[ECHOES]

I stopped doing gifts but I'm wondering if others are planning what to give to T at Christmas ?

I gave him a gift a few years ago, but I haven't made it a tradition or anything. I haven't really been looking this year, but if I ran across just the right thing, I wouldn't hesitate.

[jilliebeanmn]

I usually do a plate of homemade cookies and treats. He always asks every year..."Do I have to share?"

I tell him they are his cookies and he can share as he pleases, or not. lol

[ladyjrnlist]

I was thinking about doing the cookie thing. I usually do it for my neighbors too. I think my T would be cool with that. I hope so anyway, cuz he's getting them. LOL.

[Omers]

LOL!
I usually make home made cards from my photography based on their personal likes (as much as they let me know). I am very crafty and none of my T's will take gifts that "cost money". This year it might be hand decorated (wood burned and hand colored) boxes.

It is always funny when they try to figure out how I know what they would like. They forget how much they self disclose... I don't!

His birthday is in November and I always give him a present for that. I think last year I wasn't going to do a Christmas gift, and then at the last minute I decided to.

I'll probably either bring him cookies or knit something small. I saw a pattern for a giant smiley Prozac pill, and I thought that would be funny.

[geez]

I've never given my T anything for Xmass before. Not that I haven't wanted to but just never knew what to give her. Something for me to think about.

[zooropa]

last year I made T a small knitted gift, and agonized over whether to give it to her. I finally did, and she loved it. At least, she seemed to love it.

Now I feel like I want to knit her something, because I did last year, but I can't find the right thing and time is running out. I might just give her some hot chocolate or cookies or something.

I don't know. I'm kind of in denial about the entirety of xmas this year, is it really happening? Even if I pretend it isn't??

i haven't ever gotten t a gift of anything.....would just hate it if rejected it...can't reject what you don't get??????

[zooropa]

jb, I felt the same way last year. I really WANTED to give her something, especially something I had made by hand just for her, but...what if she rejected it? I was so scared! It was this board that helped me have the courage to give it to her.

[with or without you]

I gave her a present (both times my own creations) a couple years in a row...been seeing her for almost 10 years. I don't give her anything anymore, I just send her a card. I think I stopped giving her stuff because I didn't want to appear "attached" or bombard her.

[mixedup_emotions]

Thankfully, my T is jewish, so this is a non-issue for me...I did send out holiday oriented cards to T and several others in his office with a note thanking them for their support, etc. My ex-husband's T acknowledged it...and my T's receptionist acknowledged hers...but my T didn't say a word. That's his style, though, I think. Didn't bother me.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

Thankfully, my T is jewish, so this is a non-issue for me...

I thought you were going to say, "so I have to get 8 gifts instead of one" - ?

[Purplechick]

I gave my T a gift last year - a very small gift - but she went really freaky and said she cant accept gifts ever again.

Deffo too scared to ever do that again!!!

[chancy512]

I gave my T a gift last year. She seemed to really like it. ( coach wallet). She did however keep saying that I should not have done that.
This year I have ordered a really cute box that lights up and I have attached a gift card to a book store w/ it. I know she likes to read ( only thing I know about her)!
I love giving and have a really hard time receiving. My T. knows this so I think she is a bit more gentle with me.
I wish I could give her something everyday. Lately, more then usual she has been on my mind.....all the time. Her office is right down the street from where I live so I can see her office going home and coming home. In a way it is comforting and in a way I wish I could be in her office with her all the time.

Purplechick-

My T did the exact same thing when I gave her a gift for her birthday this year. She thanked me on it and said it was very nice but that she cant accept anymore gifts. I really wish I could get her a christmas gift though. I wonder if a card is boundary breaking. I don't want to do anything wrong. I'm still very scarred from my last gift giving experience. I haven't even been able to talk to t about how it affected me yet.

[Kacey2]

I have given my t gifts in the past like gift certificates to restaurants, movie tickets, crocs, etc.. I always was trying to think of something that he would really like (ex movie time w/ his fam). Last year for Christmas I made him a wreath and gave him a gift certificate to a resort that I knew he would love. He wouldn't accept the gift certificate. I was crushed because I had thought sooo hard to find something I knew he would really enjoy. Even this year as the holiday season rolled around I felt hurt about it all over again.

So I emailed him and straight out asked if I could give him a gift this year. I told him that it was really hurtful last year when he rejected my gift and I didn't want to experience that again. I told him that it was really important for me go be able to give him a gift and I promised to tone it down if it was allowed.

