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#1
Jan 20, 2011, 02:46 AM
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things are hard here right now, really hard. I called T six times today. I'm pretty sure that's a personal record.
 Anyway. The last time I talked to her, I was out on my balcony and telling her what had happened in the last hour since I talked to her, and she was talking to me about how I'm getting through this, how what I'm doing IS how to get through it. I started to cry and T said "it's okay to cry. It's okay to let it out. Right now, take a moment to cry and let it out. Just hold onto the phone and cry, and I'll be here, ok?" And I did, and she was, and it helped.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said. ~Brian Andreas |
 Fartraveler, mixedup_emotions, rainbow8, Sannah, WePow
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#2
Jan 20, 2011, 02:54 AM
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I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, but you are in good hands - your T REALLY does CARE about you. She is not leaving you in the lurch, she is there for you.
Rest in the peace of knowing that - you are doing well and getting through this; and that's something to be really proud of!
__________________
"I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller" Current dx: Bipolar Disorder Unspecified Current Meds: Epitec (Lamotrigine) 300mg, Solian 50mg, Seroquel 25mg PRN, Metformin 500mg, Klonopin prn |
| WePow, zooropa
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#3
Jan 20, 2011, 04:01 AM
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 zoo
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| zooropa
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#4
Jan 20, 2011, 06:02 AM
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Im glad she was there for you.
__________________
 She's got the eyes of innocence, the face of an angel, a personality of a dreamer and a smile that hides more pain than you could ever imagine.
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| zooropa
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#5
Jan 20, 2011, 06:42 AM
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((((((((((((((Zoo)))))))))))))))
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| zooropa
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#6
Jan 20, 2011, 09:11 AM
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I'm glad your T is really, truly there for you, zoo.
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#7
Jan 20, 2011, 10:09 AM
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Sounds like your T is invested in your recovery. Good luck to you. I've cried an ocean since starting therapy and it's ongoing. I feel for you. It hurts now, but it will get better. This is the healing process. It has to hurt to heal.
HUGS |
| zooropa
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#8
Jan 20, 2011, 11:30 AM
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Zoo, I'm sorry it's hard but T is right. You're doing it! I'm so glad she's right there with you and available to give you support when you need it.
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| zooropa
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#9
Jan 20, 2011, 11:41 AM
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((((((((((((((Zoo))))))))))))))
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| zooropa
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#10
Jan 20, 2011, 09:21 PM
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I'm actually leaning on T more now than at any other time in my recovery. I mean, really dependent on her, needing her to answer her phone, needing her to tell me what to do. She has been a light in the dark for me before, but not like this. I feel her walking through this difficult transition with me. I cannot imagine how I would be doing this alone. I am actually sure I could not do it alone. I would have destructed last night if I hadn't had T to be a voice of calm and reason and compassion.
I'm worried about burning her out. I'm afraid she is going to get sick of me, is already sick of me. I'm trying to not call her unless I really, really NEED to, because right now if I truly called every time I need to or want to, I would be calling all day and all night. It's enough, too much, probably, as it is. oh, well. As I was writing that, T called me. Just to make sure I'm okay. 
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said. ~Brian Andreas |
| alias123, sugahorse1
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#11
Jan 21, 2011, 12:25 AM
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Zoo, your T sounds amazing and completely invested in you. She is making the phone calls too, which means she isn't being burnt out by you. Use her if you need her, and I hope things start to get easier for you very soon
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| zooropa
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#12
Jan 21, 2011, 12:32 AM
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((((((((Zoo)))))))
These are the type of things your T is supposed to be there for. You are doing so great. And knows how much you need her. She is able to help you and take care of herself.
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| zooropa
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#13
Jan 21, 2011, 12:43 AM
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(((( zoo ))))
I'm sorry things are so hard, but I am so glad that you are reaching out to your T. That is good self-care. Your T understands that major things are going on and that you need her right now. And I'm sure she is glad that she is able to help you through this. She sounds amazing, and I'm glad you made the conscious choice to not suffer alone and to reach out for the support you need and deserve. (( HUGS ))
__________________
Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail... 
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| zooropa
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#14
Jan 21, 2011, 10:13 PM
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my T isn't answering my calls or texts today, so I guess she is burned out or getting there and is taking a day to do whatever she needs to take care of herself. I don't blame her. Who wants to be immersed in someone else's crap every day, watching them self-destruct?
