[The Poet]

..when you walk out? or skip a session and don't return?

i was going to give choices, but i am interested in all responses.

thx

I've never walked out or skipped a session or not returned, but my husband has a habit of cancelling his appointments on short notice or simply forgetting to go. It does tick t off because that is my husband running away from what is difficult (a pattern for him). T charges him full price. He gives him a good scolding. He works on the underlying reasons my husband does this, etc. My husband is a bit of a hopeless case as far as consistency with therapy goes.

[The Poet]

hm. thx.

i meant more along the lines of a RUPTURE and client bolts.

[sittingatwatersedge]

you have a lot of questions. Why are you interested in responses?

[PTSDlovemycats]

I myself have never done that. Only time i missed a session i was in the hospital but she knew that because she was the one that took me there..

[Gently1]

Near the end of a session I started packing up/organizing to go, and my T said " i see that your are fleeing" invited me to sit and breath and it was 20 minutes before I felt calm enough to go. Into overtime.

In past work with other T's, I have been greatful when the clock said time is up, but did not notice the fleeing on my part.

Really like this work, I would not have noticed I was bolting...

I was not required to stay, but because I am in therapy to learn some 'better' / additional coping skills, it was worth the time to face the fear.

[The Poet]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

you have a lot of questions. Why are you interested in responses?

ok. i won't ask anymore questions here.

sheesh.

[rainbow8]

Poet, I don't think anyone wants you to stop asking questions. They're interesting. Speaking for myself, I'm interested in hearing more about you, and what's behind the questions you ask. What does YOUR T do? What kind of ruptures are you having? It's hard to get support if you simply ask questions. But, of course you may not yet feel comfortable in talking about yourself here. That's up to you. But this IS a support forum and it doesn't seem like you're getting the support you may need from your threads. If you are, then great!

[jazzy123456]

I enjoy that you ask questions. thanks for doing that. my plan for my next session is to walk out early...so i was interested in hearing others responses...not walk out in anger but, walk out out of the fact that the pain in there now is too overwhelming.

[ErinBear]

I've never done either thing. I've had times when I was really upset with my counselor and was struggling a lot, and was really eager for the session to end. But to leave early seemed like I would be cheating myself. I paid for it - I would be losing money on my investment, for one. It's up to me to keep working hard. I would never just skip an appointment for a similar reason; I would be financially responsible for that appointment, at least partly, and that would be lost money without the chance to do any work. I think it would also be rude to my counselor, who is a nice and caring individual. I have, however, called to cancel an appointment when I was upset. That has happened a few times. In those instances, my counselor called me, and we talked through it. I chose to keep the appointment, and it was always a good thing I did so. Usually when that happened, I was upset with him, and it was something we needed to work through. It's been a long time since any of that happened. Now I keep all of my appointments. If I am tempted to cancel, I listen to that within myself, and tell him about it. We talk about it, and we work out the problem (whatever it is). Usually I learn a lot from it, and our working relationship gets stronger as a result also.

Take care,
ErinBear

[deliquesce]

i was a question asker when i first started on support forums. i did it a lot with T, too (e.g., he'd asked "what do you mean by self harm?" and i'd want to know what the various options were that he would expect). it was about building safety and security for me, i probably would have freaked if people turned the limelight back onto me. i dont know if that's the case for you, poet, but i'm just giving an example of how people ask questions (and still feel supported) without disclosing their specific reasons for asking those particular questions.

as for your actual question... i've skipped a number of sessions when pdoc & i have had a rupture. the first time it happened i don't think he'd even realised i was upset with him - he sent me a text 8 weeks later just to check i was going ok, and said he felt bad for even making contact because it felt paternalistic. now he knows me better (5 years on), so he's pretty good at checking in on me. he might not do anything if i skip one session, but he will usually send me a text/call before the next one to check everything is going ok.

i've never actually walked out on him, but there have been few times i've been waiting in his reception area for a long time & finally got fed up and left, and usually those times he's called me immediately also.

he's never charged for cancellations, or berated me, or made me feel bad. he self discloses a lot about his thoughts on me/our relationship, and invites me to talk about what was going on through my head when i bolted/refused to return. he isnt forceful about anything and sometimes i cant really talk about it. e.g., i didnt wait for his appointment in january this year, but i didnt want to talk about it when i saw him next either and he was ok with that. i finally told him about it last week and he made me feel good about letting him know.

[elliemay]

I "forgot" an appointment once. My T called to see if I was coming. I was mortified at myself.

I've been horribly horribly horribly angry with my T but have never left a session abecause of it.

Storming out is just not my thing. Sulking? Well, that's a different story.

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by elliemay

Storming out is just not my thing. Sulking? Well, that's a different story.

haha oh yeah. i just dont have the guts to physically leave when i'm sitting in the room with someone. but i CAN sit in silence for 50mins or so .

