[elliemay]

Oh yeah, I've definitely hit a stress pocket this morning. Mind racing, panting, pacing. I feel incapable of doing or focusing on anything - except this generalized nameless worry.

The weather is bad (big time stressor), I recently lost a beloved pet, and this sense of impending doom is almost overwhelming.

I placed a call to my T, but he really really isn't that good on the phone and the weather will be prohibitive from going in.

Anxiety is so hard to sit with because it is so motivating. I feel as though I need to do something, but what?

Any ideas at all? I'm just not able to direct this anywhere.

Help!

[Elana05]

Hi elliemay,

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so anxious this morning!
I know just what you mean about the weather. It is a big stressor for me too. I really dislike travelling in it and it compells me to want to hibernate inside until it passes.
Take deep breaths.

I also feel that talking to someone is helpful when I am super stressed out. I'm sorry to hear you are not able to talk to your T. He should be there for you!

But... can you call a hotline? Even just to chat? This may help you to feel more calm... Here is a number: 800-273-8255.

Are you aiming to head out of the house today despite the bad weather?
Is there any kind of treat you could offer yourself for getting a quarter or halfway to your destination? Like buying a hot drink you like or visiting a store?

I'm so sorry to hear about your dear pet as well.
I do believe they are always with us in spirit. I'm sure your pet is there in spirit hoping to calm you and help you feel better.

Elana

[seventyeight]

hi elliemay,

i was trying to think of how talking to your therapist on the phone could be better for you, as it seems that's probably going to be the best way for you to get some relief. i've had phone issues with my therapist as well (as in, we suck at talking on the phone to each other), and one thing that i've found has helped is to stop and go back if i say something that she misunderstands, etc. i think there is this tendency with the phone to just keep going, but if you can slow it down and even stop and go back - i think it's helpful.

also, i don't know about you, but i find it hard to remember what exactly i want to say, when talking on the phone. i've not done this before, but maybe making a bulleted list of things you want to discuss might help. that way you won't get distracted or feel like there's something you're missing/forgetting.

and above all else, remember to breathe!

[seventyeight]

one more thing:

http://www.alohainternational.org/html/dmteng.html

this isn't exactly the one i wanted to send you, but i think it might help anyway. the tapping part of it is good for relieving anxiety.

[Fartraveler]

Exercise?

Something aerobic, and until you're really tired out. Then sleep.

(I'd say 'meditate' but for me, when I'm highly anxious, I can't meditate at all. But if you can, that might be good, too.)

-Far

[jexa]

Hey I've posted this a few times but thought it was relevant. Maybe it will help you? It's one of the only meditations that work for me when I'm really anxious.

Last week, we looked at ‘expansion’- opening up and making room for emotions, feelings and sensations in your body; allowing them to flow through you, without fighting with them or getting pushed around by them. And I asked you to practice the N and the A of the NAME technique:
N – Notice the emotion
A – Acknowledge the emotion by name
M – Make room for the emotion
E – Expand awareness
I asked you to pause for a few seconds and do a check-in, whenever you’re feeling stressed, and Notice what is happening in your body: where are you feeling it? What is happening in your forehead, jaws, throat, neck and shoulders, chest, and tummy (the areas of your body most commonly affected by strong emotions). And to do so with curiosity; to observe these sensations as if you are a curious scientist who has never encountered anything like it before, noticing the location, size, shape, temperature, pulsation, vibration, pressure, tingling, movement etc. And to then acknowledge the feeling by name, silently saying to yourself, ‘Here’s anger’ or ‘I’m noticing anxiety’.
Did you try this at all? If so, what difference did it make, if any? Hopefully, you started to notice a bit of detachment from your emotion; a sense of unhooking yourself or disentangling yourself from it, at least a little bit. If you didn’t, no worries; when you add in the M and the E of the NAME technique, it becomes much more powerful.
The M stands for Make room. How do you make room for a painful emotion? There are many different ways, but here are three of the most useful. I invite you to experiment with them, and find the one that works best for you – and of course, feel free to use any combination of them that you like.
1. Breathe and Open
Breathe slowly and deeply, and imagine your breath flowing into and around the part of your body where you’re feeling it most intensely. Imagine that as you breathe into the feeling, all this space opens up inside you, around the feeling. See if you can cultivate some sense of opening up inside, expanding around the feeling.
2. Create an Object
Imagine this feeling is an object. What is its shape, size, colour, weight consistency? Is it liquid, solid or gaseous? Is it moving or still? What temperature is it? Is it transparent or opaque? Light or heavy? Is there any sound, vibration, pulsation within it? If you could touch the surface, what would it feel like; rough, smooth, wet, dry, hot, cold, sticky, spiky? Try breathing into and around this object, and see if you can get a sense of opening up and making space for it.
3. A Compassionate Hand
Take one hand, and imagine that it is the hand of someone very kind and caring. Gently place this hand on the area of your body where you’re feeling this most intensely. Let your hand rest there, and feel the warmth flowing from your hand into and around the feeling. Most people find this instantly soothing. Leave your hand there for a while, and see if you can get a sense of softening up or loosening up around the feeling.
NOTE: With practice, you will reach a point where you can do this very quickly; in the space of a few seconds, you can notice, acknowledge and make room for the emotion.
And then what? Well then you need to Expand awareness – to engage with the world around you. Life is like a stage show, and on that stage are all your thoughts, all your feelings, and everything that you can see, hear, touch, taste and smell. What you have been doing above is like dimming the lights on the stage, and shining a spotlight on a painful feeling. Now, keeping that feeling in the spotlight, you simultaneously bring up the lights on your body. Push your feet into the floor, straighten up your spine, adjust your posture – notice both your body and your emotion.
Next, you want to bring up the lights on the world around you. So open your eyes and ears, look around and notice what you can hear and see. And notice what you’re touching. And notice where you are and what you’re doing. And whatever it is that you happen to be doing, engage in it fully; give it your full attention, while allowing your emotions to be exactly as they are.
NOTE: this takes a lot longer to write or read about than it does to actually do it. In practice, expanding awareness as above takes a few seconds at most.

