trying to find normal

Hi everyone,

I went to t last week for the first time in several weeks. For the past couple mos. all we talked about was chemo, cancer and surgery. Last week was the first post op appt, and we talked about surgery and recovery. I told him I want to get back on track, and talk about other things Since I have such a difficult time speaking up he asked me to email me the stuff ruminating in my brain.

I did that...we agreed in the past that he didn't have to respond to emails but he has always responded to every email, except this last one. Not even an "OK". It had to do with trust, and how my last T broke my trust. I didn't trash old T or anything, just said a couple things that make me wobbly with trust. I haven't told him anything about old T yet, and I thought it was relevant.

Do you think I offended him? Do T's have a rule of conduct to never speak about each other? I don't believe they know each other.

Anyways, I have an appointment in a couple hours, and I am really worried. I don't know if he read it or not. I don't think I want to talk about it now. I am freaking. I could call and say I'm still not up to par...it wouldn't be lying.

Is it possible that the email just got lost or deleted inadverdently? Ask him if he received it or not.

Do you think I should print it out and bring it? Ugh... I don't have anything else to talk about, he's gonna want me to broach a subject...dang. But if it's offensive I don't want to bring it up.

Offensive to whom? It is your therapy.

dang...so freaked....here's my email, does it sound offensive? do you think it would upset him? Embarrassment .

I see no reason why that email would be offensive to your t. It's not about your t that I can tell, so why would he be offended?

Send it.

maybe you gave him too much to do justice to over the phone and he's wanting you to come in and talk. I haven't found that Ts have a boundary against ever talking about other Ts - it can be very relevant, as you'd relate your experience of that relationship the same as you would relate your experience of a parent, a co worker, etc.

don't worry. The idea of having gone for a long time to talk about surgeryand chemo etc and this time to talk about recovery, made me smile. I hope it goes great

nothing wrong with your email. it's honest and inoffensive and I would think your T would think it good to know and discuss.

Eileen I hope you shared all of what you are thinking with T. I hope you sent it. Honesty is the best policy IMO (easier said than done though). Keep us posted on how things went.

((((((((eileen))))))))

it's great that you feel better enough to want to talk about regular issues rather than health stuff. i don't think there was anything offensive in your email at all. it may be that your T just wants to talk in person about this since it is a bit heavy and unusual info. also, he may not know what to make of it if he isn't of the same faith or have any exposure to it. i had to constantly explain things to my last T about spiritual things because she was of a different faith. she was always open and receptive though and i hope yours will be as well.

well, he hadn't checked his email because he was away, so he hadn't seen my email. I did print it and bring it. And yes, I let him read it.

It was ok. He related it to why I am taking so long to trust him. He acknowledged it was a big step for me to out someone I trusted (ie I have never outed my abusers)
He asked what my biggest fear was, and I told him it was him thinking badly of me (like that I was demon possessed) We also went thru the whole theory...I relayed it to him, since he has no experience with Catholocism. I told him that when someone has sex out of wedlock it opens a door for demons to come in, and since I had that sort of relationship with someone as a child I "caught" demons from him. I kind have to admit, I am so stupid I believed that for a while. But T pointed out that was blaming the child for the Adult's sin....and a loving God wouldn't do that.

light-bulb.

It was a hard hour, but I feel good about it. I teared up a lot, but I didn't sob so I am proud of myself. It was kind of like a gym workout, exhausting, painful and hard to endure, but when your workout is done you're glad you did it because it made you stronger.