[krisakira]

the mental health center that i go to has this policy where they call it a "no-show" if you don't go to the appointment or call at least 24 hours in advanced if you can't make it. If you get 3 "no-shows", your case gets closed and you can't go back there for treatment. This may sound harsh (and it kinda is, i wish it was like 4 or 5 times and you're out, not 3), but my new T finally explained it to me that it is for liability, simply to keep their asses out of trouble. She said if they had a client who regularly did not show up for appointments, and he went out and committed a crime, the police would look up his records from where he received mental health treatment and see that they have been going to doctor such-and-such for therapy. When they see they were scheduled and should have been regularly attending, the therapist or doctor might be partially blamed for not giving the client adequate care. Hmm... it made a lot more sense when she explained it, but thinking about it now, that's kind of far fetched. Oh well. I am just concerned because I already had 1 "no-show" before I had heard about this policy, and I accidentally missed the bus today so I missed the T session I had today, therefore I have 2 "no-shows", and I am deathly afraid of being kicked out!

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by The Poet

ok. i won't ask anymore questions here.
sheesh.

Hey, guy: don't take it so personally. Questions are what everybody's here for: to ask and to answer. SAWE probably just didn't phrase her post as well as she might have. Ask as many questions as you like. Start as many threads as you like. Don't get downhearted if you don't get as many responses as you might like. That's just the way things work here and everybody here has started threads that haven't been popular as well as some that have.

To answer your specific question, I used to do things like that, many years ago (MANY years ago), including but not limited to not paying my T, arriving in pajamas, being drunk, walking out halfway, etc., etc. Then there was a thirty-year hiatus and now I'm back, as serious as I can be.
I need very much to get better as fast as possible, so I cooperate as much as I can and work very seriously with my T. It sounds as if you need to evaluate what you're doing with your T and make up your own mind as to what you really want to do. If you want to get better, you have to be serious. That's it. My point of view. You do as you like. And take care!

[skeksi]

I've had two sessions that felt overwhelming, and I said, "I want to go now" or "I want this to be over." T scooted his chair back and gave me clear body language that, okay, we could be done. Both times I stayed, instead, to discuss what was happening. It was nice to know that if I wanted, I could just go, but I knew I'd feel worse if I didn't just talk about what was upsetting me.

[rainbow8]

I've always been too attached to whichever T I was seeing to ever walk out of a session. I have the opposite problem: never wanting to leave. One time with my first T, though, I tore up the appointment card in tiny pieces before I left, I was so angry with her. I don't even remember why.

yup, walked out a lot, been going for a long time, got angry and left, got mad and left, got there and thought t was being mean and left after five minutes, and left early if i felt out of control in session, left early because a quite a few times i thought the time for sure had to be up because i have talked so much....
t just lets me go,

i left once early cause t hurt my feelings and he knew it, and so he yells as i am leaving "call for an appt" and that is when i told him to "F*#k off" and yeah, he let me come back....and i think i did apologize

however, i have never once been a no call/no show or cancelled with less than 24 hrs notice

hopes this helps answer your question and keep asking i love reading the replies!!!

[WikidPissah]

I have never pulled a no show/no call or walked out during session. I have left a few T's without notice though. One T was weird, so I canceled my appt and avoided her calls to reschedule. Pretty much went the same with another T. My last T I saw for a year and a half, and for a few months I got more and more disturbed. We were on a merry go round headed no where. I finally got sick of it, and on the drive home from an appt, I left him a v mail saying I wouldn't be coming back. He called my husband to tell on me. Hubby told him he should be talking to me. Then he called me and said he felt I was quitting because of fear...that we were getting close to issues. That was BS, so I told him I was just tired, needed a break and I'd call him in a few mos. Never called him back, took a month long hiatus, then started with new T.

[googley]

I've never walked out or no-showed. There was one time I thought of not going. I ended up going because I knew I would go back eventually and knew it wouldn't get any better with just waiting. However, I told my T that I didn't want to come that day. She said she wasn't sure if I was going to come either because I was so mad the session before.

There have been times when I've WANTED to leave.

I remember once, I was SO angry (no idea why, it was years ago) and I pulled out my checkbook and started writing a check. T asked me if I could wait just a few more minutes....and after that, just 5 more minutes...and we finally made it to the end of session. I'm glad he kept me there, and I didn't have to feel quite so horrible when I left.

I did leave early once when I was angry. I wrote a check and just left. T didn't chase me, or call me, or e-mail me. He just waited, and when I was ready, I called him, and we started working through it together.

Have you stormed out, poet?

[mixedup_emotions]

There were times when I've gotten angry and wanted to walk out...and one time that I canceled because I was just not up to facing him....and I know T pretty well - he will not chase me, he will not call, he will not email - he will let me be until I decide to reach out to him. He doesn't give in to manipulation. When I've been so upset with him, I'd need some time to gather my feelings - post on PC (hugs) - and really think it through - and then I'd address it with him and work through it. It's basically helped me learn more about healthy conflict...and conflict resolution.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

I enjoy that you ask questions. thanks for doing that. my plan for my next session is to walk out early...so i was interested in hearing others responses...not walk out in anger but, walk out out of the fact that the pain in there now is too overwhelming.

Could you just tell your therapist that the pain is overwhelming? Maybe you two could work something out?

[Luce]

I walked out and / or 'quit' abruptly on several occasions in the course of my therapy (and with several different therapists). None of them contacted me, but waited for me to recontact them. Ethically that is what they are supposed to do.

With my long term T (8 years) I unexpectedly announced in one session that it would be my last, and I didn't go back. My t did eventually email me to see how I was doing... 3 years later! I guess she figured her ethical obligations had expired by then!