***

Like any skill, the NAME technique takes practice in order to develop competence. And like any skill, every little bit of practice makes a difference. If you do this once a week, that’s better than not doing it at all. Initially, it’s easiest to practice NAME in less-challenging situations where your emotions are less intense. This will help you develop your expansion skills, so that over time, you can apply them in more challenging situations where your emotions are very intense. So why not try this when you’re stuck in a queue or a traffic jam, or waiting for your date to arrive, and you’re feeling frustrated or impatient? Why not try it when someone has pushed your buttons and you’re feeling disappointed or upset or annoyed?
REMEMBER: the aim is not to get rid of the emotion, but to stop struggling with it; stop amplifying it; stop letting it push you around or overwhelm you. The thing is, when you drop the struggle and make room for the feeling and engage fully in whatever you are doing, you will often find that the emotion does reduce or disappear. When this happens, enjoy it, but please look on it as a lucky bonus, rather than the desired outcome. Certainly, don’t start looking at expansion as a way to control your feelings, or you’ll soon be disappointed!

[sundog]

Thanks so much for posting the above, jexa. I'm going to print that out for myself. Really helpful! Thank you!

Hi elliemay. I would also suggest exercise. As you say, intense anxiety is all about excess energy. So finding a way to re-channel that energy can be really helpful. Depending on the weather, can you go outside for a brisk walk or jog? If that feels like too much of a stretch, or if the weather makes that impossible, then you could try some housework. In all seriousness I find that cleaning my kitchen floors or stripping the bed and putting fresh sheets on - or any other physical task - can be a good way of distracting myself from anxiety.

Really hope you feel better soon

[elliemay]

Okay, I've got some relief tonight and feel better.

Thank you all for the tips. When I get like that I'm afraid I simply have not developed the discipline yet to effectively practice those techniques.

Sometimes talking makes it worse even.

What I decided to do was to embrace the weather and go out and take pictures.

It may be horrible outside, but it is pretty. I got some great shots and it focused my attention somewhat.

I have no idea what spawned the horrible anxiety, and may never ever know.

Again, thanks

[sundog]

Originally Posted by elliemay

Okay, I've got some relief tonight and feel better.

Thank you all for the tips. When I get like that I'm afraid I simply have not developed the discipline yet to effectively practice those techniques.

Sometimes talking makes it worse even.

What I decided to do was to embrace the weather and go out and take pictures.

It may be horrible outside, but it is pretty. I got some great shots and it focused my attention somewhat.

I have no idea what spawned the horrible anxiety, and may never ever know.

Again, thanks

Really glad you're doing better. It's great you were able to go out and take photos! Yay! I'm so glad it helped

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by seventyeight

hi elliemay,

i was trying to think of how talking to your therapist on the phone could be better for you, as it seems that's probably going to be the best way for you to get some relief. i've had phone issues with my therapist as well (as in, we suck at talking on the phone to each other), and one thing that i've found has helped is to stop and go back if i say something that she misunderstands, etc. i think there is this tendency with the phone to just keep going, but if you can slow it down and even stop and go back - i think it's helpful.

also, i don't know about you, but i find it hard to remember what exactly i want to say, when talking on the phone. i've not done this before, but maybe making a bulleted list of things you want to discuss might help. that way you won't get distracted or feel like there's something you're missing/forgetting.

and above all else, remember to breathe!

My poor therapist. We've tried everything. He'll readily admit that he is not at his best on the phone, but that he certainly will try. He always wants me to call when I am in acute distress just so he will know what is going on with me, and that means a lot.

But...One time he got so flustered he told me that I was just going to have to - and I quote - "suck it up until our next session"! It's funny now, but at the time I was "holy crap! I can't believe he just said that!"

It's like how some people turn into completely different people when they drive. It's a limitation that I deal with.

For instance, yesterday when I talked to him, he ended up saying - "look just take a klonopin, and I don't know - have some hot chocolate or something.". I just had to laugh. I was literally panting from anxiety and he tells me to drink some hot chocolate. *shakes head*

The klonopin, however, was good advice.

Ah therapy.