my session

T talked about how i have been feeling so low.i was able to say i
m scared but that was it.T didnt seem to mind for once she did a lot of talking i think she knows things are not so good for me right now.she told me i need to imagine my son loving me and comming home and stuff i cant believe in a lie.but i couldnt tell her i just shook my heasd no.she told me i need to try because if i dont all i have is the dispair that i feel and that wories her.i think she said so many things i got even more overwelmed.i dont understand her telling me to imagine a lie to get me through or to feel better.IT"S A LIE

(((((((((Granite))))))))))

So you don't think your son is going to come home when he is done with this deployment? Or you don't think your son loves you? I think your son loves you very much. From what you have said about him here he sounds like he loves you. You talk about how he came home between deployments and visited. And that he emailed you briefly when he was in between activities during this deployment. I know you are really sad that his is not able to come home, but my guess is that he still wants to come home for the holidays even though his job does not allow him to.

What part do you think is a lie? Why do you think it is a lie?

she wants me to imagine jeremy comming home and he isnt how is that helpfull.i dont understand and i cant do it.yes i can imagine he loves me .but that hurts.the problem is i dont know anything about what he is up to

((((((((((((((Granite))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry you are in so much pain. I know you really wanted him to come home for Christmas.

((((((Granite)))))))))

(((((granite))))) I think your T might have thought it might be nice to imagine your son, that it might make you feel better. Turns out she was wrong about that -- you miss him too much and it hurts to imagine that.

Well, that's okay. That didn't work for you. Maybe something else will. She is just hoping there is something that can help, because she cares a lot about you.

((((( granite ))))))

This reminds me of something my T said to me once. When I was recalling some painful things of the past and saying how I can't change it...He said that I couldn't change it, but that I can change my experience of it. I replied, "Why does that feel so fake?"....His response was that it's pretty distant then.

I believe he was trying to help me, but instead, I dismissed it...like, I am somehow supposed to be able to just change the way I'm feeling and thinking, just because he's suggesting something different?

But, I'm hoping that one day it will make sense, something will click, and that I'll be able to somehow feel differently, view it differently, have different reflections, hopes, etc.

Hang in there, granite....

Granite, i dont know what to say sending safe hugs

I'm sorry that it was a painful session - please know that your T will have only meant well when he suggested those things. The mere fact that you responded like you did to his suggestions could be a great starting point for your next session.

T is hard, life is difficult - i'm sorry to hear how depressed and full of despair you are. This episode will pass, and you will be able to see the sunshine again
(((GRANITE)))

Maybe she meant his eventual coming home not coming home this Christmas? You said that he was in intelligence in Okinawa. This sounds pretty safe to me. I don't remember hearing about too many intelligence people not coming home. Japan is a safe deployment too isn't it?