what is so wrong

((((( granite )))))

I can understand you feeling scared. Not knowing what the future holds can be scary. I have faith that you will find another T and hope that it will be one that can really work with you in a way that helps you. In the meantime, please know that you have PC - a group of people that really care about you...and you CAN write what you need to and won't be rejected for it. Hold onto that for now, ok? I find that posting on PC, at times, is more therapeutic than seeing my T!!

i really need to not be afraid to call and talk to T but i am and also am afraid to be told no for whatever reason .i know i will feel totally regected every no i hear even though it may be for simple thingslike a full case load.i know it will still feel like the world hates me

It's hard not to take it personally, but please try to remember that it's not because they don't want to work with you. It's still hard to hear "no". I get that. But also remember that you are hiring them to help you. You are choosing who will be the right one for you. And if you hear a "no", then that T may not have been meant for you. I know it's still hard though.

((((((((granite)))))))) I'm thinking of you lots!

I noticed this - and my T's voice mail system lets her down in the same way for unknown reasons - she apologizes, and I know she's truthful about it, but at same time it FEELS like rejection Granite... I just have to keep in mind that the system's being sporadic is not within her control, and that she has never shown herself to be rejecting - maybe in my own perception, at times, but not really.

i have only called her once before after a really bad session and she called me back a few days later it has been9 days and i dont think she is going to call me back.i'm sad but not surprised at all.i hope they dont call on friday to tell me i still have an appointment for monday because i dont want to get charged for an appointment i dont have.

(((((((granite))))))))

awwww poor granite! i don't know your whole story, but i feel for you in this situation... it's after 2 skipped weeks that you're officially not a patient any more (i think???), so maybe that is when they will contact you to make sure you've quit..

Granite - You WILL find another T. When you call and they say 'no', it's not 'no' to you; it's 'no, I don't have an opening.' Will they put you on a waiting list? That's my experience when their client load is full. Typically it doesn't take longer than 2 weeks. So, hang in there.

And I think you made a good decision about quitting your current T. Although, I, like everyone else do not know the whole story, the fact that you were so terrified of your T is indicative (I believe) of a failed therapeutic relationship. I have felt scared of talking about stuff in session but the fear is about self-disclosure - never of fear of my T. I can't imagine being terrified of my T. My goodness, how terrible would that be?

So, don't give up. You will find a T who is a match for you. A lot of hard work ahead but it will feel refreshing to start anew.

thanks last.i didnt skip i had called and told her ontuesday like 9 dys ago that i was not going to come back so that is why she isnt calling and i doubt she will call monday either i just hope they dont have them call me to tell me i have an appointment on monday like they usually do.i dont want to have to call her again and leave another message.or pay for a session i am not going to

If you told them that you aren't coming back that should be it. I hope you call that other T that you have a number for.

ok so they can't make you pay... you're home free!
and if she calls again... well, she knows how to talk to an answering machine right?

granite, my T would not call in this situation, because she would only want me to come if it is my decision to come; she would not influence that decision by calling. I think maybe your T wants you to come to therapy only if it is your decision, too. I think any contact after a person announces they are quitting has to come from the patient. Her not calling doesn't mean she doesn't care, but that she is giving you the space you need to think, try on new ideas about what you want to do.

If you're having second thoughts about your decision, that's perfectly okay. If you want to talk to her about not being sure what you want to do, maybe you could call her for a time to do that?

((((((((((granite)))))))))))))

Didn't you tell T you "probably" won't be coming back? It's possible that she doesn't understand that this is a decision you've made. Maybe she thinks you were thinking about not coming back, but since she didn't hear from you again, she is still expecting you.

I don't know what your T's policy is, but my T doesn't return calls unless I specifically ask him to. I think in almost 3 1/2 years of therapy, he has MAYBE called me twice when I didn't ask. I wonder if your T has a similar policy?

I know all of this is so so so hard. Hang in there

i was quite upset and i dont really remember what i said word for word but i am pritty sure i said that i wont be comming back and that things dont seem to be working out and thank you for all your help and that i am sorry

i am mostly worried that i wont be able to find a t that will work with me

All you can do is search, you can't control the outcome. I say that because when I'm reminded of that, it's relieving!
I firmly believe that your searching will lead you to what you need and what you want. Not searching, won't. So don't give up, keep at it!

Yes, you won't find anyone if you don't search.