is it physical or emotional, or both, or does it matter?

I feel really out of sorts tonight.

I'm physically ill (kidney infection, etc) and exhausted, but I feel emotional too.

I guess I'm just laying here feeling really bad and trying to sort whether it's physical, or emotional, or both. Probably both.

And then I think about what T would say, which I'm guessing at obviously. My experience with her tells me that she would say it doesn't matter that much, in this moment, where it's coming from. What matters is just letting it be, and taking care of myself both physically and emotionally so I have the resources to deal with my life.

It's just been a lot going on. Again, both physically and emotionally. I feel like I can't catch my breath, can't get the down time I need to recharge. So scared this is the beginning of a downward spiral, when in reality it's just a day. Tomorrow will be a new one.

So, that conflict, again, between what I know in my head and what I feel in my heart.

yeah. I'm googling stuff about therapy and thinking about my T. A lot. A lot more than usual. Something is up.

Maybe it's because I'm sick and kind of overwhelmed with huge changes in my life this week. T is my "safe person" and so, when I feel like this, it's my inner child just wanting the comfort and security of her "parent"?

Change is hard. Even positive change. <---understatement

(((((Zooropa)))))

I've kinda learned to go without my T because I've had no choice since I moved farther away and I don't trust my car for the trip. I miss the weekly connection, but what my T has said and did for me stays with me no matter what and I find that comforting. It is also comforting knowing that I will see T again in the near future. Sometimes it can be hard depending on what I am dealing with. Granted, I don't know the exact issues you deal with or if some of them are similar to mine or not, but I know how bad sickness can really start to wear on a person's emotional well being and in turn making you even more run down physically.

I know though too that if it ever becomes overwhelming for me, that I can always call my T. Do you have that sort of a connection with your T, that you can call him if it gets overwhelming? I've been in the spot where friends and family had completely abandoned me in my time of greatest need too. If you are in that spot, calling your T is the best option to prevent complete emotional breakdown.

Try not to analyze if it is physical causing the emotional or all just emotional weighing you down. It really doesn't matter that much as long as you are doing everything you can to take care of your physical ailments. Try resting, watching movies, rentals on Netflix, talking to friends and family (non-toxic friends and family) and just relaxing. I suspect being sick and going through what you have recently is what has triggered you. Call your T if it gets too bad or is heading that way.

(((((((Zoo)))))))
Sending you hugs and support. Take good care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. Remember, we are more emotionally vulnerable when we are physically ill. It will pass and you will get better. It is not forever, and you are not alone. Sitting with you in your pocket.

feeling unwell makes us feel very vunrable...its natural to then look for comfort...all forms and if the person who comforts you the most without any strings or needing to be comforted back is T then thats natural to steer toward her...hope you feel better soon...

I hope you feel better soon! What are you doing for your kidney infection? Whenever I'm sick, I think about my T more also. I feel little and like I want her to be with me and take care of me. Not that I don't think like that all of the time, but when I'm sick it's worse. I think that's a normal feeling.

thanks ((penguin)) ((lauru)) and ((melba))

Yes, I can call my T if I need to. What she says is "call me if you want to or need to." And I do call her. I talked to her yesterday, and got an email later yesterday, and emailed her back last night. I do feel connected to her and I know I could call her right now if I wanted to. Or needed to, lol.

There's nothing she can help with right now, though. It's just my feelings and my not wanting to feel them. Really going to spend tomorrow doing what I need to feel better.

oops, cross posted. Thanks also ((rainbow))

I'm glad you also think of your T more when you're sick. And also glad to know you think of her lots the rest of the time, too. At least I'm not alone in that. Do you think Ts know how much we think about them?

I'm on another new antibiotic and nausea meds and pain pills and trying to drink lots of water (except I just ran out of water. argh.)
I think they aren't sure if it's a kidney infection or if it's that and something else, I go back on Tues for more tests.

Not sure...I wonder if they might not want us to; you know, maybe they want us to feel "fulfilled" with all the other people in our lives. Maybe I'll tell mine the next time anyway.

I'm so sorry you're poorly. Being physically ill makes us sooo much more vulnerable to everything that's going on emotionally. I do think it's so very normal to want T more when you're sick, since everyone needs more care and attention when they're ill. It sounds like you're doing a brilliant job of doing exactly what is needed in each moment- starting with getting yourself to the ER- which is what you think your T would tell you to do. I hope you can feel proud

Re the question of whether Ts know how much we think about them... I think it depends partly on whether they've been on the other side of a therapeutic relationship. My T has told me that she experienced very similar feelings in her own therapy as I have in my therapy with her, so I know that she probably does know how much I think about her. I do think that so much of the thoughts and feelings just come with the territory of being the 'client', so many Ts must have some idea of how intense it feels.

Sending you lots of get well wishes

((zoo)) I'm so sorry to hear you have a kindney infection and you are feeling bad. I have nothing to add other than I'm wishing you comfort.

Get well soon.

(((((((((((Zoo)))))))))))))))

thanks, I'm feeling a little bit better. Looking forward to seeing T tomorrow morning, not looking forward to seeing my doc tomorrow afternoon for more tests.

Just getting through this one step at a time.