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said. ~Brian Andreas |
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#15
Jan 21, 2011, 10:39 PM
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Quote:
I KNOW it's hard not to spiral into the "well, this proves it, I'm too much, T is burned out" place...but from what you have said, and from words that your T has said, I really believe that if T needed a break, she would say "Zoo, I need to some self-care, so I'll be less available tomorrow" or whatever. Maybe she's sick, maybe she's misplaced her phone, maybe her battery died, maybe, maybe, maybe. There are SO many reasons T might be unavailable. Try not to put it on you. T and I made a "top 10 things that suck about therapy" list recently, and I had "Disappearing Therapist" WAY near the top of the list. T has such a busy life, and sometimes, it really is like he disappears. I e-mailed him Tuesday and asked for a reply, and he still hadn't replied when I saw him on my appt for Thursday. He said that he opened his e-mail Thursday morning and was like "ohhhhhh no"...not in an "Ohhhhhh no, tree e-mailed me" kind of way, but in a "oh no, I feel bad that I missed this" kind of way. He hadn't been on his e-mail since before I had e-mailed on Tuesday because of some crazy things he has going on in his life. So it wasn't me. At all. And I bet it's not you either. Be gentle with you
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| Oceanwave, pachyderm, zooropa
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#16
Jan 22, 2011, 12:11 AM
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(((((((((Zoo))))))))
I agree with Tree. Plus, I remember a time when your T needed to take a self-care break and she told you so that you would know. And she said that it was not because of you, but because she had a lot going on. If she needed tot take another one. I'm sure her being gone is not because of you. She is having back to back sessions today and can't get away to make a call or something. Remember she called you the other night just to check in. That doesn't sound like someone who is feeling overwhelmed by you. It sounds like someone who cares about you very much. I know it is hard when Ts don't respond. But remember that she cares about you.
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#17
Jan 22, 2011, 04:03 AM
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T called and left me a message. Actually, she left a message but it wasn't really for me. She said another name. Nothing even remotely like my name. Then she said "callmeifyouwanttorneedto
" I hate T. I'm never speaking to her again. Ever. Ever. |
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#18
Jan 22, 2011, 04:28 AM
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Quote:
I guess there's (at least) two possible things that happened. Either she knew she was calling you, and the "callmeifyouwantorneedto" was meant for you, and she had a sudden brainstorm and said a random name... or she thought she was leaving a message for someone else and she uses that expression with other clients too, which I can imagine would be very hurtful indeed as I know how important special that phrase felt to you. When my T makes mistakes (of the how-did-she-even-get-a-foot-that-large-into-her-mouth variety), it's because she's not being mindful and is trying to meet my needs when she doesn't really have time or space to do that. For example, she wrote something fairly outrageous (and at best nonsensical) in a text yesterday. When I asked her what she meant, she replied "that's why I should never try to write a text while getting out of a taxi while late for supervision!"- and I could literally see her making a quick decision to reply to me because she didn't want to leave me waiting any longer... Thinking of you. |
| Oceanwave, pachyderm, zooropa
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#19
Jan 22, 2011, 06:20 AM
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(((((((zoo)))))))))
How are you feeling today? I wish you could tell your T how upset you were about her mistake. Give her a chance to repair this and explain. She wanted to be there for you and offer a helping hand but ---- ed up. She is human. And she cares about you deeply. |
| zooropa
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#20
Jan 22, 2011, 06:27 AM
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oh dear, i hope things are better for u soon. Your t sounds like she is very open to you contacting her. But she is human, and we all make mistakes, im sure she would be embarrassed if she realised what she had done.
But its hard on you, especially when your depending on her. ((( hugs 4 U))) |
| zooropa
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#21
Jan 22, 2011, 08:47 AM
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zoo, I'm sorry too, that this happened.
How you feel is perfectly valid and understandable....my T doing that to me would really really hurt too.But like the others said.....let her know how what happened made you feel. From other things you've posted, she sounds like she really does care and would be genuinely sorry that she made a mistake that is hurting you so much right now. Thinking of you!
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#22
Jan 22, 2011, 09:39 AM
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Quote:
  And you can tell her how mad this made you!!!! 
__________________
Now if thou would'st When all have given him o'er From death to life Thou might'st him yet recover -- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631 |
| zooropa
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#23
Jan 22, 2011, 11:04 AM
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So sorry Zoo, can you call or text her saying "um, I couldn't understand your message and I think it was meant for someone else"? She needs to know what she did or or else it will go unnoticed and make you even angrier. I really hope you can clear it up with T soon!
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| zooropa
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#24
Jan 22, 2011, 01:13 PM
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Zoo,
What did your T say in her message? Was it related to what you have been saying in your messages to her? Or does it sound like it was meant for someone else? She might have made a mistake (yeah, one that can cause a lot of pain esp. when you are trying to feel connected). hugs |
| zooropa
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#25
Jan 22, 2011, 03:51 PM
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I know it was a mistake, and I know T is human and so bound to make mistakes. I know that, but after waiting all day for her to call me back I was already feeling abandoned and angry. The message said this "hi _____ (other name, nothing even close to my own), this is T, returning your call. Callmeifyouwantorneedtobye."
she sounded tired, or sick. I know it probably wasn't about ME at all. I know all of that. And I'm still pissed. Which is really hurt. Sweetlove, your idea is wonderful and I'm going to text her exactly what you said, word for word. Thank you. I wrote her an email saying I won't be coming to my next session, and thanks, and goodbye. But I didn't send it. I didn't even want to send it. I Just wanted to say it and see how it felt.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said. ~Brian Andreas |
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