He wrote back that he was really excited that I had asked and that he felt was such a huge step and saw this as progress. He said that was "connection" between us. He said I wouldn't like his answer but he had to decline any gifts.

I don't understand really.................gifts, hugs, etc... They are such a normal generic things now a days and why are those so freely exchanged sometimes with people who are simply acquantances but they are "taboo" for therapy. It makes me feel like there is something wrong (dirty? shameful? ) about being in a therapy relationship.

I challanged him by saying if a 6 year old waddled into his office with a gift for him that he would not reject it.

[The Poet]

Ah, this is an easy one.

A tuition remission for T to return to school.....T needs to learn more to help me.

LOL

[zooropa]

I'm sorry you guys have had to experience your T declining your gifts. That was my big fear last year, that she would say she was unable to accept it. Even if I understood intellectually the reasons, emotionally I would have been crushed.

I do understand Ts not accepting gifts that have monetary value, so I knitted her something. That was the first gift I ever gave her, or any T.

This past summer I crocheted her a little Nemo figure to keep in her office. I gave it to her right before she left on vacation. Nemo is still sitting on top of her bookshelf and I stare at him and see the little mistakes I made that I'm sure no one else notices, lol!

Then I got her a cup of coffee from Starbucks this fall, on our 2 year T anniversary. I agonized over that one, too.

For me, giving T a gift is fraught with peril. I would be devastated if she said she couldn't accept it.

[ladyjrnlist]

LOL!! Yeah, they can't help but talk about themselves a bit. I try to get my T to do it, just cuz I can. hehehee.

Originally Posted by Omers

LOL!
I usually make home made cards from my photography based on their personal likes (as much as they let me know). I am very crafty and none of my T's will take gifts that "cost money". This year it might be hand decorated (wood burned and hand colored) boxes.

It is always funny when they try to figure out how I know what they would like. They forget how much they self disclose... I don't!

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

I have given my t gifts in the past like gift certificates to restaurants, movie tickets, crocs, etc.. I always was trying to think of something that he would really like (ex movie time w/ his fam). Last year for Christmas I made him a wreath and gave him a gift certificate to a resort that I knew he would love. He wouldn't accept the gift certificate. I was crushed because I had thought sooo hard to find something I knew he would really enjoy. Even this year as the holiday season rolled around I felt hurt about it all over again.

So I emailed him and straight out asked if I could give him a gift this year. I told him that it was really hurtful last year when he rejected my gift and I didn't want to experience that again. I told him that it was really important for me go be able to give him a gift and I promised to tone it down if it was allowed.

He wrote back that he was really excited that I had asked and that he felt was such a huge step and saw this as progress. He said that was "connection" between us. He said I wouldn't like his answer but he had to decline any gifts.

I don't understand really.................gifts, hugs, etc... They are such a normal generic things now a days and why are those so freely exchanged sometimes with people who are simply acquantances but they are "taboo" for therapy. It makes me feel like there is something wrong (dirty? shameful? ) about being in a therapy relationship.

I challanged him by saying if a 6 year old waddled into his office with a gift for him that he would not reject it.

How about sending him a nice Xmas card with a nice note thanking him for everything he's done over the year? And it won't cost you a thing (except the stamp). Just a thought...

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by ladyjrnlist

LOL!! Yeah, they can't help but talk about themselves a bit. I try to get my T to do it, just cuz I can. hehehee.

Mine is pretty good at not talking about herself...I remember everything she says about herself though. Mwahaha

[Omers]

I cherish every bit of herself that my T shares with me. She is always surprized that I remember the name of her childhood horse, her cats... And I love her crazy quirks... like when I asked about two specific stuffed animals that moved around and she had to introduce me to them! Love her... in all her quirks!
Pdoc is way too easy just by looking around her office... oh if she only knew...
Massage T is the hard one... She is so very un-materialistic... being practical is SO not my strong suit!

[rainbow8]

Why CAN some Ts accept gifts and some can't? My Ts always accepted my gifts, though often they were just poems or cards I made. But I gave my former T a gift I bought when I was traveling once, and she accepted it. Yet some Ts, as posted here, won't accept any gifts. If it's so frowned upon, why is it okay for some Ts? Is it in the same category as hugs? Some will, some won't?

[Lauru]

I give my T handmade beaded jewelry. She accepts is and always seems thrilled to have it. She usually gives me a hug afterward.