[WePow]

Ok. I don't want to go into details because it is just way too deep for me and I am still recovering some. I think it is worked out. But wanted to ask a general question.

1) Have you ever "caught" your T in a "white lie" of any form?

2) Did you tell your T that you knew the truth?

3) If so, did you T appologize or come clean?

4) Were you able to work it all out?

5) Did it change your therapy or your inner trust of T after it was worked out?

[with or without you]

No, I have never been lied to by T. I'm sorry if this is the case for you, though.

There is one really small thing that I think T is not telling the truth about...sometimes when I go into his office, one of his pictures is taken down from the wall. The first time, I asked "where's the picture?" and he said something about it falling down, and put it back up. The second time, I was like "where did it go?"..I can't remember what he said, but he hung it up again. The third time, I just said "your picture is gone" and he hung it up without really saying anything.

I'm sure it's down because another client is triggered by it (which I could understand, actually - I like it, but I can see where someone else might not). But T never talks about his other clients, ever, EVER, so I guess that's where "it fell down" came from.

It does feel weird, because I really truly believe that T is honest with me all the time. I guess that one thing kind of put him in a bind, and I've never pushed about it once I figured it out.

That's SO MINOR though.

It sounds like something a little bigger than that happened between you and T, wepow??? I hope you are working through it. Let us help if you need us.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Once she lied to me about the type of car she drove. She told me she had a Honda Civic. Later I found out she didn't. I brought it up and she said that she said that her friend has a Honda Civic not her...

[Suratji]

I had been suspicious about a couple of things but I decided to discount it because my thoughts were probably not true and I like her a lot and I didn't want to waste time chasing down the non-important. I had considered asking her if she would always be honest with me but then thought better of it and just go with the belief that she is.

[Liam Grey]

My T once said to me two things about the same topic that didn't match each other (she recently contradicted something she said on our really first sessions, two years ago.. maybe she didn't keep it in mind but I did)... but I realized only way after the session, and couldn't say anything about it. But I'm sure that sooner or later I'll talk to her about it.

[granite1]

my T tells me she says things or didnt and then tells me i may be not rememberning.it is kind of what started this whole melt down i had.i guess i have to let it go

[darkrunner]

((((((((WePow))))))))

[Elana05]

With my last 2 Ts, every time I have mentioned a book, movie, TV or radio show they each said they haven't read/seen/heard it. Or if they read it it's like, "Oh, I think I read that a long time ago but I'm not sure." I get the distinct feeling that they don't want to open up in this way and in each case they wanted me to share my feelings first without sharing their own view(s). Now I kind of feel like I expect it when I mention a show I think, "No, I didn't think you had..." There is the possibility they had seen it, but it's happened enough now that I think its a white lie for my own therapeutic benefit.
...Not sure if that helps.
I hope you are able to work through this soon if it is bothering you...
WePow, from all of your descriptions of your T, it sounds as though he only wants to see you healing and would never consciously do anything to hurt you...

[Fartraveler]

With my last 2 Ts, every time I have mentioned a book, movie, TV or radio show they each said they haven't read/seen/heard it. Or if they read it it's like, "Oh, I think I read that a long time ago but I'm not sure." I get the distinct feeling that they don't want to open up in this way and in each case they wanted me to share my feelings first without sharing their own view(s). Now I kind of feel like I expect it when I mention a show I think, "No, I didn't think you had..." There is the possibility they had seen it, but it's happened enough now that I think its a white lie for my own therapeutic benefit.

My T does exactly the same thing. I also decided it was just a therapeutic technique.

'A long time ago.' Exactly.

I don't think she lies, exactly, but I think she 'shapes' things. I think she balances things -- I think she says what's true, but very carefully. I think she only tells me what she thinks is therapeutically useful. I think she omits a lot.

I used to think that she lied, and it infuriated me. But I guess I don't think that any more.

'A long time ago.' Exactly when is that? It could be anything! A month, a year, ten years. Like I say, she doesn't lie. But she's careful.

[SpiritRunner]

(((((WePow)))))
I don't think I've caught my T in any lies exactly.....but I have seen her be very careful in answering some questions sometimes (and to be fair, they probably qualify as loaded questions! ) and I think she has tried to be honest and yet has omitted parts of the truth she didn't feel would be helpful to me. That I understand.
Once she made a statement in a session that did directly contradict a statement (regarding a boundary issue) she had made in the previous one. I asked her about this in the following session and she said she saw how they were contradictory and how that was confusing to me. She admitted she was in the wrong on that and apologized sincerely....that was when she decided to make the gift to me of the little touchstone rock with the word 'trust' on it.That honest and open, and even humble sort of response helped heal and repair the trust that had been hurt.

I don't believe my t has ever lied to me. He's pretty blatantly honest.

[inbloom]

I have kind of caught my T lying, but it's a tricky thing and usually related to confidentiality issues. My sister sees him as well, and there have been times when she has told him something (which I know, because she TOLD me she told him), and then when I bring it up, he will pretend like he's never heard about it before. I know that this is because he is trying to protect her privacy but it always irks me a little that he is capable of being deceptive at all. I don't have any reason to believe that he has lied to me about other things, and I never confronted him about the lies that I am aware of, so I have no idea what his reaction might be.

