is gettin mixed in with the therapy stuff

I think that happens and it's okay, not comfortable by a long shot but it happens and just has to be weathered. I like learning from my T that feelings and moods are like the weather and we can just wait and the bad ones will pass. . . eventually! I hope your next session with T feels better for you.