[Sweetlove]

I don't think my T has lied, although I've only been seeing him for about a year...but he has no problem telling me his honest opinion.

((((Wepow))))
I don't know what happened, but obviously it is something significant because you posted a few questions. I really hope you are ok...please reach out if you need to

[WePow]

Originally Posted by Fartraveler

I don't think she lies, exactly, but I think she 'shapes' things.

WOW! That really just helped me! Thank you so much for saying it in this way!!! I feel like that is what may have happened in my situation.
But the shape it took was not what I knew as truth. So my black/white thinking made it a lie.

I will try today to reshape my own thought about the event using what you just shared.

[lastyearisblank]

Yes, and I think the hardest thing is not even the lie but deciding what to do with it. Do you go into session afterwards and just pretend nothing happened? It feels like in childhood having to keep a big smile on your face for everyone's benefit.

Glad you're working it out wepow!

[WePow]

It is so interesting to see how many of us are so forgiving of our Ts for these things.

Today I hurt a bit more than yesterday. More like a soul bruise of sorts.

[SpiritRunner]

((((((WePow)))))) I'm very sorry it hurts.....but I know even soul bruises can heal, the pain lessen, with the right, gentle care and with time.
I can't say I've found it easy to unconditionally forgive my T and keep trusting when I have felt hurt by her ...... but I try to remember that she's human and not perfect, her intent is to help and not hurt, and that there are so many many things that prove her care and far outweigh the unintended hurts. It's easier too to forgive someone who is genuinely sorry about their mistake or the hurt they caused and who is genuinely sorry and willing to help repair the hurt....

[WePow]

((((poetgirl)))))

You are right. I know he cares. I counted the ways.
It is just that the two-fold whamy all at the same time kinda really tossed me.

It feels strange because it feels like the small stuff I thought I saw but then told myself I didn't see where there for real and I just decided to not see them.
it is like I had a NEED to see my T as someone who was not capable of hurting me in the ways others hurt me ??? I don't know why. Not that I expected him to be perfect. Just... to not be "them" .....

And I know he isn't! But my heart really isn't happy about this stuff. But it is on a level where I don't even want to talk to him about it. Or anyone really. I am forcing myself to write here on PC because I know you all care. And I know if I don't try to talk through it that I will go too deep back into my turtle shell on this.

So what can I do except just take it one day at a time. I will be glad to see him Monday though. I want to see him and to just have this all behind me. I talked on phone with him a bit. But I can't see him before Monday.

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by WePow

((((poetgirl)))))

You are right. I know he cares. I counted the ways.
It is just that the two-fold whamy all at the same time kinda really tossed me.

It feels strange because it feels like the small stuff I thought I saw but then told myself I didn't see where there for real and I just decided to not see them.
it is like I had a NEED to see my T as someone who was not capable of hurting me in the ways others hurt me ??? I don't know why. Not that I expected him to be perfect. Just... to not be "them" .....

And I know he isn't! But my heart really isn't happy about this stuff. But it is on a level where I don't even want to talk to him about it. Or anyone really. I am forcing myself to write here on PC because I know you all care. And I know if I don't try to talk through it that I will go too deep back into my turtle shell on this.

So what can I do except just take it one day at a time. I will be glad to see him Monday though. I want to see him and to just have this all behind me. I talked on phone with him a bit. But I can't see him before Monday.

I think it will be better after you see him! I know the sessions after I have felt hurt by/disappointed in my T have been so healing....when I am honest and she is honest and sincere it is cleansing and healing.
***it is like I had a NEED to see my T as someone who was not capable of hurting me in the ways others hurt me*** This is something that makes sense to me.....I think I can relate to it, too. But then, maybe the way to look at is, with T, it is safe to tell him about the hurt and trust that he is capable of helping heal the hurt....when some others who have hurt you have not been capable or willing to help heal the hurt caused or even sorry....T is different in that.

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by WePow

...black/white thinking...

I have been struggling with this lately too...

[Elysium]

I feel like my original T lied to me by omission about 7 yrs ago. I was referred, by a psychologist, to a male Psy-D that lived in my area. I called him to see if he was accepting pts and to set up an appt. When he returned my call, he said that he was going to refer me, without seeing me, to a female therapist who was a Social Worker and that he knew that I'd be in "good hands" with her. So I spent 5 years with this female T until I was diagnosed with DID and starting working with a new DID T. Come to find out, the female T I had been working with was actually the Wife of the male T who referred me to her. She never told me that and she never wore a ring on her finger. I spent 5 yrs thinking that she was single, due to some other comments she had made.

I'm not sure why....but I just feel so hurt and irritated by this. She had been attempting to build her practice and I feel like I was just passed off as a business strategy now. It's weird how it hurts my feelings now.

[WePow]

(((Elysium))) Wow. That does stink!!! My heart goes out to you!